Author: admin

We’re driving back to Base in silence. Loretta Lynn is singing her heart out on the classic country radio station. 

Skip is watching the Carolina scenery zip by, right elbow resting in his open window, left hand over his crotch.  It’s still Spring, so not that hot yet. The temperate breeze blowing over my face feels good. I’m trying to concrete on the traffic. Right wrist on top of the steering wheel and left elbow resting in the open window. 

I’m repeating to myself: Don’t think about what went down back at the motel – make room for other thoughts, crowd it out. What about that rifle range qualifying shit on Tuesday? Why did we leave all that JD and Budweiser back there? Did I get my dry cleaning? Why did we leave like convicts escaping from Alcatraz?

It’s not working. I’m still tense, almost stiff. I can see out of the corner of my eye that Skip is holding it together like a champ, while I’m being torn apart inside. My guts feel like they’re going through a wringer. My palms are sweaty. My head is aching. I would throw up, but my stomach is empty since we skipped breakfast all together, not even coffee. 

I take a furtive glance away from the traffic to look at Skip. ‘Oh shit’ I say to myself. ‘Is that a tear running down his cheek? Oh fuck!’ It is a tear; my best friend is crying silently – his body is rocking forward a little putting a strain on his seat belt. His chin is down and he’s brushing way the errant tear caught on the corner of his lips. 

I can’t handle this. I over reacted, simple as that, over reacted. I have to fucking fix this before I lose the best bro I have ever had. 

“Skip, let’s stop and get some breakfast and talk this thing over, huh, whatta you say dawg?” 

“I’m not that hungry Brad, maybe some coffee?” 

“Sure thing, there’s a place right up the road. Think I remember passing an IHOP, then we can talk dude – everything is going to be ok – nothing is going to change. I promise, just a misunderstanding that’s all it was. Just a misunderstanding.” 

My mind is on fire, racing to come up with the right thing to say. I’ve hurt him, and I’m bleeding inside. I don’t want to lose him. Don’t want us to go in different directions.

We need each other. We have to stay cemented together, just like we stuck to each other on deployment. I had his back and he had mine.

He said that he loves me. What the fuck is wrong with that?  I love him to. Brothers can love each other, and no one thinks anything about that. They can embrace, even kiss, and no one gives it a second thought, so why can’t two dudes do the same thing? Do men have to be blood to love each other? 

I see this dude every day. I see him naked as the day he was born and it feels pure as fuck to look and admire the way he’s built.  I love his natural manly body, not necessarily a gym worked out bod, but a well taken care of muscled and tight one. You could bounce a quarter off of his hard-gluteal muscles and get back change. 

The light reddish blond fur on his pectorals is nearly transparent. His pecs are natural hard slabs formed over his teen-age years of lifting and throwing bales of hay over his head into the loft. That’s what did it. 

Skip saw something in me that I could not or would not acknowledge. He looked into my soul and understood who I am. And now I have to deal with it. 

We finally leave the highway and pull into the parking lot of the IHOP. We go inside and find a table in a far corner. The teenage waitress drops off the water and menus. 

I look up and say: “Two coffees, please.” She nods. Leaves and returns a little later with our coffee. 

Skip is trying not to look me square in my eyes. His hands clasped on top of the table. 

I reach out and hold both of his hands in mine. I squeeze them, he looks up and begins to smile.  I don’t care if everyone in this half-empty restaurant is looking at us, just fucking don’t care. Fuck these Carolina red necks! 

There’s a stirring in my crotch that our touching hands has caused, Oh FUCK, I’m getting hard! What the hell.  I raise a palm to my forehead and hold it briefly, then drop it back to the table top. I feel my dick stretch down the inside of my left trouser leg, I jerk my hands away from his and re adjust my ass, sliding back a little. 

Skip, has that quizzical look he sometimes has when he can’t exactly understand where I’m coming from. That country smile of his is going ear to ear now and his blue eyes are twinkling in the morning sun spilling in from a nearby window. He’s checking out my face as it reddens and my breathing becomes shallow. My heart is beating a mile a minute. 

I feel his combat boot kick my cowboy boot under the table making a dull hollow thud. He cocks his head sideways as his face softens into a big grin, that of a young boy discovering that everything he wanted for Christmas is under the tree. 

For the first time in my life I’m ready to give my heart and my whole self to another, and this other is not only a man, but a Marine like myself. Comrade in arms 

“I know you bro – something is going on in your head – sup man?” 

“Nothing, we can talk about it when we get back to Base.”

“Ok, but somethings got those wheels turning, is it about me?’ 

“It’s about you, but it’s good, no worries, ok?” 

“Ok dude, I can wait,” 

The waitress returns and takes our order. We both order the special. She brings it in ten or fifteen minutes, and in typical Marine Corps fashion, we squat and gobble as they say, then out the door and back on the road. 

We’re driving listening to the same classic country station. Waylon Jennings is twanging away.  I’m feeling more relaxed than I have felt in the last twenty-four hours. My guts are untangled and my breathing and heart beat are back to normal. I reach over with my right hand and land it on Skip’s knee causing him to look over at me. 

“Skip when we get back to our room, I want you to do what you said back at the motel.” 

“What was that bro?” 

“You know, what you said.”

“What did I say?”

“You said, you wanted to make love to me – right?” 

“Oh yeah, but I thought that’s what started all of this?” 

“It did, but I over reacted, just over reacted that’s all.” 

“Then you do want me to suck your dick?” 

“Maybe.” 

“And, what else?” 

“We can talk about that later bro.” I reply. 

“No, we gotta talk about it now – you gonna give me that beautiful ass dawg?” 

“Is that what you want Skip, my ass to fuck?” 

“Well, HELL yeah. That would be a good place to start – but I want everything else too, bro.” 

“Like what, everything else?” 

“Duh, like your dick, your balls, your feet, your ears, your lips, your heart.” 

“Ok, ok, I get it, you want the whole package.”

“Fucking better believe it dawg. And all the wrappings including – your jockstrap, your socks, your boots, your cum, your piss. I want it all, and I want to rope you up like I did those runaway dogies back at the ranch.” 

“Dude, I’ve never been tied up before, man!” 

“Well, get the fuck ready dawg, because seeing you in your cowboy get up gives me ideas!” 

“Ok, but you gotta get me drunk first.” 

“What the fuck did you think I was trying to do back at the no tell motel?” 

“Ah, makes sense now. I had a suspicion you were up to something.”

“Fuck dude, you turned me gay, or bi or whatever. So you gotta take a little bit of responsibility.” 

“Oh bro, how did I turn your gay or bi or whatever?” 

“Easy man, the way you look, the way you smell, the way you move, how smart you are, your rich old man, your Harvard education, your love for the Corps. I could go on, but you get the picture.” 

“All right, all right, I gotcha. It’s all my fault.”

“Well, YEAH!”

We’re both convulsing with laughter. Drivers in passing cars must think we just escaped from a mental facility, the way we’re doubled over holding our middles, and me trying to keep this truck in one lane.  

Skip puts a hand on the back of my neck and massages the tense neck muscles. His big paw brushes the back of my fresh high n tight haircut up and down gently. He leans as close as his seat belt allows and kisses my right cheek. 

I watch him raise his right leg and put the sole of his combat boot on the dashboard. This time I don’t scold him telling him to get his fucking dirty boot off of my baby’s dash. Instead I put my hand over the top of his boot and feel the warmth his foot is generating inside of the black leather. He looks at me and gives me that big country smile, the one I have grown to love. 

“When we get back to base, you’re all mine buddy!” 

“You gonna Dom me bro?” 

“HELL YEAH! This is just Saturday morning, we got the rest of the Goddamned weekend ahead of us!” 

Oh boy! My heart is racing again and my trouser snake is working its way down my leg. Skip, who missies nothing sees and reaches over to my crotch and unzips me. He reaches in and hauls out not only my pulsating meat but my hairy balls. He allows them to hang between my legs to rest on the leather seat. 

Skip releases his seat belt and drops his head to my crotch. I feel his warm wet lips encircle my cock head and hold it there. My dick is hard and throbbing at this point, I’m so fucking close to coming and want this feeling to last. 

“Hold off for half a second Marine, let me calm down a little, my nuts are about to bust!”

He pulls off and looks up at me smiling, still holding my hard piece in his hand. Then sticks out his tongue and licks up the precum dribbling out of my piss slit. Smacks his lips, then takes another swipe over my swollen head. 

“I bet you got more than one shot in these big balls of yours cowboy. And I’m hungry as fuck to finally find out what you taste like, so let me go back to work and get some desert to top off those pancakes.” 

He sinks into my lap again and takes me into his mouth. Gently playing with the head with the tip of his tongue. I’m holding the back of his head in my left hand, feeling the bristles of his haircut as he slowly has his way with my cooperating meat. 

He takes his mouth off of my swollen cock momentarily to look up at me. “This is the first dick I have ever had in my mouth and didn’t realize how good it could taste – why don’t chicks like this?” 

“They’re a different species man, like from another planet, they don’t get it the way a dude gets it.”

Uhmmm, he’s humming around my cock. The vibrations from his lips are causing my rod to swell even more. He has one of his hands encircling my nuts, pulling them down to the leather seat. I feel the warmth coming from his palm. I play with my balls all times when I’m jerking off and in the shower, but it never felt like this. 

The danger of another man gripping my testicles is a primal thing, it’s exhilarating, scary, heart stopping. My first instinct is to protect them, the second is to allow him to have his way with them, to dominate me, to take whatever he wants from me without my permission, which I would give to him in a in a nanosecond, but he ain’t asking, he’s taking. 

We’re at the point in our return to Base, only twenty miles or so away from the front gate, and I have to shoot my wad and let him eat it before we arrive so I can fish my ID card out of my back pocket. 

Skip swallows my dickhead past his gag reflex and holds it there for what seemed like minutes, but was only seconds. 

“I gotta cum soon bro, we’ll be at the main gate in a few and I have to get my ID out.” 

That statement caused him to back off and hold just my dickhead between his lips and play with the underside of my head with his tongue, swabbing and sucking like mad and here it comes: 

‘AAAAHHHHHHH!” God fucking damn eat me dawg, eat me!” 

Skip took my full load and held it in his mouth. He backed off my piece then looked up at me, opened his mouth to show me my own mother lode before swallowing it down in one big gulp. 

“Thanks Brad, I had no idea what your cum was going to taste like, but I gotta tell you bro, I’m fucking hooked on your stuff now man – I want more!” 

Skip stuffs my deflating cock and hairy balls back into my jeans and zips me up just as we approach the front gate. I roll down the window and flash my ID card to the MP, who ducks his head into the cabin of my truck. We lock eyes after he looks over my card and I’m sure he smelled the sex because one corner of his mouth turns up slightly at the corner in a kind of a knowing salute. 

We drive through Mainside to Division and to the 6th Marine Barracks where our room is located. Take a parking spot near to the rear entrance when Skip says to me: 

“Take a look in the tool chest, I got a little surprise waiting.” 

He has a duplicate set of keys, so has access to the tool chest. I open it and look inside. When I see what he’s put in there without me knowing I turn to him. He’s got a shit eating grin on his handsome face, nodding his head as I examine the new arrivals. There is a black leather hood, tit clamps, yellow suction cups, lots of cotton/polyester rope, stainless-steel hand and ankle cuffs, large lube container, different sizes of butt plugs, leather floggers, leather and wooden paddles. Shit, nearly what every dungeon requires. 

“You were planning to use this on me all along, huh?” 

“Well, if not you, then Sergeant Daniels.” 

“Why Sergeant Daniels?” 

“I was in his room a month back doing something for him, can’t even remember, and I saw a set of tit clamps.” 

“No shit man, tit clamps?” 

“Yep, good old-fashioned tit clamps.” 

Skips eyes gloss over for a split second before he says, “Fuckers got a hot bod man, and he’s hung like a Goddamned mule.” 

“Now, how in hell would you know that?” 

“Shit dude! Saw it hanging down out of his boxers when he was changing out of civvies into uniform – fuckers got a dick on him man!” 

“Thought you just wanted me, asshole!” 

“I do, I do, but just in case it didn’t work out between us, he was my fall back guy, you know dawg, just in case.” 

I’m just shaking my head looking at this big dumb country Marine having a back-up plan, just in case. He looks like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I think I fell deeper into the love pit and no way to keep from falling in that instant. 

Those bright blue eyes of his giving me the once over, caressing and confident. He’s scratching his chin, smiling that killer smile. The fuckers got me and he knows it. I’m caught, helplessly caught. 

I snap out of my trance when he says, “Better get an overnight bag or something to transport our happiness tools into the room.” 

“No worries dude. I have an overnight bag under all your new stuff. Yeah, here It is.” I cram the bag with the new play toys and zip it up. 

We enter the barracks and walk down the hallway to our quarters. Fish out the key and unlock. We’re lucky because we have a two-man room with our own bathroom, not a connecting bathroom shared with the next unit. How we lucked out, I don’t know, but we did. 

Skip carries our junk, drops it on the closet floor, turns and locks the door. Grabs me around my waist and pulls me into a tight embrace saying: 

“We have the whole weekend to play, the damn place is practically empty, you know what that means don’t cha?” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna spend a hell of a lot of time with my legs up in the air and you taking this Marines virgin hole – am I right?” 

“You, sure as fuck am bro, and I’m going to try out most of this equipment on your hot fucking Marine cowboy body, so get ready for a roasting hot ride dawg!” 

He puts a hand behind my head and pressed our mouths together, his tongue searching for the opening to breach it. His tongue slips inside to sword fights with mine, then locks his lips around it and sucks on it like a dick. 

I feel one hand on my crotch, squeezing my balls. Then he uses both hands to haul out my dick and balls through the opening of my Wranglers. My tongue continues to be held in a tight embrace. 

Skip releases my mouth and goes over to the closet and brings out the overnight and deposits it on his bed because it is the one closest to the door. Unzips and dumps the contents on top of his rack. Choses a length of rope, holding it in his hand so that I can see it. 

He grabs my shoulders and turns me around to face away from him, pulls my hands behind my back and ties my crossed wrists. Winding the rope around several times then between my hands leaving a long length hanging down. 

I have a momentary panic attack, never having been in a situation like this before, although it’s with a bro I trust. He senses my unease and turns me around to face him saying: 

“Relax you fucking hot cowboy. You’re going to like what old Skip is going to do to you. My brothers used to do this to me all the time growing up. I spent a lot of my boyhood roped up.” 

“I’m not sure about this Skipper?” 

“So now, you’re using my name properly, huh? No more just Skip, but Skipper, like Mr. Skipper, right? I hear a little pleading in that quivering voice Marine – you scared? Lost control did ya? Don’t know where this is going to end up, do you? Well Marine, that is the idea. I got you and there ain’t no turning back now, huh? This hot body of yours belongs to old Skip now. So, if I was you, I’d relax and enjoy, because there ain’t one fucking thing you can do about it now!” 

He takes the back of my head in his big country paws and draws my mouth into his. I taste his spit and it’s like an aphrodisiac traveling straight to my dick, making it so hard that it’s verging on painful. His pheromones have conquered this small space. His sweated-up pits are enveloping every inch of this two man room. 

Skip releases me and backs up a couple of feet. Just stands there surveying his handy work. His big hands reach forward and snatch open my white cowboy shirt, popping the pearl snaps from top to bottom revealing my sparsely haired chest. My pinkish/brown nips bloated and standing tall, inviting investigation. 

He leans in clutching my sides, brings me into his body and lowers his face to my chest. He sucks in one then the other nip, plumping them up. He fetches two yellow suction cups, licks the rim of both, then mashes the cups together and places the open end on both on my nips. Making certain that the seal is good and watches as they do their job. 

My nuts are being smashed in my scrotum as they contract and draws up close to my body. The sensation radiating from my chest down to my balls is causing me to intake a lung full of the man standing in front of me. His manly scent is filling me up. I can smell his sweated-up ass crack. It’s a masculine musky smell, almost dirty, but I know how clean this Marine keeps his body and all of a sudden, I want to get down on my knees and suck on his asshole. Push my tongue inside and taste the man who has taken me as his own. 

Those baby blues of his are drilling a hole into my very being. His powerful hands are pushing me down to my knees. Not that easy to do with my hands roped behind my back, but I use the strength in my heavy muscled thighs to maintain my balance. I end up with my face inches from his crotch. 

I can smell the musk radiating from his faded Levi’s and can see the outline of his dick hanging down his trouser leg, see the big cockhead showing through the fabric. There’s a damp spot where the head hangs. I want to stick out my tongue and taste it. 

I don’t have a long wait as I watch his powerful hands unbutton his fly, fingers go in and bring out his big swelling Marine dick meat. 

“Got something I think you’ve been hankering after for some time, even if you didn’t know it.” 

One hand goes under my chin while the other holds his thick, stiff staff out to my lips and rubs the head wet with precum over both of my lips: 

“Here you go cowboy. Open up I got something for a hungry cowpoke like you needs to chow down on.” 

My mouth seems to have a mind of its own, goes for the gold and opens wide and accepts the thick, veined dick offered. I close my lips around its thickness, trying to keep my teeth off of the shaft but it’s a difficult task because of the girth. 

“That’s a good boy, taste the dick that now owns you. In a few minutes I’m going to feed you something that you’ve never tasted before, a thick, rich serving of this Marines baby batter, and you’re gonna be hooked on it for life.” 

My mind is in a place it’s never been before. This is the same man I clung to in deployment. I recall smelling his masculinity, his sweat, his hot breath in that dark bunker, the one that we spent so much time in returning fire from the fucking Taliban trying to overrun us. If he had asked me to drink his piss, I would have gladly opened up to be his urinal, in front of other Marines and God himself. 

And now, I can feel his shaft start to tremble, his dickhead swells up and become rock hard. I can picture it in my mind, his piss slit start to open, getting ready to fire his seed into me and feed me, and: 

“FUCKKKKKKKKK, TAKE MY CUM, EATTTTT MEEEE, SHIT, FUCK, DAMN!” 

In a blink of an eye, my mouth is filled to spilling over with his hot jizz. The taste is so strange to me, but soothing, metallic tasting, salty, but not actually salty, alien, but welcome because of where It came from. I hold it in my mouth not wanting to give it up, just savor it. I hear Skip chuckle above me with his big hands holding the back of my head: 

“Go ahead and swallow Brad. There’s a lot more where that came from. And after chow tonight, I’m going to get this pig sticker of mine up that virgin cowboy channel of yours and school you on how a real cowboy rides the range, so swallow your lunch!”

End of Chapter 3

By the time I’d been in sale a month, with the help of Gene, my conversion rate had improved, and I was making several sales a week. Each sale was celebrated with American sperm inside me, when Gene made a sale, I gave him a BJ. When we both got lucky, we were in for a long session.

We were in bed on a Sunday morning. We had both showered, but it was pissing down. I was spooning him, with my erection up his crack. He turned to me and whispered “Why don’t you fuck me?” I didn’t need to be asked twice, and slid down the duvet to eat ass, slobbering on his hole. I moved back up, and holding on to his hips, pushed in. He yelped, then moaned with pleasure as he adjusted to the invasion. I began thrusting, whilst he tossed. “I want to watch you cum”, so we moved into the missionary, to kiss and watch our faces contort as our orgasms built. He stroked faster and I plunged deeper. He writhed beneath me, groaning and swearing. I sensed he was getting close, and so was I. With a final “FUCK!”, puddles of spunk formed on his belly. His ejaculating made his ring tighten, and I released my babies. When we had recovered, he said that he didn’t think that he would enjoy bottoming, but it had opened up a whole new world.

I knew my time in sales was limited, and with Easter approaching, I was moved back to the other site. Derek had left, leaving me in charge of reception. I had a girl to help me out, and Brad, an ex Para, who had been invalided out of the services following an accident. Brad was 38, needed crutched to walk, but was upbeat and inspirational. 6’0″ tall, married with kids, short fair hair and a commanding personality. I took to him right away. He was a quick learner, and we worked well as a team.

We had finished work for the day and were heading home, when he tripped on some concrete steps. I rushed to help him. He had torn his trousers and gashed his knee. With his arm around my shoulder, I helped him to the caravan, eased his trousers down and sat him on the bed. He phoned his wife to say what had happened, and that he’d be home as soon as I’d bandaged him up. I gently cleaned the wound, perhaps too gently, as he sprang a boner in his white briefs. Tentatively, I asked if there was anything else I could do for him, stroking his bulge. “I’m not gay”, he insisted, but his dick popped out of the leg of his pants. “It’s beautiful, can I touch it?” He opened his legs and I touched the velvety skin. His eyes closed as I licked the crown He murmured “God, that’s nice, the wife won’t do it”. I cupped his balls through the cotton and began giving him head. I upped the tempo and he held my head and pumped. Suddenly he held me tight and filled my mouth. I swallowed what I could and wiped the rest from my chin. “Fuck me, I needed that!”. “You’re welcome anytime”, I replied, wiping cum from my lips. He drove an automatic, but I suggested he got a taxi, and I’ll get someone to pick him up in the morning. I tidied him up and helped him back to reception.

Next day, he thanked me for my help and winked at me. In a quiet moment, he whispered that he’d like to do it again. As soon as the girl left, we moved into the back room. He leant against the table and I unbuckled him, pulling his trousers and boxers down together. He was already hard. I pulled my own dick out so I could toss myself. His balls were impressively large. I started bobbing up and down. “You’re amazing”. I licked his bollocks and sucked dick. Suddenly, he said “Would you like me to fuck you?” Surprised, we changed around I bent over the desk, pulling my cheeks apart, and told him to spit on his dick and my hole. He held me by the waist and pushed in. “Don’t get much from the missus”, he complained, thrusting into me. I wanked as he pumped away. “I’m not going to last”, he said, thrusting harder. “Go for it”, I said and his sperm shot into me. I splattered on the floor. His softening cock slipped out and I turned around and licked him clean. “I’m not gay, but that was fantastic”. He was to have a lot more I’m not gay sex.                

                                          *              *               *                              

Shortly before Easter, I had an email from Jakub, asking if there were any jobs going, and if so, could he bring his friend, Filip? The attachment had a picture of them kissing. Filip had dark hair and a round, boyish face. He looked 16, but was 19. I replied, saying I’d ask the boss, but they were welcome to stay for a couple anyway.

As it turned out, there were k.p. jobs in the kitchen. They arrived at the beginning of April. I met them in reception and showed them to my caravan. It would be cramped, but fun. They unpacked and I took them to meet the kitchen manager, so they could learn their jobs, while I had a shower and relaxed before work. Half an hour later, I was relaxing in my underwear, flicking through a porn mag, when they returned. I couldn’t hide my erection, and Jakub had seen it a dozen times before, so I carried on. The two lads dropped their pants and within minutes we each had a cock down our throat. Shifting, Jakub lifted my legs and rimmed me while I carried on giving Filip head. Filip held my legs up while Jakub proceeded to have his way with me. Precum oozed out of me as he pistoned in and out, leaning over to kiss Filip at the same time. They swapped and I felt Filip’s impressive tool slide in. They turned me over and did me doggy, then Filip lay on his back and I rode him. Leaning forward to kiss, Jakub ran his cock in alongside his compatriot’s. Two Polish poles at once was too much for me and I splattered over Filip without touching myself. Jakub slid out of me and fired his warm semen into my mouth, while Filip bred me. I cleaned them and then had another shower before work. 

That evening, we went down the pub, then back to the van. This time I watched as the two of them made out. Shifting into a sixty-nine, Filip’s bud winked at me. I couldn’t resist and licked his hole. Jakub guided me in. With me humping, Jakub pushed a finger in alongside my dick. I pumped harder and unloaded. Jakub licked my shrinking cock, squeezing the last drops out, then took my place, treating me to a sexual display in a variety of positions. Filip came next, firing jets into the air, and Jakub covered his boyfriend’s face. The next couple of weeks were a marathon of sex.     

Stay with me on this one, guys. It’s long.

---

February

“Hey,” Chrisette answers the phone. I can tell that it’s Todd on the other end. “Do you need anything?”

I go back to my computer.

“I wish I could, sweetie, but I’m headed to work right now. Babe could bring you some.” I look at her sharply with a protest locked and loaded, but Chrisette shushes me with a wave of her hand. “Uh huh. Mkay, sure thing. I’ll give him your address.”

I let her say her goodbyes before I start protesting. “Chrisette—”

She’s barely paying attention to me as she grabs her purse and sunglasses. “His mom died yesterday, Jesse. Yesterday. Just bring the man another box of tissues.”

“I thought all his family was already dead.”

Chrisette gives me a curious look.

“That’s what he told me.” I try not to squirm.

“It’s his foster mom, the one he spent most of high school with. They were super close.”

“Oh.” Nothing I learn about that guy is fun. It’s never did you know that Todd was a national yo-yo champion in middle school? and always Todd survived the foster care system. But still, I don’t see why I’m the best person for, like, grief duty. So I try, “Well…I also have work. Like, a lot of it.”

“You can literally work whenever you want to,” Chrisette scoffs, kissing my cheek. “Take half an hour to act like a human.”

I’m not done whining. “He has a girlfriend!”

Placing her hands on either side of my face, my beautiful  wife speaks sternly to me. “Listen, baby. Sasha is coming back from Chicago tomorrow. You know I can’t miss more work until my maternity leave starts. All I’m asking you to do is bring my friend some Kleenex so he’s not crying into his sleeves.” Chrisette kisses me. “Can you do that for me?”

I pout exaggeratedly to make her laugh and grumble, “Yes.” She bites me playfully and escapes out the door.

I don’t know why I got the biggest pack available, but an hour later I’m in one of the nicest lofts in town with an assload of tissues in my arms. I can’t really knock, so I just kick the door a couple times.

“It’s Jesse,” I call.

The lock clicks and the door opens up a crack. “Come on in,” Todd says hoarsely, and leaves my line of sight.

Following him into his apartment, my heart pounds like I’m entering a cage match. Honestly, the last time I saw the guy was at my wedding. I’m breaking my winning streak of Toddlessness.

He waves me to the large sectional and collapses in the middle of it. It’s so fucking uncomfortable to watch him try to think of something to say to me, so I busy myself with opening the pack of tissues. Should I compliment his apartment? Or ask him about his foster mom? Am I supposed to ignore how bloodshot his eyes are?

I sit on the other end of the couch. “Here.”

Todd takes the new box of tissues I hold out and puts his forehead on his knees. Can I leave yet?

“Uh, do you, like, need anything?” I ask awkwardly.

Todd shakes his head. I sigh. I don’t like Todd. But he’s weeping silently into his sweatpants, he’s wearing a fucking hoodie, and it looks like he hasn’t slept in days. Chrisette told me to act like a human.

“Do you want me to go get you a burger or something?” When Todd doesn’t respond I touch his shoulder “Hey—”

Todd grabs me in this fucking bear hug, like, wraps himself around me, and starts bawling like a baby. That’s just pitiful. I can’t not let him cry it out now, no matter how regularly punchable his face is. I pat his head and rock him a little; it’s good practice for when my kid is born, at least. I never thought it could happen, but I actually feel some sympathy for him. It’s hard to fake snotting into someone’s shirt.

I don’t know what to say. My family is so small and everybody’s alive even if we don’t get along; how could I possibly comfort this grieving man? I don’t know what kind of relationship he had to his foster mom, but whether they were tight or not he’s clearly torn up about losing her.

Patting his back, I tell him, “I’m really sorry about your mom.”

Todd’s response is to hug me even tighter. He’s basically in my lap, wailing and shaking, and I don’t know what to do or say. Quit overthinking, I eventually tell myself after all the patting and rocking side to side hasn’t calmed Todd down. Treat him like any other sad person. Be nice.

“Hey,” I say in what I hope is a soothing tone. Todd lifts his face a little and wipes a tear from his cheek. His lashes look even longer when they’re wet, and his pale eyes are less calculating. “You’re not alone, you know?” He nods, sniffling, and I kiss his salty mouth before letting him bury his face in my neck again.

Why the fucking fuck did I kiss him just now? That’s something I would have done if Chrisette was sad, something to comfort her. Not Todd. Never fucking Todd. But I just kissed Todd of my own free will because he looked miserable and his face was close to mine.

We stay in that position for an hour, Todd occasionally reaching for another tissue, and I shift now and then so that he isn’t cutting off my circulation. He talks about his mom, how she showed him what parental love could look like, how she wanted to adopt him but it was such a slow process that he aged out of the system. She helped put him through college. Todd used his first paycheck to take her out to dinner and she scolded him for wasting money on her.

I don’t want to know any of this. I don’t want Todd to be a real person with problems or a history or feelings. However, my hands keep stroking his back while he talks, soothing him when he gets choked up. I make encouraging noises right when I should shut up and let Todd stop talking. There’s work waiting for me at home, and I’m going to have to send apologies to a couple of clients, but I stay on that couch, holding fucking Todd like he’s a teddy bear.

Chrisette texts me to see how things are going, then sends a picture of her prenatal vitamins with the caption, “Gonna do a couple lines at work.” I show the photo to Todd, who chuckles, and then we go right back to…cuddling? Are we cuddling? It’s a cuddly position, but Todd is still a rat bastard.

When I finally leave Todd only says, “Thanks, Jesse,” which for some reason feels like the most loaded sentence he’s ever said. I go home feeling more sad and guilty than my wedding night, and tell Chrisette that I’ve been with Todd the whole time. She suggests that I’m more sensitive to feelings because I’m gonna be a dad. Maybe she’s right.

 

March—October 

I feel bad that Chrisette hates being pregnant so much when I’ve never had more fun. Finally I’m not the only sober one at parties. We spend way more time together now that she’s helping convert the office into a nursery. I build bookshelves, and give massages, and take her to appointments, and it’s fun because we’re gearing up for the next phase of our family. It’s like, this is the time when I prove that she didn’t settle for me. Her mom was all, “Jesse seems very attentive,” and Chrisette goes, “Yeah, he’s been amazing,” even without knowing I could hear her. Plus, she gets crazy horny at random times. It feels like when we first started dating, only we’re both trying as hard as I used to. She doesn’t even make fun of me that much when I ask her to be a little aggressive with me.

Best of all it feels like Todd has finally developed some sense of boundaries. He isn’t calling Chrisette up all the time, or dropping by just whenever, or cornering me to stick his hand down my pants. When he’s not around Chrisette and I are just in love, just us as we’re supposed to be. Nearly nine months of unadulterated bliss, minus Chrisette’s morning sickness and tiredness and the general discomfort of growing a human in her uterus.Then the sole proudest day of my life, and then six weeks of trying to set a regular sleep schedule for baby Seth and coaxing Chrisette to take her postpartum medication.

Chrisette starts going out again. I encourage it so that she can see her friends; she hates feeling cooped up at home but doesn’t like taking Seth with her because she gets anxious about him. Sure, it means that she’s hanging around Todd again, but as Chrisette puts it: “My pussy still feels like a gaping wound.”

At least if Todd is around he has enough sense to stay out of our house. I mean, it’s not like I miss having sex with him. That would be fucking insane. Chrisette is probably keeping him away on purpose anyway. Who would trust that snake with an infant?

I know it’s the first-time-parent paranoia, but I can’t stand to have my child out of my sight for long when Chrisette isn’t there. So Seth and I hang out a lot. He becomes an extension of my body; I have him on me during meetings, when running errands, and the bassinet is in arm’s reach when I cook. All the practice I did with diaper changes pays off, and though I’m not getting much work done it doesn’t seem to matter when a tiny human being is morphing and growing in front of my very eyes. However, I’m fucking exhausted all the time. It barely registers when Chrisette starts working weekends.

“It’s like they didn’t know what to do with my cases, so they just stalled until I was back. The whole thing is a mess,” she complains as she nurses Seth one morning. 

“It’s a corporate merger; shouldn’t they have a whole team of lawyers to help?” I ask, though when I see her expression I clarify, “It’s not fair to you, is all.”

She sighs. “I wish, Babe, but we’re in crisis mode.”

I don’t know jack shit about lawyering, so I trust her on that. TV would have me believe that lawyers are always in crisis mode, so I’m grateful for any time Chrisette spends at home. There’s one time when her assistant messages me to say that he can’t get a hold of Chrisette. I’m trying to feed Seth and myself at the same time, so I write back, She’s probably still at lunch. And he says, Oh sorry. I thought she said she was running home. The baby in my arms distracts me from thinking too much more about it, but when I plug my phone in that night I see the text chain.

“Oh hey,” I yawn as Chrisette crawls into bed, “did the office get a hold of you today?”

“What?” she asks. Her tone tells me that I’m close to catching a stray for her work being overbearing, so I wave it off.

“Nothing big. Aiden texted me that he couldn’t reach you,” I say through another jaw-cracking yawn, “and thought you might be home for lunch.”

“Oh! I was at the doctor’s office and left my phone in the car,” Chrisette explains. I’m so fucking proud of her that she actually went to an appointment, but sometimes Chrisette gets irritated when I congratulate her for doing something she already knows she’s supposed to do. She says it makes her feel infantilized, which I can understand.

Instead I ask, “Any updates?”

It’s Chrisette’s turn to wave her hand dismissively. “It was just to renew my prescription.”

In the morning, when I’m updating our shared calendar, I see the appointment missing from yesterday’s schedule. But I’m a good husband, so I mark it down with a reminder in twenty-eight days to go back for a refill.

 

November

The week before my wedding anniversary, Sasha is the last person I expect to show up on my doorstep. I don’t know her well enough to read her expression, but she seems tense.

“Uh, Chrisette isn’t—”

“I know,” Sasha interrupts. “I need to talk to you.” She brushes past me before I can fully open the door. My brain starts racing at the kind of bad news she might be delivering. “Is someone hurt?”

“No.” She huffs at herself. “Well, maybe my ego.”

Oh no. Oh shit. Don’t say it. 

“Todd and Chrisette are sleeping together. I caught them.”

Deep down I knew this was going to happen eventually, but it still makes my knees weak. I sit down. 

“You’re sure?” My voice sounds like it’s coming from somewhere else. I clear my throat. “Sorry, I believe you, I just…”

Sasha paces in front of the television. “I came home on my lunch break and walked in on them. She is supposed to be my best friend. This has obviously been going on for a while, but I was so confident that I was enough—I mean, fucking look at me!” she exclaims, gesturing angrily. “I don’t get cheated on! And who the fuck does that to their friend? You think you’re pretty smart, right? Like you’re a good judge of character, and then you find the characters you judged to be good, fucking on the kitchen island.”

The tirade stops when she looks down at me. 

“Jesse, I’m sorry,” Sasha says. “I was so mad and I thought you had the right to know. Or I just wanted you to know so I wasn’t alone in my rage.”

I shake my head, feeling heavy. “It’s not your fault, Sasha. They’re grown-ass adults, and they know better. And to be honest—”

“You saw this coming?” Sasha finishes. The poor woman. She looks so sad.

I nod.

She shakes her head. “I should be more upset about my cheating boyfriend, but I always felt like Chrisette only set us up because she couldn’t save him for later; you know what I mean? Always telling us how perfect we were for each other, how cute we were as a couple, like, protesting too much, you know? And Todd was always so weird about you two. But moving in together was his fucking idea, so why would I be worried that he’s waiting for Chrisette to dump you, right?”

I rub my eyes, feeling old. “Fucking why?”

Sasha’s mouth screws up. “Todd keeps everybody at arm’s length, which I think is because he’s holding onto some deep childhood shit,” she says. “I thought I could handle him, which was a mistake.”

We both stare at the floor for a second. What are the two of us supposed to do about it?

“Um, do you want to see Seth? He hasn’t been out much, so…”

Sasha seems startled by my offer. “Oh, thanks, but I’m not really a baby person.”

“Neither is his mom,” I grumble before I can shut up.

“Jesus H. Christ,” Sasha kind of laughs, “we picked some real pieces of shit to fall in love with, huh?” She picks up her purse to leave.

“Sasha.”

She turns around.

“Seriously, thanks.”

Sasha nods and closes the door behind her. 

Fucking Todd calls me that night.

“The fuck do you want?” I answer the phone.

He sighs. “I’m sorry, Jesse.”

“No, you are fucking not. Congratulations: after all these years you got what you wanted.”

“Look, man, it was me or a one-way ticket to Amsterdam. Chrissy’s seriously going through some shit.”

“Some shit?!” I cannot believe the words coming out of his mouth. “There’s a clinical term for what she’s going through. She got it diagnosed very easily. There’s even medication that she isn’t taking. Appointments that she skipped, apparently to hop on your rotten dick. Chrisette has a son. His name is Seth. Who she needs to come take care of because I can’t fucking do it by myself. She won’t feed him. She won’t hold him. She comes running to you, and instead of being the friend you always claimed to be, you fuck her.”

“Jesse—”

“Of course, she’s gonna be happier away from her actual family. You’re helping her to pretend that she isn’t a goddam new mother.”

“She’s depressed…”

“I fucking know! And I know it isn’t her fault, but you know what is? Not taking her pills. Missing therapy. Canceling appointments. Choosing not to deal with it like a fucking adult and running off to a fantasy affair with Señor Sociopath!”

My voice gets too loud; Seth’s wail starts up in the nursery.

“Jesse, listen for a fucking second.”

“I can’t,” I snap. “Seth just started crying, so I have to go take care of him so that he can live to cry another day. Fuck off forever.”

I don’t even bother hanging up when I shove the phone in my back pocket. It’s an hour and a half before Seth calms down enough for me to put him back in his crib. He stares at his zoo mobile for a few minutes before going to sleep. I take up my customary place in the rocking lounge chair. It’s too small for me; Chrisette picked it out.

This has to be my fault somehow. Everything that happened with Todd, all that guilt building up and me not saying anything—somehow that got pushed on Chrisette, and then when she got pregnant she couldn’t be happy because she was so worried about what kind of world she’d be bringing a kid into or something. Chrisette is the only person in the world who ever wanted me as much as I wanted her, and I threw all that away for a couple minutes of physical satisfaction. I broke it, so I should fix it, right? Right?

A week later Todd calls me when I’m feeding the baby. 

“Please fuck off unless you’re informing me that my wife is coming home,” I say in a singsong voice.

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Because I have a little baby boy in my arms, yes I do. Yes I do!”

Seth, smiling around his bottle, flails a little at me.

“Well, Chrisette is on her way over there—”

“Oh, boy, Mommy’s coming home!”

“—but I just want you to know that she told me what she wanted to say to you, and I just want you to know that none of it was my idea.”

“What’s with the sudden change of heart? Did you steal somebody else’s conscience? Is that what you did?” I tickle my son’s round little belly. “I’ll bet you did!”

Seth finds this conversation stimulating, at least.

“Naw, man, I just…” Todd sighs like the weight of the world is on his chiseled shoulders. “You were right, I should have sent Chrissy home. I’m really sorry.”

I say nothing, hoping belatedly that I seem cool instead of dumbfounded. When was the last time someone genuinely apologized to me? Thanks to my temper I’m usually the one in the wrong. Not that I’m blameless here, even, but like…an I’m sorry is kinda nice.

 

When Chrisette walks in alone I feel my jaw unclench. It’s only been a week but she does look good—the bags under her eyes are smaller, her skin is glowing, and her sweater shows off her new cleavage. If she told me to drop my pants for her now, I’d do it. She puts her bag down, hangs her coat up, and folds her arms. I wait.

Chrisette wastes no time setting her conditions. “I want Todd to move in with us.”

“What.” My voice is completely flat; my wife has lost it.

She gestures nonchalantly. “He’s a positive spirit, his lease is almost up, and since he’s not always tied to an office he can help me out with Seth while I work.”

I want to shake her. Help her with Seth? I take care of Seth. Seth is a positive spirit. I work at home. Todd spends half his life on active construction sites. 

“That isn’t a good idea, Chrisette.”

“You know that if we get divorced, I’ll get custody.”

I can’t breathe for a moment. If we get what now? I hadn’t even thought about it, much less if I would get custody of my son. Chrisette was supposed to get better. Nobody had been around to see how she has been acting, nobody but Todd would know that she was out every night and not coming home. He wouldn’t do a damn thing to help me. I can’t lose Seth.

“I don’t want a divorce,” I say honestly, trying to sound like sweat didn’t just start beading around my hairline.

She folds her arms. “Then let Todd move in.”

“Chrisette, that’s weird. There’s nowhere for him to sleep.”

She just stares at me.

I get it. “No way. No fucking way.”

“Then enjoy mixing formula for your monthly visitation days.”

“Chrisette, that is fucking extreme!” I’m trying to stay calm, but it’s damn hard to not yell.

She explodes. “I did not stop being a person just because something fell out of my uterus! I’m still young! I have goals, and feelings, and needs, and I’m more than just that baby’s milk cow!”

Spreading my hands passively, I count to ten and use my NPR voice. “Nobody thinks of you as a milk cow,” I reply carefully, “but this is some important, like, bonding time that you’re missing. You’re also ignoring your own well-being, and I want to help. Seriously. Chrisette, just be here so we can figure shit out. We don’t need Todd to do that.” There’s a headache forming above my right eye. 

“I need him,” she insists.

“Are you for real right now? You understand that more changes won’t—”

Chrisette cuts me off. “Do not mansplain postpartum to me, Jesse,” she seethes. “And if you love me the way you say you do, then you will trust that I know what I fucking need. And you will listen to me.”

This is emotional abuse, I almost say, but is that my wounded man pride talking? If I get defensive then I’ll push her right back into the slimy embrace of do-whatever-you-want Todd. 

“I love you, and I want you to love yourself as much as I do,” I finally say. “Can you please just try doing what Dr. Gupta suggested?”

Chrisette seems to soften a little. “Yeah, Babe. I’m sorry that this is weird for you.”

“Well—”

She cuts me off. “This is just part of my healing. Giving birth is traumatic, okay? Todd will help me be good to you.”

“Fucking how?” I bust out before I can stop myself. It’s the wrong thing to say, obviously. Chrisette both shrinks into herself but seems to grow three feet taller.

She talks through clenched teeth. “It’s either me and Todd together, or you’re on your own. Pick, Jesse.”

I can’t. What if her parents find out? What if Seth likes Todd more? What if I have to watch her be in love and she’s happier than she ever was with me?

“Tell Todd to meet me by the fountain at Carver Park at eleven tomorrow,” I finally say, trying to sound firm. “If this is happening, and he’s going to be here while I’m working, then there are some ground rules that we need to go over.”

Chrisette just rolls her eyes.

“And you,” I point right at her tits, “are going to start pumping so I’m not feeding our son formula every damn day. Feed him yourself when you’re home and take your fucking pills.”

“You don’t get to tell me how to be a parent.”

“I wouldn’t have said anything if I’d thought you would do it. I can’t believe I have to negotiate with you about being a good fucking mom right after you were whoring around.” Again it’s the wrong thing to say, but I’m hurting so badly that I don’t know how to be kind.

Chrisette closes in on me like a shark. I’ve never been scared of her before. “If you,” she says in a low, slow voice, “ever talk to me like that again I will leave you. I will pack up that kid and you will never see us again.”

“Chrisette—”

“I will take out a restraining order on you. Do you understand me? If you fucking ever use that kind of language about me, if you raise your voice, I will haul you into a fucking courtroom and have you put on a list.”

I want to shrink into myself like a turtle. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry.”

She narrows her eyes, but relaxes a little. Right on time, Seth’s little hungry cry starts up.

“Please—”

“I fucking know, Jesse!”

“Sorry.”

Chrisette makes me text Todd, myself. It’s the first message I’ve ever sent to the bastard, but he must have saved my number because he responds immediately with a simple, Can do. I guess structural engineering isn’t all that demanding if he can just drop work to sit in a cold-ass park.

If I look at it sideways and squint a little, this meetup is a good thing. I shower and put on adult clothes for the first time in days. Seth is bundled up and experiencing the outdoors. There are some squirrels and shit scurrying around, so even if there’s no live grass to touch there’s still wildlife.

Todd actually looks happy to see me. Maybe he got dropped on his head as a child. “I’d never do that to you,” I whisper to Seth, whose little mouth works in his sleep.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me here,” Todd greets me like he called this shindig. “The beard is new. Looks good, man.”

“Chrisette said she’ll only move back if you move in with us,” I reply. No use dragging this shit out.

He hold his arms out. “May I hold him?”

I narrow my eyes. This is some sort of trap. Todd’s actually some sort of goblin who steals babies and turns them into circus animals. “Did you hear any of what I just said?”

“Yeah, and I want to hold Seth.” He curls his fingers a couple times; that gimme gimme gesture. It makes me want to cut him on the face. 

Nevertheless I hand over the most precious being in my life to the asshole ruining my marriage. Todd takes my son like he’s just been handed a billion dollars. His face lights up, he smiles in a way that I’ve never seen, and settles Seth into the crook of his arm.

“Hey, handsome,” he says softly as he runs his fingertip down Seth’s chubby little cheek. “You look like your daddy. I’ll bet you’re the sweetest little boy in the world.”

I smile at that; it’s hard not to when someone compliments my boy. He is handsome, he does look like me, and he is the best baby in the world. Seth opens his eyes just a little bit and yawns.

“Why, good morning, sleepy boy. Aren’t you adorable?” Todd croons. You’d think he’d never seen a baby before. “He has your nose, I think.”

It’s cold and I shouldn’t want to be here. “I’m concerned that Chrisette is creating more problems instead of, like, getting counseling for the ones she already has. And that she’s using you as a buffer between expectations and reality.” I sigh and scratch my head. “But Seth needs his mom.”

“You don’t want me there,” Todd states matter-of-fact. “God, why do babies’ heads smell so good?”

“I don’t want you anywhere,” I reply bluntly, “but Chrisette claims that you’re the only reason she hasn’t booked it to Indonesia to ‘find herself,’ so I’ll work with what I got.” I want to say more. I want to tell somebody, even fucking Todd, about the threats she made and how I can’t sleep for fear that she’ll make good on them.

He kisses my son’s head again. “That’s pretty fucked up, man,” Todd says.

That strikes me as so bizarre, this cuckolding, life-ruining, ass-fucking, manipulative motherfucker suddenly gaining a moral compass. I don’t know why I’m laughing so hard. I don’t know why I’m laughing at all. Maybe it’s because I’m on a park bench in the middle of fucking winter, trying to negotiate goddam Todd moving in with me and my wife while he makes faces at my infant son. When did I become the craziest person I know?

“That is fucked up,” I agree when I catch my breath. “What’s worse is that she means it.”

Todd shrugs. “It’s impossible to know what she’s going through, though.”

I fucking know that! Ugh, this fucking guy. “She says she needs you around, so fine. You’re around. Here’s how you stay around.” I tick off the rules on my fingers. “Do not touch me. Do not even imply that anything was ever between us. Pay for a third of monthly utilities and the mortgage. Park on the street. Store your extra shit somewhere that is not my house. Help with cooking and housework. Stay out of my way, especially when I’m working.”

Touching my son’s nose playfully, Todd goes, “Whatever you want, Babe,” in a way that could either mean he’s planning to break every rule on purpose or that he wasn’t paying attention to me at all.

And that’s it. I’m still looking at air mattress reviews when Chrisette announces that Todd will be here in a couple minutes. We got him some space in the closet and cleared out a spot for bathroom stuff, but that’s it. I’m not ready for a house guest. Roommate. Throuple.

She’s so excited when he arrives. I don’t move from the dining room table. Todd gives Chrisette a quick hug and lifts a carton. “I brought Babe some ginger beer.”

Is this supposed to be a fucking host gift?

“Ooh, we can make Dark and Stormies!” Chrisette says excitedly, but Todd holds it away from her.

“These are for your husband, for being as supportive as he is able at this juncture in your relationship.”

If I speak I’m going to curse them both out, so I say nothing. Todd meets my eyes—if I could incinerate him with my gaze I would—and puts his back to me.

“I’m actually just stopping by; I need to take some more stuff to the storage unit.”

Chrisette holds his arm affectionately as she says, “We can help you, if you want.”

Even before I can say We fucking cannot, Todd chuckles like she’s being ridiculous. “Don’t volunteer Jesse for this, you goose. I need to take some measurements—”

“For what?” my wife asks.

“My couch has a pretty comfy pull-out bed.” Now Todd glances back at me, and it’s like yeah bro, this feels like a detail you should have worked out beforehand.

Chrisette pshaws. “No, no, no. We are grown adults; no one is going to sleep on a sofa bed.”

It feels like a rock is growing in my stomach. “We talked about this. Let him at least see if the couch fits, baby,” I say, trying to sound casual about it. But my voice sounds weird and they both turn toward me.

The woman I married, who I thought chose me, leans around her side piece protectively. “We did talk about this, and I said he’s not sleeping on the couch. Or an air mattress. If you don’t like it, you sleep on the couch.”

“I am not sharing our bed with another fucking person,” I shout, and Todd raises his eyebrows. Fuck him. 

Chrisette folds her arms. “It’s a fucking California king.”

The baby monitor sounds. Seth is awake, probably thanks to the loud noises I just made. All I do is open my mouth and Chrisette throws her hands up.

“I already fucking know, Jesse.” She stomps to the nursery.

Todd decides to follow that with: “You’re being a touch hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“You are a certified life-ruiner,” I say. It must sound exactly like I mean it, because that seems to take the wind out of his sails.

Todd gestures helplessly. “She’s taking her pills.”

And feeding Seth. I suppose that’s what I wanted. “Honestly—and you’re the only person I’ve ever said this to—I wish I had never met you.”

“Harsh.”

I rub my forehead. I’ve been getting a lot more headaches lately. “Do you have a plan, here?” I ask tiredly. “Like, five years from now, when Seth is in school, are you coming to parent-teacher conferences? Am I cooking for four? Does Chrisette still want you around?” I have more questions, all the shit that keeps me up at night.

Todd shrugs his shoulders, which I now know means he’s already thought about it and just refuses to say. “Look; I’ll make sure that in the bed we only sleep.” Like he could promise that.

“How goddam saintly of you,” I say flatly.

“And that Chrissy is in the middle.”

“Again, good sir, you are too fucking kind.”

“We’re helping her keep herself alive, Jesse,” Todd says sharply, and I look over at him.

Neither of us was supposed to say it. Of all people, of all the smart, good, wonderful people, Chrisette shouldn’t…It’s not right. I shouldn’t try to, like, armchair diagnose her, and she’d be the first to remind me that men trying to explain women’s issues without listening to a single woman is how we got here in the first place. “She won’t, uh, when I ask, um,” I clear my throat; suddenly thick. “Could you see if she’ll think about therapy?”

Todd tilts his head. “Have you?”

“I went for a few months,” I reply defensively, “but my insurance doesn’t cover it and the cost was, well, whatever.”

“You’re not on Chrissy’s insurance?” He asks like it should be a stupid questions with an easy answer.

“No, she said it wouldn’t make a difference until we got married, and then…I don’t know. Like you say, this is about keeping Chrisette alive. It’s not about me.”

“No, I don’t think it is,” Todd agrees.

If I rub my eyes hard enough I won’t fucking cry. “Why couldn’t you leave her alone? Sasha is a fucking ten, bro. And,” Ooh shut up Jesse shut up shut up “all that shit you did to me, then, what was the point?”

Todd was silent long enough that I thought he was getting ready to say something real, but he just goes, “This is all for Chrisette.”

I shouldn’t have fucking asked. I knew—I knew!—I should never allow myself to wonder; that way lies danger. There be dragons. But I had to fucking whine like I didn’t know all along that the bastard only messed with me because I was with the woman he wanted. I was a goddam proxy, and I knew that from the start, and I didn’t need to get my dumb little feelers extra hurt by making Todd tell me directly.

With a deep, calming breath, I put my headphones on to indicate that I’m done with him for now. “Stay away from me, bro. That’s the only way this works.”

 

---

December on

There’s a routine I find—waking up when Seth does at five-thirty, doing some chores before everyone else is awake, working between feeding and changing Seth, taking meetings when he naps, and then cooking dinner so that it’s ready when Chrisette gets home. I hand Seth off to her for half an hour while I shower. She puts him down at seven-thirty, and then I have three hours until Seth wakes up again. If Chrisette is still home she feeds him, but usually Seth gets a bottle and I have him back in his crib before midnight. Chrisette tells me that she gets up with him in the night, but I know that Todd often does it instead. I’m just glad I get to sleep.

Ma Shen calls me one time, and for a second I think she’s going to offer to help, but she just shouts at me. English, then Mandarin, then English again, and eventually I just put the phone on the table and mute myself while she yells.

“Useless! What kind of household are you running?”

She’s mostly angry at Chrisette, I tell myself, and probably embarrassed. Then again, Pa Shen told me plenty of times that I couldn’t handle their daughter.

After about ten minutes I cut in. “Seth’s going to wake up any minute, so I’ve gotta go. I’d love for you to see him if you’d like to stop by, just let me know.” I should let her respond, but it feels good to hang up on her.

What kind of household am I running? Fuck if I know. I’m too tired to do anything but work and parent; Chrisette tells me one time that she fucked Todd in the bed right next to me and I slept through it. Todd tells her to shut up, which means she’s telling the truth even though he guaranteed me no fucking in my bed. Doesn’t make any difference if I know about it. Nothing feels like anything anymore.

One time Todd—fucking Todd—looks at me sideways and goes, “You okay?”

“Fine and fucking dandy, bro,” I reply. I have a deadline.

“How long has it been since you went to Guys’ Night?”

I shrug. I can’t imagine trying to answer a how’s-life question from the guys. I don’t want to talk about myself anymore, ever. Plus, Chrisette doesn’t like them.

Todd has a follow up. “Or hung out with anyone who isn’t us?”

I look up from my tablet. Todd is giving me this worried face that goes away almost immediately. I want to tell him that he’s the problem, but I can’t muster up the energy. “I’m fine.”

“Have you eaten today?”

I can’t remember, so I ignore him. A few minutes later a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup appears on the desk. I look up at Todd.

“I’ll leave you alone if you eat it.”

He stares at me until I pick up the spoon. It tastes fine, and I guess I hadn’t eaten anything since…did I have dinner yesterday? Who fucking cares.

The next day Chrisette texts me from the office. I want us to start having dinner together. Todd says he’ll cook sometimes.

For a while that works, and Chrisette is in top form. She gets an award at work, handles bigger clients, and even runs home to breastfeed Seth at lunch instead of pumping at the firm. For a couple months I had been hopeful that she’d choose me again, but aside from a quick peck when she gets home I could be a live-in nanny. Still, watching her be a great mom is one of the few joys I can find for a while.

She seems happy. That’s worth it, right? For better and for worse. I don’t get to skip out on the “worse” part.

Even when he’s brushing his teeth next to me, I try not to think about Todd. I make dinner for three, but I don’t think about Todd. I go to sleep with two other people in my bed, but I don’t think about Todd. I masturbate in the shower almost every day, just to feel something, but I definitely don’t think about Todd. I don’t think about anything then.

In the spring he catches me. We don’t get to lock the door when we shower because we only have the one bathroom. I’m getting ready to come and so that white noise is in my ears, blocking out everything except that feeling of almost there, almost there.

The shower curtain flies back. Todd stares at me, dressed like he just got out of a meeting. I don’t have any words; standing there like an idiot with my dick in my hands. Todd kicks off his shoes.

“What?” My brain can’t even function enough to finish the dozen questions I have. Todd drops his suit jacket on the floor and climbs into the tub. My response to an adrenaline rush must be to freeze, because I just stand there while Todd touches me, brushing my stomach with one hand while the other is busy on my inner thighs. I do have the presence of mind to close the shower curtain, though. Chrisette hates it when there’s water on the floor.

I jump when he touches my balls. Todd grins evilly, the water pouring over us and blurring his glasses. My entire pelvis feels electrified, and at any moment the fuse will be lit and it’ll be too late. Todd’s shirt is soaked through in the front already.

Steadying myself with a hand on the wall, I let Todd grip my shaft and jerk it slowly. Holy fuck, it’s been a long time since anyone else touched it. He’s teasing me—easing up the pressure as his hand travels to the head until he’s barely brushing the tip, playing with the foreskin.

“Fuck, that’s nice.” I didn’t think that I was going to say it, but once it’s out in the open Todd smiles even bigger before he kisses me. Not my mouth, at first. My neck, my ears, my shoulders, my jaw, until on instinct I turn my face towards him. It’s not like I wanted to kiss him. It’s good etiquette. It’s a habit. It’s being deprived.

Without letting go of my cock Todd unzips his pants. I let him guide my hand inside, but I don’t stroke him gently. I just want to get off; I want him to get me off; I shove his underwear down enough to jerk him hard. His cock stiffens in my hands, which is weird and wild. It’s not a turn on because I hate Todd. I just want him to make me cum. There’s no way to prove whether I’m horny because of Todd or just because there’s a hand on my dick. 

He pulls me to him. I fight to breathe past the water running down my face and Todd’s mouth on mine.

“That’s it,” he says softly. “That’s good.”

“Don’t fuck me,” I say for some reason. 

Todd chuckles a little. “Why not?”

“Just don’t right now.”

“Ha! Fine,” he says, nipping my bottom lip, “I won’t fuck you.”

It’s only natural to let him slip his tongue in my mouth, or to do the same to him. There’s nowhere to go because Todd’s other hand grips my ass so I can’t pull away. This all makes sense. If I rub my finger over the head of Todd’s dick then he jacks me harder. I can barely stand the furious pace; my toes are trying to curl and my thighs tremble.

Todd asks against my lips, “Do you want to come?”

“Yes,” I say, too foggy to lie. I’m so fucking close. 

“Ask me nicely.”

Asshole. “Let me come.”

“Say please.”

“Please let me come,” I beg. I don’t care I don’t fucking care just let me come. 

“Say my name.”

“Please, Todd.”

“Again.”

“Please, Todd, let me fucking come!”

“Come, then,” he says.

He kisses me and I respond like I’m starving for him. It’s just that I’m right there, I’m gonna come, I’m so fucking close and it feels so good and shit, shit I’m fucking his hand like a tight pussy and he squeezes just right and I’m fucking coming, oh my god I’m coming, fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck! Shit! Shit, shit. Oh fuck. Holy shit. 

“I’m fucking shaking,” I gasp, and of course Todd doesn’t give a shit. 

“On your knees,” he orders, and I’m so cum drunk that I kneel right there in the cramped tub as Todd jacks himself onto my face. “Open up.”

Whatever. I can barely tell the difference between the water and the hot jizz that shoots onto my face save for the little bit that gets in my mouth. It’s fine; it’ll wash off. The water is in my eyes, so I can’t even see Todd when he leans down to kiss me one last time and, like…this is a motherfucking kiss, bro. Todd puts both hands on my neck and uses his thumbs to hold my head in place. He goes softly at first, but then it’s like he’s trying to find the cum I swallowed and take it back. I feel it in my toes, even though my dick is in recovery mode.

“That’ll do, Babe,” he says when he lets me go.

I almost respond, “Thank you,” but I clamp my mouth shut.

---

April

“No, Scott just got out of surgery and I’m going to visit,” I remind her. “You’re supposed to watch Seth tonight.”

“I’m going out,” Chrisette repeats stubbornly. “Tell Todd to watch him. He’s super good with Seth.”

That is one trait of Todd’s that we can actually agree on. He is super good with our son. However, Todd is on some job site four hours away, and he’s not getting back in time to babysit.

“He doesn’t get back until after the visiting hours are over. Scotty’s sister put a whole meal train signup together. I told you about this.” I sound so whiny. “It’s on the calendar.”

Chrisette responds by kissing my forehead as she puts her earrings in. “Get something delivered or visit tomorrow during the day. Rowan’s only in town tonight.” She’s out the door before I can form my next protest.

Running through my list of childless friends in town takes about eight seconds. I haven’t seen most of them since the wedding; it’d be too weird to call them suddenly to come sit on my couch for an hour while Seth sleeps. And then if Todd came back while I was still out, and then he’s the one to explain why he has a key to my house? The most I tell anybody is “He’s staying with us for a while,” but even that leads to more questions, so…I guess I haven’t been talking to anyone, really.

It’s fine. I text Scotty and his sister, update the meal train calendar, and scoop Seth up for bedtime. He’s been fussy all day but doesn’t have a fever. We rock in the dark of his bedroom—I can’t remember any lullabies so I sing him “Stacey’s Mom” for an hour—but my poor baby won’t settle down. He’s usually a good sleeper. Is he okay? 

I even text my mom. Hey, can you think of any reason why Seth would be crying after months of sleeping well? I don’t think he’s sick. 

Mom must be off work tonight, because she replies immediately. Babies will go through sleep regression every now and then. As long as he’s fed, clean, dry, and warm then he’ll be fine. If he’s teething you can give him Children’s Tylenol.

Okay, so I just didn’t come at this from the common sense angle. No new teeth seem to be coming in, but I give my kid some Tylenol anyway. “Sleep is for champions,” I whisper encouragingly as I set Seth in his crib. He’s screaming at me before I’m out of the room.

Maybe I’ll get some work done. I’m not behind yet, but lately it feels like my brain is going bad. Everything takes longer. Tonight, though, I can at least put together some mood boards for one of my clients.

Seth finds a new decibel and I give up quickly. I can’t focus with my kid bawling his eyes out twenty feet away. Am I being too harsh? What if he pooped and I’m just ignoring it? But he just went, so he should be good for a few more hours…Seth is still wailing when Todd walks in.

“Do you need me to tag in?” he asks.

I shake my head. “He needs to cry it out and go to sleep.” My voice shakes, which makes me realize that my hands are shaking, too. I clench them. “He’s fed, dry, and clean. He doesn’t have a fever.”

“Is Chrisette out?”

“Yeah.” Why am I having so much trouble breathing? Am I having a heart attack? I’m not even thirty!

Todd puts his bag down on the dining table. “Dude, are you okay?”

“Fine.” Not fine—my airway is shutting down. I’m gonna throw up.

“You sure?” He reaches for my head area, probably just to clap me on the shoulder, but I knock his hand away. He gives me calm down hands.

“Just…don’t touch me right now.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

I clasp my hands above my head to try and open my ribcage. My nose is tingling and my eyes feel weird. Air seems thinner; my lungs can’t get enough. I’m sweating even though the house is cool. My heart beats erratically. “My chest—I think I might be having a heart attack.”

Todd approaches slowly. “Jesse, hey, let me help.”

He’s walking like he’s Chris Pratt in a fucking raptor cage, and also I can’t stop gasping long enough to tell him to fuck off so I let him get close and the guy…I almost laugh, because his whole “help” business is to give me a fucking hug. He’s all careful about it, too, like I’m gonna freak out on him or something. I mean, it’d be funny if that isn’t when I realize I’m crying.

“This is a panic attack,” Todd says. “You aren’t dying. Hang onto me.”

What if he’s wrong and I am dying? Does a panic attack mean that I have anxiety? Do I need meds? What if Chrisette’s issues are because of my bullshit and I should have been the one seeing a psychiatrist? How am I gonna be a fucking dad if I can’t get my shit together? I can’t even fucking get goddam air in my fucking lungs!

“You’re so stressed that your brain and body are out of sync,” Todd continues, apparently unbothered that I’m literally dying in his arms. “This is a panic attack. You can breathe. I can feel it.”

“No, I can’t.” My lungs are shriveling up; I can tell. 

“It’s a panic attack. You can breathe with me. Can you feel my chest moving?”

“Yeah.”

“I can feel yours. Let’s take some big breaths together.”

I try, but I’m shaking and also I’m probably dying and Seth will be alone and I’ll be alone and dead.

Todd places his hands on my back just below my ribs. “On this next breath I want to see if you can press against my hands. Can you do that?”

I nodded.

“Okay, try with me. Good. While we breath out, we’re going to count to seven. I’ll do it with you.”

I don’t know how long we stay like that, Todd wrapped around me, my fists clenched by my sides, before I realize I can get air into my lungs without trouble. Fucking embarrassing.

“Sorry, dude,” I say, pulling away. “It’s been a long day.” It’s been a long year.

Shrugging, Todd guides me to the couch. He repeats in that soft, soothing tone, “Keep taking even breaths,” as he sits me down. I feel strung out.

He gets me some water and puts one of Chrisette’s fuzzy throw blankets around my shoulders. I’m not cold, but the weight is nice. I wish I had one of those Temple Grandin cow-squeezing machines.

“Can you,” I start, but my voice is garbled. I try again. “Can you, like, put some pressure on me?”

“Absolutely,” Todd says, and sits so that he can pull my back against his chest and wrap his arms around me. He squeezes so that my arms are trapped, and like Seth in his sleep sack I find this immobility helpful. He pulls his feet onto the couch so that he can cage me in with his knees. “Like this?”

“Yeah. Just, um, hang on.”

I don’t actually know what I mean but I think Todd gets it since he nudges my head back onto his shoulder so he can press his cheek to my forehead, too. “I got you,” he says repeatedly. “I got you.”

I think I’m broken.

The next sound I register is the front door opening. My head is on a pillow, but it really feels like I took a nap on Todd. Like the pillow is on him.

“What the hell?” Chrisette giggles drunkenly.

Todd shushes her and pats my back, which I realize he’s been doing for a while. I am in his lap. “Babe had a really, really hard day,” he whispers. “He’s been asleep for about an hour.”

“Seriously?” Chrisette’s boozy breath brushes my cheek when she leans over the back of the couch. “Leave him there and come to bed.” She kisses Todd, and the wet smacking sound makes me want to scrub my ears.

“Ugh, go brush your teeth,” Todd replies.

Chrisette breathes on him exaggeratedly before stumbling down the hall. She’s a happy drunk, at least. While the water runs I feel Todd slide out from under me. He takes my shoes off, my belt, unbuttons my jeans and pulls a blanket over me. The tap shuts off in the bathroom.

“Todd, come on,” Chrisette whines from the hall.

I open my eyes to see Todd’s light-colored gaze directed at me. I am too fucking tired of everything to do more than blink at him. Please tell her no for once. Todd sighs and stands, briefly puts his hand on my head, and then walks down the hall.

I lie on the couch, listening to my wife fuck her boyfriend in our bed. At least the baby is quiet.

Later that week Todd pops his head in Seth’s room during our morning routine. “When you were working out, did you go to a gym or do it at home?”

Seth abbaabbaabbaa’s at Todd, clearly tired of this diaper change, and flails happily.

“Stay still, dude! There’s still poop on you!” I address my kid before answering Todd. “Uh, mostly at home. The weight rack was in the garage, but then you had stuff, so…”

Todd ignores the dig. “My gym has childcare from six to ten. Bring Seth and come before work. You’re up anyway.”

“I don’t have—” I start to protest, but Todd cuts me off.

“Hey man, if you only stay in this house and stress about everything then you’re gonna keep having panic attacks.” He raps the doorframe with his knuckles like the matter is settled. “I’ll put all of us on my membership, so just come. I’ll drive.”

Am I going to turn down free-ish childcare and the chance to leave my house? Yes I would, except the next morning Todd has packed the diaper bag and a gym bag for me by the time Seth is finished with breakfast. Three days a week we all go to the gym. Todd doesn’t try to talk to me unless it’s about house stuff.

A few weeks later Chrisette eyes me as I’m setting the table. “Arm day is working, Babe,” she says appreciatively.

I glance up at her in surprise. “Thanks.” She sounds like she used to, like when she would walk up and bite me for no reason. It was weird and I loved it and I didn’t realize I missed it.

“You seem less mopey, too,” she goes on. “The endorphins are doing their job.”

I up the gym visits to five times a week.

---

July

Even with the sun down it’s too hot to be outside, but that means everyone else is indoors. There are so many fucking people in my house right now. The sticky night air is heavy in my lungs, which turns each swallow of soda into syrup. If I drank alcohol, this would probably be a good night for a cold beer.

Laughter swells inside the house, which is good because it means no one is going to come looking for me. I smiled as much as I could already. Chrisette made a bunch of new friends since she and Todd got together—pissed Sasha off and blew up their friend group—and I don’t want to answer a single question or learn a name. Maybe I’m being a little bitch, but at least I’m not spoiling the party, right?

The swish and click of the sliding door announces an intruder. Who else would it be aside from Todd?

“There are a lot of people in your house right now,” he comments, handing me another cold soda can as he sits down beside me.

“I think I know four of them,” I reply, “and I’m including you and Chrisette.”

Todd chuckles. “You married the world’s biggest extrovert.”

“You’re telling me.”

For a moment we sit in comfortable silence. Someone is playing the piano. I can tell it’s not Chrisette; she plays way better than that.

Sweat makes its tickling way down the back of my neck as I finish off my lukewarm cola and press the frosty new one to my temple. Three, no, four fireflies signal each other in tall grass. Isn’t that supposed to be a sign that there’s clean water nearby? I need to mow tomorrow. Or maybe I’ll leave it for the fireflies.

Todd ruins everything by opening his mouth. “No offense, but why are you still here? I mean, if not just for Seth.”

If I look at him I’ll want to punch him, so I keep my eyes on the lawn. “Offense taken. I’m not going to be the one who calls it quits.”

He whistles. “You’re either an optimist or a masochist, dude.”

“I’m a realist. The longer I hang in there, the more likely you’ll get bored and move on.”

Todd says nothing. Did I hurt his feelings? Maybe because he brought me a cold drink I feel the need to justify myself.

“Be for real, man,” I explain. “This whole thing is not sustainable. Chrisette needs stability more than a fucking enabler.”

“Jesse.” Here Todd pauses for so long that I think he’s done. But nope. “She still wants to leave.”

Fuck. I knew it. I knew it in my head, but I kept hoping against goddam hope…”She didn’t tell me that,” I reply stubbornly.

Todd sighs heavily. “You know she wouldn’t. In her own way, I think she’s trying not to hurt you.”

“Then why are you telling me?” I keep counting fireflies. There might be seven out there. 

In my peripheral vision Todd shrugs. “You deserve to know if you’re going to be down a spouse.”

I don’t know why, but that makes me laugh. “Thanks, buddy. You’re a real pal.”

“Come on, Jesse,” Todd says quietly. “I’m trying to keep her here.”

On this sticky summer night with my home full of strangers, it’s easier just to believe him. For a while, at least, I’ll pretend that we’re two guys holding a family together as best we know how. 

 

---

August

The house is weirdly quiet when I get back from my Saturday morning run. “Morning,” I greet Chrisette, who’s fully dressed and leaning on the back of the couch. Where’s Seth?”

Chrisette doesn’t look up from her phone. “Todd has him. Something something play date.”

“The fuck?”

Now she lifts her eyes. “Somebody from the gym—Liam’s mom, maybe?—invited Seth to this thing for toddlers at the library. You were busy, so Todd went.”

I try to keep my voice casual. Neutral. “Why didn’t you go?”

Chrisette shrugs. “Todd wanted to. I don’t know any of your gym friends”

I drop my shoes by the front door. “And you couldn’t fucking ask me?” So much for neutral.

“Ugh. Jesse, quit acting like Todd is some stranger. You’re not the only one who gets to make decisions,” Chrisette’s voice rises, “about my son who I carrried to term in my fucking uterus and then pushed out of my vagina.”

“I didn’t say—”

“It’s what you meant, asshole! Oh my god, I am so sick of your self-righteousness!”

This has turned so fast that I get the hot-then-cold tingles that normally come with being caught doing something wrong. “Can we take a beat? I’m just saying that Todd is not a primary caregiver of our kid, so one of us should be there.”

Now Chrisette rolls her eyes. “Fine. God forbid I have a guilt-free day off.”

I’m about to take issue with that until I realize how bad I fucked this up. This was my chance to have alone time with my wife, and I made it about Todd. “Can I,” I propose, “apologize by taking you out for brunch? There’s a new mimosa special at Melt. I’ll drive.”

She sighs, clearly struggling to let go of the argument. “Thanks, baby, but I’m meeting some people.”

“Who?” I ask, then at Chrisette’s irritated look I check my tone. “Did any of them come to the party, I mean.”

“Lauren did, but I don’t think you met her.” Chrisette stands, gathering her thick dark hair into a ponytail. There’s something so sexy about that, and I kick myself again for starting a fight. “My ride is here.”

I turn to see a sedan with a bright rideshare logo on the dash pulling up to the curb. For some reason I’m feeling desperate to be useful. “Hey, if you want me to pick you up later, I can. I’m always happy to be your chauffeur, you know.”

Chrisette puts her phone away and kisses my cheek on her way past. “Don’t worry about it. See you later.”

For the first time in months I am alone in my house. What do I do with myself? Shower, but then…what? What’s appropriate for alone time that could end in less than an hour? I end up wasting all my time on my phone, but it’s nice to do nothing for a little bit.

It’s well after two o’clock when I start to get really worried. They should be back by now. Toddler-centered events never last very long, and even if Todd had literally just left when I got back, and even if there was some lunch thing involved, they should be back. Seth’s afternoon nap is gonna be ruined if he doesn’t—

“Ooo!”

I’m so startled that I drop my phone. It clatters to the floor accompanied by Seth’s high-pitched laughter and Todd’s deeper snickers.

“Godammit,” I grumble as I bend down to check the screen. Still intact.

“Ooo!” Seth shouts. “Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!”

I hold out my arms so he can fall into them. “Yep, you scared the bejeezus out of Daddy.”

Todd is grinning like he’s done nothing wrong. “We heard you in the kitchen and I think Seth actually tried to shush me. Little man has a sense of humor.”

“Big man should know better than to take my kid without telling me,” I reply in a tone that makes both Todd and my kid look at me warily.

“Big man volunteered and Mommy said it would be fine.” Todd’s tone tells me he knows I want to strangle him. “Come on, Jesse, have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?”

I glare at him.

“With Seth,” Todd amends.

The little man himself starts squirming to be put down. I lower him to the ground so I don’t have to look Todd in the eye when I grunt, “No.” 

My argument with Chrisette springs to mind immediately. “Sorry,” I say begrudgingly. “You are a trusted caregiver.”

Todd huffs amusedly. “So, there’s a face you make when you realize that you’re wrong in the middle of a sentence.”

“Huh?”

“No, it’s kinda…it makes me like you better.”

“Neat,” I respond drily.

“You’re forgiven for overlooking my Super Nanny powers.”

I watch Seth crawl over to the coffee table so I don’t have to meet Todd’s gaze. “Good.”

“And for thinking that I would ever presume to hijack your parenting just because you don’t like me.”

“Thanks so much.” Seth is drooling a lot. I need to make sure all the bibs get washed tonight.

“And I promise I’ll make sure you’re aware when I’m filling in for Chrissy. I shouldn’t have assumed you were in the know.”

I still keep my eyes on Seth. He’s so, so close to walking. “Much obliged.”

“Now help me make dinner.”

“What?” Only now do I notice that Todd had a few grocery bags with he walked in.

“We had lunch in the park and went grocery shopping on the way home. Help me make spaghetti.”

I can feel my eyebrows scrunching together. “Isn’t that, like, three ingredients?”

Todd sighs. “Peasant. I make it from scratch.” Then he immediately brightens up and digs his phone out of his pocket. “Also, let me drop you a bunch of stuff. I took so many photos; Seth did amazing at this thing. It was all musical instruments…”

Well, if he’s talking about my kid I guess it’s fine to hang out with Todd. He shows me a video of Seth banging on this teeny red piano—Seth looks so proud of himself! Little Mozart!—and hovers over my shoulder while he talks. By the time we’ve watched all the videos and gone over which kids and parents were there, the tension has left my shoulders. We drag the high chair to the bar so Seth can watch what we’re doing and have a snack, and then we cook together. Todd shows me a shortcut for forming meatballs with an ice cream scoop that I forgot we had. It’s fine for this to feel fine. 

Also it’s not weird if we have a, like, very domestic dinner that evening. We’ve been doing this with Chrisette for a while, and she’s just not here, is all. Even with stripping Seth down to his diaper, eating spaghetti means he needs a full bath. Seth likes to have all his people in sight, so it makes sense that Todd comes with us, perching on the toilet lid and handing back all the toys Seth throws out of the tub. It makes sense for Todd to be part of the bedtime routine. And of course then we’ll clean up the kitchen and dining room together.

I almost let it go without saying anything, but by the time we’re almost done with dishes we’ve spent almost five hours together. Just hanging out.

“You don’t have to feel any type of way about it,” Todd says with a shrug. “We’re all still figuring this out.” His tone is careful, like he’s ready for me to start hyperventilating again. 

Handing him the ladle to dry, I reply, “No, I don’t mean that it’s bad. I wish it was Chrisette and not you, but…whatever.”

“Rude,” Todd chuckles, “but I get what you mean. Neutral has been hard to find.”

“Neutral! Dude, that’s exactly what I’ve been missing!” I exclaim. “Everything has been tense, and bad, and frustrating, and scary, for so long that the only way I know that time is passing is that Seth keeps transforming in front of my eyes. Every new tooth is like, ‘it’s a new day! Keep going, motherfucker!’”

Todd huffs kinda sadly. “I hear you.”

I pause my scrubbing to give him a judgemental look. “Do you, man?”

He shrugs, leaning past me to put the ladle away. “Jesse, this is hard for me, too. Definitely not like it is for you, but it’s taxing.”

“Nobody’s having fun here, huh?” I laugh morosely.

“I can help you more,” Todd offers. “I’m trying to help.”

His money helps, his cooking helps, he’s changed as many diapers as Chrisette has, he also did all those home projects I guess, but, “Bro, you just said it’s hard for you.”

Todd flips the dish towel over his shoulder and leans against the counter. “Of course it is. I’m in too deep.”

Against my better judgment I ask, “What does that mean?”

“I have thought about leaving, but…” Todd shrugs. “I legit thought postpartum might kill Chrissy back then, and though she’s better now it was fucking scary for a few months. It’s still scary sometimes—you’ve seen it. So I worry about how she would react. I worry about Seth. I worry about the burden it would put on you if she had a relapse. It’s all too tangled up.”

Now I have a bunch of questions that all have depressing answers. I hand Todd the spaghetti pot I finished washing. “You make it sound like we’re forming a rat king.”

That makes him laugh. “In a sense. Even my therapist thinks this whole situation is royally fucked.”

“You go to therapy, bro?”

“Yeah, bro. Although I think she might fire me as a patient.”

“Wait,” I turn all the way around, incredulous. “Why? Can she do that?”

Todd gestures around with the pot. “I don’t know—because of the rat king? Imagine if Scotty or Joe were to be like, ‘Help me, Jesse. I’m in a weird, codependent throuple and one of them actively hates me!’ Nobody has those tools.”

“I don’t…hate…you.” The words seem to stick in my throat.

Now Todd fully guffaws. “Oh my god, your lil’ face! That was so hard for you to say!”

Reluctantly I smile. “I mostly mean it.”

Todd laughs harder, and then I can actually mean it because he’s always the guy who has everything under control. Oh look at me, I’m Todd. I’m so cool and collected and handsome and nothing ever gets to me. But now he’s in my kitchen, holding a big old stock pot, having a giggle fit because I tried—not even that hard—to be nice to him.

September

I wipe my face with my shirt and throw it over the mower handle. I should have gotten one of those self-propelled ones, but I was trying to save a buck. This one was a neighborhood estate sale find that I towed home with a bungee around my waist while I pushed Seth’s stroller ahead of me.

Chrisette catches my eye by waving from the patio. Seth is on her hip, waving too. I shut the mower off.

“We’re heading out,” she calls. She’s smiling, but she still looks nervous. This is supposed to be the big fence-mending with her folks; the first time they’ll see Seth since the whole Todd thing. They specifically requested that I not be there.

“You’re smart, beautiful, and charming!” I shout back as encouragement. “You got this, baby.”

She has Seth blow me a kiss—he’s almost got it down—and I get back to my task. Now I can turn my music all the way up in my headphones and drown out every thought in my brain. 

If I could just delete the other man from the picture, this feels normal. Mowing on a Sunday, picking up sticks and tossing them into a pile as I go, wondering if I could manage a couple of raised beds to grow herbs and shit in. And then I remember that the reason I think we’d even use homegrown herbs is because Todd would use them, and it starts feeling weird again.

It should feel weird, though. To paraphrase the liturgy of my childhood, it is right and good that I not get used to being a third wheel in my marriage. It has been better lately, mostly because Chrisette’s new meds really crush her sex drive. Even Todd isn’t getting any, as far as I know. We’ll see what happens when her system gets used to them.

Smelling of grass and my own armpits, I finish mowing and head to the shower. I don’t acknowledge Todd when I pass behind him; he got the same order to stay away from the reunion.  He’s playing video games on the couch and wearing his headphones, so he probably doesn’t even notice me come inside.

Maybe that’s why I leave the bathroom door wide open. Five days in the gym per week have been pretty good to me, even if I’m not trying to bulk up. It’s not as hard to look at myself in the mirror, is what I mean. It’s bad for the pipes if I wash everything down the drain, so I’m picking grass out of my beard when I see movement in my peripheral vision.

Todd is leaning against the doorframe, watching me. His eyes have the intensity of a hawk watching a mouse. It’s only then that I realize he’s been looking at me like that a lot lately. 

“What?” I ask, and even my voice sounds like I want something from him.

He stalks towards me, undoing his belt. My head is hot. I could do this; why not? Chrisette doesn’t want me and I’m tired of masturbating. My body remembers how Todd feels. I’m half hard already. We could fuck if I wanted it. Nobody else would know.

He’s right in front of me now. Todd tugs his shirt over his head and throws it in the corner. He’s looking at me like he’s going like I’m dinner and he hasn’t eaten in days. My heart pounds heavily, thudding and pounding in my head, my gut, my cock. Todd dips two fingers into the waistband of my shorts and yanks me forward.

I say the only thing that comes to mind. 

“What does ‘no’ mean, Todd?” I ask.

He stops and cocks his head. “You were giving—”

Blood is rushing to and away from my head so fast I have to steady myself against the sink. I try to sound chill. “What does it mean to you?”

Todd’s adam’s apple bobs. “No means no.”

Hoping he can’t tell that I’m breathing a little harder than normal, I say clearly, “Pay close attention to my lips. No.”

Todd’s mouth opens and closes like a dying fish. Then he buckles his belt and walks silently out of the bathroom. When I jack off in the shower, it’s to the feeling of victory. 

 

October

“Fresh new kicks! And pants, you got it like that so you know you wanna dance,” I rap, bouncing Seth in my arms. “So move, out of your seat, and get a fly girl and catch this beat—”

A snort makes me whirl around, which Seth loves.

“Don’t let me stop you,” Todd laughs from the hallway. “You were killing it.”

“Shut up,” I reply automatically, but I’m in too good a mood for him to ruin it. MC Hammer and I are keeping my son happy amidst the woes of an ear infection. Seth beats my chest and throws his head back trustingly. I catch him as he plunges toward the floor, and Seth shrieks.

“Moh,” he demands, squirming happily. “Moh, moh, moh.”

“Your choice of music is…not The Wiggles,” Todd comments as he watches me catch Seth again.

“I know what my kid likes,” I retort.

He grins. “Next you should teach him ‘Splash Waterfalls.’”

“Nah, bro. ‘WAP,’ because Seth is a feminist.”

“Oh for sure.”

“Heh. Why are you home?” I catch my thrill-seeking kid again.

“A site visit got canceled, so I don’t have to be back at the office until three. I came to see if Seth wanted to go out for lunch. You’re allowed to come if you want.”

My first reaction is to make a billion legit excuses. Not without Chrisette. Seth is still mostly on baby food; we’d have to pack so much. A restaurant high chair situation is unpredictable. A lot of men’s restrooms still don’t have changing tables. What if Seth is fussy and we bother everyone else. While I’m still picking which excuse to give, Todd jumps in.

“Listen, I’ll be here as backup. The diaper bag is already packed, Chrissy wouldn’t care, and if things get too messy we’ll pack things up to go.”

My brain starts forming even more potential chaos, but Todd throws a stuffed animal at me.

“Come on. If I take Seth alone you’ll have me arrested for kidnapping. I want sushi.”

“Sushi does sound good,” I admit.

Todd claps me on the shoulder like a buddy. “Boys’ trip to Fuji Kaitenzushi!”

It occurs to me once we’re there that this might be a trap. Here, surrounded by other people, trying to handle feeding ourselves and a baby, we seem normal. Like we get along. I don’t know if we look like a family, but it kinda feels like when my parents were still together and they would take me to get a burger if I had a good report card. That little hour when they seemed to like each other because they were proud of me.

Seth mushes rice into his mouth, babbling loudly at anyone passing by.

“He starts so strong,” Todd laughs. “He says ‘Oh! Hi!’ like real words are coming after, and then it’s gobbledygook.”

I agree. “But he’s gotta talk to everybody. I thought babies this age were supposed to have stranger danger.” Honestly, this could not have gone better. Seth has been having the time of his life with the chopstick wrappers, I’m having sushi for the first time in years, and Todd is being extremely neutral. Sure, his foot is touching my foot, but maybe he thought it was a table leg.

Our server, who’s really just there to bring drinks and count plates, keeps coming back to say hi to Seth. He’s fascinated by her, so it gives her a good excuse. At one point she goes, “You’re gonna be so much trouble for your dads, aren’t you!” and Todd looks so fucking pleased that I don’t correct her. I even have the server take a picture of us to send to Chrisette. She texts back My handsome boys! with a heart eyes emoji.

It isn’t until we’re almost home that Todd goes, “Thanks for coming with me. It’s my mom’s—my last foster mom—her birthday, and I didn’t feel like being alone all day.”

“Oh, uh, sure man. Anytime,” I say awkwardly. 

I guess last year he would have been with Sasha, and with Chrisette constantly working late maybe I was the only available option. I’m pretty sure Todd has friends. Or maybe he didn’t recover from when he and Chrisette imploded their friend group after Sasha caught them together.

“Do you, like, do anything special to remember her?” I ask because ‘I miss my dead mom’ is kinda heavy to end on. 

“Sort of. I try to live like her. Her main thing was making sure we felt stable and loved, so…” he trails off as we get out of his truck.

“Ah, so Seth’s first real restaurant experience, shit like that?”

“Yeah, shit like that.”

Seth fell asleep in his car seat, and I’m about to pick him up when I allow myself to think a little bit about what Todd was saying. “Do you want to take him inside?”

Todd is clearly surprised. “Take Seth? Yeah, of course.” He hustles over and gently unbuckles the car seat. Seth barely stirs when he’s picked up, just nestles into Todd’s arms like a little angel. I follow them inside with all the baby gear, dumping it on the dining table before a detour to the bathroom. Todd does know how to put Seth down for a nap. I don’t need to hover.

I don’t have to work, but I grab my tablet anyway and plop down on the couch. Todd does his own thing for a while, at least until he comes out to bother me while he puts his shoes on.

“Some time ago you told me why you stay, but…what if you took Seth with you?” are literally the first words he says since we walked inside.

I twist on the couch to look at him. He’s in his I-have-a-meeting clothes, which gives me funny feelings after that one time in the shower. Kinda takes the sting out of my are you stupid glare. “It’s my house.”

“You have equity,” he points out. “Sell it or rent it out.”

“Tell me how I’m supposed to leave my wife.” That’s not exactly what I mean. What I mean is for him to tell me how to leave Chrisette. Live wire Chrisette, intoxicating Chrisette, the first woman who really saw value in me, who invested in me as a human being, who married me, who bore my child. How do I turn my back on her? When she needs me the most, how do I walk away?

And when she’s gone, and Todd with her, like,…those early weeks of solo parenting were some of the hardest of my life. I can admit that I’m scared of doing that again.

Todd, however, shakes his head. “Be honest, Jesse. If you want monogamy, Chrisette has made it pretty clear that she’s never going to be that person.”

“Was she cheating on me the whole time?” I ask before I can stop myself.

“Do you mean like, did Chrissy have another boyfriend, or did she just hook up with a random guy once in a blue moon?” Todd clarifies, though that tells me everything I didn’t want to know.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting monogamy,” I mutter bitterly.

“No, but if that’s so important to you then why not look for someone who feels the same way?”

I thought I had. “So if I’m gone you and Chrisette can fuck everyone you want, together. That’s real precious.”

Maybe because he’s determined to keep the good mood of sushi lunch going, Todd doesn’t match my anger. “For one, being polyamorous is not the same as pansexual. It’s how you prefer being in relationships versus whom you’re attracted to.”

“Bullshit.”

“Are you thinking about us?” He says it so casually that I flush. “I’ll admit that early on, I was most interested in knocking you off your high horse.”

“Ha.” 

He did, that’s for damn sure. More importantly, I don’t like hearing “us” come out of his mouth.

Todd sighs as he stands. “You know, I got held back in school. Twice.”

What does that have to do with anything?

He goes on. “The first time was kindergarten, which is not uncommon, but the second time I was in junior high.”

“What happened?” I ask in spite of myself.

“New foster family that wasn’t working out—some of them don’t give a shit as long as they get their stipend from the state.” Todd shrugs. “I got suspended for skipping, I stopped trying, I dunno. I think I’d been in survival mode with no coping mechanisms and it all just caught up to me. The only reason I even graduated high school is because of my mom.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I see you drowning, man. I want to help, but you’re determined to stay underwater.”

I can’t believe my ears. This motherfucker—

“That came out wrong,” Todd apologizes, giving me the old calm down hands. “What I meant is that I am trying really hard to change the way you and I relate to each other, and I wish you would let me.”

Whatever my face is telling him, Todd laughs a little. “We can at least be on the same team. Team Seth and Chrisette.”

“Okay,” I agree grouchily.

He shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Jesus. You might be the most stubborn man I’ve ever met.”

 “Oh, I’m stubborn? Me?” I gesture so wildly with my stylus that I nearly poke my eye out. “Todd, why are you here? You could have literally anyone you wanted, but you’re fucking with my marriage.”

He gives me a smarmy little grin. “Anyone I wanted, huh?”

“No, dude,” I groan. “I didn’t mean it like that, obviously. I’m saying that you’re calculating enough to, like, weasel your way into whatever relationship you want.”

“Maybe this is exactly what I want.”

“Bullshit.”

“Almost,” he says, looking sideways at me.

 Even across the room he feels too close. I lean away.

Todd smiles. “You couldn’t tell?” His tone is soft, warm, gentle. It gives me goosebumps.

“What are you talking about, dude?” I ask nervously. “You’re being fucking weird.”

Rolling his eyes, Todd walks out of the room, calling, “Sure, Jesse,” over his shoulder. 

October

It’s well after midnight when I hear the front door open. Before I have the chance to roll over and check, Todd grumbles from the far side of the bed.

“The fuck is that?”

I sigh. “I’ll go look.”

There has to be a word for the feeling of being completely shocked and immediately unsurprised. Of course it would be Chrisette with a strange man. Some college-aged dummy who is as drunk as my wife, struggles to unzip his pants while Chrisette tosses her shirt across the room. She sees me, giggles, waves a condom packet around, and goes back to removing her clothes. I head back to bed.

“Is it Chrissy?” Todd mumbles tiredly when I climb back in.

“And some guy. Looks like a frat boy,” I reply.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.”

I let out a sigh. “Nope. This is what it’s like.”

“Sorry, man. Sorry.”

At that moment, at least, I completely believe him.

---

November

“I want Todd there.”

My response is immediate. “Absolutely not.” On the first date night we’ll have since Seth was born?

“I need him,” Chrisette insists, yanking the fitted sheet over a corner of the mattress. “Just for when we get home. With you, I’ve had trouble letting go of all this heaviness and negativity, and that is preventing me from achieving orgasm.”

Oh, come on. “How is Todd going to solve that problem?” I ask sarcastically, tossing her one side of the flat sheet. “Hypnosis?”

“He has naturally positive energy—”

I point at his side of the bed. “The Todd that I know? He does not.”

“And,” Chrisette finishes, “there hasn’t been a time when we’ve had sex and I didn’t come at least once. So even if he’s just there to give encouragement, that’ll be enough.”

I put my hands up. “Hang on. Were you faking it with me? Am I total shit in bed?”

She folds her arms. “Don’t make this about you, Jesse.”

“I’m half the equation here! Just tell me, please.”

“No, you’re not shit, it’s just…”

“Do I need to munch more on that sweet puss?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows to disguise how soul-crushing this conversation suddenly got. Thankfully, Chrisette laughs. 

“That’s never not what I’m saying,” she chuckles, “but it’s seriously a mental block. It’s not your fault, baby, but when we’re together the weight of our responsibilities really hampers my sex drive. And I want to be able to enjoy you.”

On the one hand, I’m confused about how bringing in Todd will help with that libido-sucking mental load she’s carrying. On the other hand, she called me baby and is offering me sex.

I frown, but agree. “For you, one time, and never again.”

Chrisette winds her arms around my waist. “My good little Grumpy Dimple Boy,” she sings, and kisses me. “And shave the beard. This is going to be really good for us. I promise.”

I’m too chickenshit to ask what she’s hoping it’ll do for me in particular. Or to ask Todd how he’s handling the whole thing. In fact, I manage to extra avoid him right until date night.

“Seth is getting a bath tonight,” Todd says as he walks in the living room. “I think he has broccoli in his hair.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.”

I don’t know why I’m so nervous to go out with the woman I married. Maybe because I can see my chin for the first time in a year and it’s weird.

“Is this tie-shirt combo okay?” I ask Todd worriedly. I’ve never been to the ballet before, but Chrisette wants to see it. There are a lot of opinions online about what to wear to the ballet, and none of it was helpful.

“It’s good. You look…” He scans me up and down and then gives me a pointed smile. “…edible.”

I flip him off. Todd snaps his teeth, which for some reason makes me laugh.

“You’re fuckin’ stupid sometimes,” I say.

“Sometimes you’re the best of us, Jesse.”

Just as I’m about to tell him to fuck off I realize that he’s being sincere. “Wait, what?”

Chrisette walks out of the hall at that moment and I have to catch my breath. If that dress were cut any lower I’d be able to see her belly button. It clings to every single curve on her body, the modest black doing nothing to hide the roundness of her breasts. Her hair is in some simple updo that shows off her graceful neck, her full lips are red, and her dark eyes are soft and welcoming. “Hot damn,” I exhale, and she grins at me.

“You like?” she asks playfully, turning around so I can see the sparkly zipper that goes all the way down the back of her dress.

“I don’t know if I can make it through dinner,” I reply, and Chrisette laughs.

It’s like old times. The good times, when we had things to talk about that weren’t us, and funny stories that we’d saved until we could tell them to each other in person. When I would look at her and be so fucking grateful that she chose to spend even a second of her day with me.

We’re almost finished with dinner when a line of servers approaches our table with melodicas and tambourines. “What the hell?” I say under my breath to Chrisette. She bites her lip, trying and failing to hold back a mischievous grin. She’s pointing her phone at me…oh no.

“Happy birthday!” shouts our waitress, producing a plate full of Italian cream cake. The rest of the servers burst into song, the restaurant’s version of “Happy Birthday To You.” There’s a paper crown involved.

“What have you done?” I mouth at my wife, who is outright giggling at this point. My face is so hot you could fry a fucking egg on it.

The servers wrap up with a big hooray, and the entire fucking restaurant starts applauding. I’m going to have to leave a bigger tip than I planned.

“I wanted free cake,” Chrisette says with a shrug, dragging the plate towards her.

I knock her fork away with mine. “This cake is the product of my humiliation.” It tastes damn good, though.

“I told them they weren’t going to see your ID because you don’t drink. I made this happen,” she argues, and nabs a bite while I’m preoccupied with the heaven in my mouth.  

“We could have just ordered dessert.”

Chrisette shrugs cutely. “But…free cake.”

There’s a little whipped cream on her lip when I kiss her. “You’re fucking adorable,” I growl at her.

“So you’ve said,” she says with a grin.

We go to the ballet after. Maybe it’s the glass of wine she had with dinner, maybe it’s the tight pants on all the dude dancers, but Chrisette is handsy with me the whole time. She strokes my thigh, plays with my hand, runs her fingers over the back of my neck…I will go to the ballet every day with her if this is how she’s gonna behave.

She’s even bolder during the car ride home, tracing my cock through my pants until I have to beg her to let me concentrate. When I pull up to the house my erection starts to go down a little. I can’t believe I forgot that the exciting part about this whole night for Chrisette might be this threesome of her design.

Her fucking boyfriend is hanging out in the living room like he’s chaperoning us naughty kids. Todd smiles at Chrisette as we walk in. “How was it?”

“Hot,” she says, and kisses him. It stops me in my tracks. They’ve been so careful not to be all lovey dovey in front of me, except for that one time when they thought I was asleep after I had that panic attack. Or maybe he was careful and Chrisette went along with it? Because Todd seems a little uncomfortable for half a second.

Or maybe I’m just seeing what I want to see. I agreed to this. I agreed to all of it, I remind myself as Chrisette gets out a set of shot glasses and pulls the good vodka from the freezer. Holy shit, this is really happening. I join her in the kitchen and Todd leans on the bar, asking about dinner. Fuck fuck fuck. Chrisette describes the ballet in detail. I only remember her hands. My system is so overwhelmed that I don’t know if I’m excited or terrified.

Todd glances at me before asking, “What do you want, Chrissy?”

Chrisette hands him a shot glass. “Play nice,” she instructs us.

Todd raises his shot to her and downs it. “You sure you don’t want one of these, Babe? You look a little anxious.”

I say nothing. Of course I’m anxious. This is more nerve wracking than my wedding day. And I ended up getting fucked then, anyway.

Chrisette smacks her lips together and pours another drink. “One for my little piglet,” she declares, holding the glass to me. “We’ll take care of you.”

Todd puts his hand over the shot. “I was kidding; don’t give me those cow eyes,” he teases me.

I give him a look that I hope says Help get me out of this, but either he doesn’t understand or he doesn’t care. Should I take the shot? No, I’m already worried about my performance. Has it really been a year since Chrisette and I had sex? Maybe even longer, since she wasn’t even up for it during that last month or so of pregnancy. The last thing I want to do is be compared to Todd in the sack and come in second place.

Chrisette’s soft lips on mine bring me back to the present. “You’re so tense, baby. Can you focus on me for a bit?”

“Always,” I say with a smile, because after all that teasing I still really, really want to fuck.

Chrisette slings back another shot, shuddering cutely at the burn. “Will you trust me?”

“Mm hm.” I glance at Todd, but he’s pouring yet another round. Anyway, with Chrissy’s soft breasts against me, I’m already getting more on board with whatever’s going on.

“Can you follow instructions, Babe?” she presses. “Are you going to try something new?”

I feel my eyes get really wide. “Uh…” Is she about to ask me to get fucked? I’m not an actor; if she really wants to see me and Todd together I don’t know how to pretend like it’s the first time.

Todd cuts in. “Be gentle, Chrissy.” He leans across the bar to touch my arm lightly. “Don’t worry, man. Team Chrisette.”

Team Chrisette. Right.

I let her lead me into the bedroom, a big part of me wanting to run screaming through the walls and the other part is like, Hooray, I’m gonna get my dick wet! Chrisette pushes me to sit on the bed, then whispers in Todd’s ear. He laughs and points her to the bathroom.

“What’s happening?”

Todd gestures toward the hallway. “Just a quick freshen up if she wants, you know, ass play.”

My eyes go wide. “She wants it?”

“When I asked what she wanted out of a threesome, it came up,” he says casually.

I can’t remember the last time I asked Chrisette what she liked in bed. She mostly just told me if I was doing something wrong, so I figured that was enough. Would things be different now if I had asked more? But also…

“Wait, you never told me to—” I shut my yap before I can finish my sentence, but Todd’s self-satisfied smile tells me he figured it out.

“You were pretty fresh out of the shower that time, right?” He cocks his head in a way that should be more off-putting. “You can join Chrissy if you want. We can make this real fun.”

“Shut up, Todd,” I say, but I don’t really mean it.

Chrisette sails back into the room in her robe, clearly a little tipsy, and drapes her arms around us both.

“I turned the noise machine up in Seth’s room. You ready for me?” she asks.

Todd says yes and I make some noncommittal noise. I’m freaking out again. There are so many possible ways we could have worked up to this. So many more questions I should have asked. It’s not like I haven’t seen this in porn, but the stuff I’ve watched is usually a woman getting spit roasted and the most that the guys do is, like, high five or something. I’m out of my depth. Again.

“I think Babe is short-circuiting,” Todd whispers loud enough that I’m obviously supposed to hear him.

I don’t glare at him because this is supposed to be a sexy time for everybody.

Bending to my level, Chrisette kisses me hard. “Undress me.”

Although I want to make short work of the robe, I peel it off slowly, placing kisses on Chrisette’s smooth skin. If she wants to be worshipped, feel like a woman, then I’ll do it.

“Holy shit.” The lingerie she was hiding under that dress…it’s sheer and black and lacy and crotchless…if I had known…

Chrisette giggles at me gaping at her. “Scoot back,” she says, and follows me farther onto the bed. She settles over my face, spreading her pussy lips. “Ooh, that’s it, baby,” she coos as I lick her. “Good little piglet.”

I can’t tell what Todd is doing, but I hear him ask where she wants him.

Chrisette pets my head.

“Jesse, Todd’s going to touch you some, okay? Nod yes.”

I do. God, my heart is beating so fast.

 “Todd, help Jesse take his clothes off.”

I wrap my arms around my wife’s thighs to hold her in place, determined to feast on her pussy and ignore Todd as much as possible. If tonight involves a cunnilingus contest, I’m not losing. But Todd’s straddling my legs, undoing my belt. Todd is pulling my slacks off, patting my hip so that I lift enough for him to get them over my ass. He removes my tie; I can hear him kissing Chrisette somewhere that makes her giggle. Todd is unbuttoning my shirt, running his hands over my chest, tweaking a nipple so that Christte squeaks when I almost bite her.

Chrisette rocks on my tongue, murmuring yes yes yes as I attack her pussy with a fury, determined that when she comes it’ll be my doing. I hear her say Todd’s name, and then his weight settles on me.

He didn’t have to lie on top of me to eat her ass. Unforced error. I wish my dick stayed soft. Actually, I can decide right now that the reason I’m hard is because my hot wife is sitting on my face. It has nothing to do with the man who’s pressing his cock against my stomach as he licks her hole, her taint, sometimes getting my chin and neck between his teeth.

Just as Chrisette’s thighs starts that telltale quiver she stops us. She directs Todd to lie on his back. Okay, so I lost making her come first. I’m still wearing my shirt and jacket, so I guess I’ll just shed that and sit over—

“Hold him for me,” Chrisette says, pulling me in for a kiss. Tasting herself on me. “Put Todd inside me. Can you do that for me?”

“Yeah, baby.” Don’t look too eager, I tell myself as I reach for Todd’s cock. He isn’t fully hard, but he’s close. So it only makes sense that I pump him a few times while Chrisette mounts him. It’s for her.

“Oh, shit that’s good,” she sighs as she sinks onto him. I could say yeah I know, but that would be insane. I’m going insane. 

Chrisette pulls me to her, holding me by the hair to kiss me as Todd bucks into her. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten to touch her like this; since I’ve allowed myself to touch anyone, that her body feels brand new to me. She lets me kiss her lower, savoring her milky tits, her soft belly, and like—I know she’s pushing my boundaries when she guides my head down to where she and Todd are connected. We didn’t talk about what exactly I’d be okay with. I could pretend like it was scary.

“Look how big he is in my cunt, Jesse,” Chrisette says breathlessly, bouncing on Todd’s cock. “Taste it.”

So I stick out my tongue. Combined, they’re salty, tangy, and a little bitter. Chrisette rubs her clit against my nose as I slurp her juices.

“Do you want me to keep him hard, Chrissy?” Todd asks, slowing down.

“Yeah, you want to?” she replies, sounding a little surprised.

He bunches a pillow behind his head and grins that cocky grin that usually makes my blood boil. “Get yours, baby. I’ll keep him warm for you.”

I sit all the way up, but Chrisette is so aroused that I swallow whatever protest I had. She brushes her thumb over my cheek. “Let him, Jesse. Stop thinking so much.”

“That’s a big ask,” I grumble, making her giggle, but I obey the first part. Todd beckons me towards his head, and I kneel to watch him, in front of my wife and God and everybody, put his mouth on my hard dick.

“Whoa,” Chrisette says, and Todd pulls off to lick his lips at her.

“You didn’t want to do it,” he teases. “Ride my dick until you come. Jesse, help her.”

I try, I really do, but Todd’s mouth is a fucking vacuum. I keep my hands busy on Chrisette, gently flicking her nipples as she grinds on the cock beneath her. Todd wraps his arm around my thigh; he grabs my ass to hold me in place. Fuck, don’t think about it. She’s so beautiful. I can focus on that, how Chrisette tosses her head when she hits a good angle, instead of Todd’s tongue digging into my cockslit.

It feels like moments until my wife’s voice rises dangerously.

“Close, baby?” I manage to ask, and she nods desperately.

Todd grabs my hand and spits on my fingers, and I use his saliva to rub Chrissette’s clit so fast that my arm burns. She comes, screaming through clenched teeth, her juices slicking my hand, her knees clamping together as her pelvis bucks.

“Oh shit, oh fuck,” Chrisette gasps, falling off of Todd. “Holy fuck.”

He rolls with her and within a few powerful thrusts, finishes inside her.

Inside me are two wolves. One wolf is mad that he just watched another guy shoot inside his wife. The other wolf is horny as hell. Didn’t Chrisette tell me to quit thinking so much? 

I push Todd out of the way to flip Chrisette onto her stomach and slide into her wet core.

“Jesus Christ, Babe,” Todd kinda laughs, but this is something that I know without him telling me. Chrisette can come a couple times in a row as long as I don’t let up. I reach around to her clit, meeting her fingers there.

Chrisette buries her face in the pillows as I set a relentless pace. She’s so hot, so slick, and I swear it doesn’t matter that some of Todd’s cum squelches around the base of my cock. I have to fucking come. 

Todd curls his fingers into my hair and pulls my head back. Everybody’s grabbing my hair tonight. “I’m gonna fucking shave myself bald, swear to fucking god,” I say right before his mouth is on mine, and this is fine because Chrisette can’t see it, and maybe she can’t even hear it because she’s screaming, finally screaming my name.

“Come on, Jesse,” he whispers in my ear. His voice slithers into my brain. “Fuck her like you mean it. I know you can.” He presses his groin, still sticky with his and Chrisette’s fluids, against my ass.

“Fuck off,” I say automatically, but my hips seem to be on overdrive. 

Todd holds me by the throat, sucking my tongue, biting my jaw, licking my neck. I feel it in waves that crash through my body—they travel from Todd’s mouth to my cock to my toes and back again. His other hand releases my hair to scratch from my shoulders to my buttocks and back again, leaving trails of fire on my skin. I feel conductive, like Chrisette can feel his touch through me.

“Fuck yes,” I hear myself say when Todd reaches under me to feel my balls as they slap against Chrisette pussy. I’m not disappointed that he stops there. I’m not. 

“Todd.” Chrisette twists back to see us and I shove Todd away. She reaches back for him, pleading, “Come here, come here,” and Todd lets her pull him down to lie beside her. He encourages her to turn over. I watch their tongues entwine; he keeps his eyes on me as I slide back into her.

“You like that?” Todd asks my wife, brushing his fingers over her hard nipples, down to her pussy—I jerk when his fingertips graze my shaft in the process—back up again. “You like having Jesse slipping through my cum?”

“Fuck,” Chrisette moans, clenching around me.

I shouldn’t like this as much as I do.

He’s focused on her, but he’s touching me, too. I want him to leave. I need him to stay so I can fucking finish. Todd scoots to kind of cradle her head while she holds onto his dick. “What do you want, Chrissy?” he murmurs, and I slow down to hear.

“I want to come while you kiss me,” she whispers, and I almost lose my erection thinking about when she used to look at me like that.

“Do you want me inside you?” Todd asks just as quietly. I want to punch him in the back of the neck.

But Chrisette shakes her head no. “I want you to kiss me while Jesse fucks me.”

Todd smiles at her. “Then tell him. Tell him to fuck you.”

Chrisette giggles a little and shakes her head again.

“Do it,” Todd encourages my wife as he runs his free hand over her breasts. “Say, ‘Fuck me, Jesse.’”

They both look at me as if they could have forgotten that my cock has been moving inside Chrisette this whole time. 

“Fuck me,” Chrisette says.

“Say his name.” Todd stares straight at my face. “Look at him. Tell him what you need.”

“Fuck me, Jesse,” she says.

What the hell have I been doing here with my dick in you? I want to ask. But I say, “Anything for you, baby,” and go right back to my original pace. 

“Harder,” Todd instructs. He’s already boning up again.

Now Chrisette hooks her heels behind my thighs and pulls me down until I can kiss her, too. I’m getting there, but it’s not as easy with Todd there. Now it feels performative, forced, like Chrisette is determined that this is gonna work and we’re all gonna jizz buckets, so we’re just trying to get that done for her. But I keep my thumb on her clit, pistoning my hips so hard our bodies slap together. It’s been a year, but I can do this. I can still make her come. The lingerie gives me something to hold onto, and I use it as an anchor to hold my wife in place so I can fuck her.

Todd is licking and sucking Chrisette’s breasts, belly, thighs; does she notice when turns his head and bites me? Fucking smug grin on his face when I grunt. We keep making eye contact, so when he says, “Come on, baby,” I’m not sure who he’s talking to. 

I’m out of my mind, fucking Chrisette deep in long strokes that rock the bed. Her hands are fisted into the sheets. Todd pulls her up to look at my cock pistoning in and out of her, murmuring in her ear about how much she’s gonna come.

“Yes, baby please!” Chrisette cries, so to make sure this cum is a big one I press my palm into her pelvis. Her whole body stiffens as she throws her head back, keening “Yes yes yes yes!” I didn’t think I was that close, but Todd slips his hand around to my ass and dammit, he’s doing too much, his fingers are everywhere, fuck, I’m coming, shooting deep into Chrisette’s fluttering vagina.

I groan, collapsing for a moment onto my wife and she lets me hold her. I brush the hair that came undone away from her forehead. “You’re so sexy,” I tell her, and she smiles at me before looking at Todd.

He’s stretched out beside us, keeping his hands to himself for once, even if he is hard as fuck.

“You didn’t come,” Chrisette says to Todd.

“It’ll go down,” I comment.

“Enjoy your afterglow,” Todd replies, kissing her cheek. Chrisette hangs onto him and I stay where I am, waiting for her to tell us how this next part is supposed to go.

“Sit up there; I’ll finish you,” she tells him, wriggling out from under me.

I should be grateful that she doesn’t make me join her, but I’m instantly jealous. Better to take myself out of the equation than be grumpy—oh, and the sober one. Almost forgot. 

“I’ll, uh, go shower,” I say awkwardly, but Chrisette pulls me back.

“Stay here,” she commands. “Sit right here and watch.”

Fine. This is, after all, Chrisette’s Ultimate Fantasy Night or whatever. I wouldn’t have guessed that it ended with her giving Todd a blowjob while I hang out in the vicinity, but I’m not in her head. What the fuck do I know about anything, anymore?

Todd leans back and lets Chrisette crawl between his legs. His right hand strokes my thigh as she bobs on him, her black hair brushing his groin. 

Chrisette could make anything look sexy; Todd’s cock is huge in her mouth, stretching her still-pink lips into a plump O.

“Fuck,” he repeats quietly. “Fuck.” The only time I ever heard him sound that soft was—oh no, don’t start thinking about it—my wedding night.

Todd’s abdomen works violently and his arm suddenly wraps around my neck to pull me close. I grip the sheets more tightly, wishing I could look away. My wifes bobs harder on his cock, slurping noisily.

Since Todd won’t warn her, I do. “He’s about to come,” I tell Chrisette. She removes her mouth from his cockhead with a loud pop, jerking his shaft vigorously. I think she’s trying to watch his face, but it’s buried in my neck. Instead Chrisette and I hold eye contact while Todd groans in release. The sound crawls down my spine.

“Holy…shit,” he moans into my collarbone.  His chest heaves as he comes down. The pale specks on his stomach ripple as he breaths. Focus somewhere else.

Chrisette is looking at me weird, so I pull her up between us.

“Do you want more?” I ask, because I could probably go again and I’m feeling competitive that Todd came last.

“No, I need to pee and then pump,” she says, but she doesn’t move.

“Did you have fun?” Todd follows up.

She snuggles into him. “Mm hm.”

“Good.” He kisses the top of her head; flicks his eyes up at me—I don’t know what he’s thinking.

I stroke Chrisette’s arm. “Then we all need to clean up, baby. I’ll change the sheets before you’re done pumping, okay?”

“Fine,” she yawns, clambering shakily off the bed. “If I’m not back before you’re done, just leave room on the side, okay?”

That would put Todd in the middle. Is Chrisette mad at me?

 

Seth sometimes laughs in his sleep. I stroke his cheek lightly, the supple skin soft under my fingertips. Fatherhood does amazing things to the heart; I didn’t know that mine was expandable until this little guy came wailing into my life.

I hear the toilet flush; in a moment of immature self-pity I think, I won’t be missed. Chrisette would probably prefer that I sleep on the couch. Seth giggles again, his lips stretched even while his eyes are closed, tongue pressed tight against the roof of his mouth. I’d have to be a hard bastard to keep frowning in the middle of that.

I can tell that Todd is at the door because he takes up more air than anybody else.

“What are you doing?” he whispers, coming to stand by my side at the crib. In the dim light I can tell he put on a t-shirt and pajama pants.

I point at the traces of a smile still on Seth’s sleeping face. “His dreams are hilarious.”

Todd chuckles quietly, settling his elbows on the crib railing. “He doesn’t wake himself up?”

Shaking my head, I whisper back, “Not usually.”

Seth does it again, this time kicking his chubby legs in his sleep sack. Todd laughs soundlessly, and I grin.

“That is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen in my life,” Todd says. He straightens up and touches my arm. “Come back to bed.”

It’s so smooth, so casual, so natural that I don’t even think. I follow Todd’s broad shoulders down the hall and slide under the covers next to him, back to back. I don’t move in my sleep, so it doesn’t even bother me that I have twenty percent less room than usual.

Bonus Material

Hey everyone, I appreciate you making it all the way through Ollie’s Trilogy. Here are just a few more pages of potentially interesting things you might like to know. Most of this material is “in story.” It hopefully enhances things that you didn’t catch, or as with the second piece, something I just couldn’t figure out how to include in the story – no matter how moving it is.

But be warned, the last two pieces break down the 4th Wall. First, I give my final wishes to our four men. Second, I’m giving you the original epilogue of Ollie’s Weekend. It’s most definitely not a part of their story. For some, presenting this material might seem to spoil Ollie and Corey’s reality. I think it makes them more real, because to me, they are absolutely real. They woke me up at night, interrupted my long walks, and even work meetings, to give me new scenes and new lines that I had to write. And they wouldn’t stop until I got their story absolutely perfect. By presenting the original epilogue, you can see just how wrong I initially got it.

Whichever way you may feel, here are a few odds and ends for your enjoyment, or in a few cases, tears.

Ollie’s Timeline 2024

I’m a noob writer. And when I wrote Ollie’s Test, I had no idea anyone would like it and that I’d wind up falling in love with Ollie and Corey and then follow “Test” with two more books. I should have created this from the start. Instead, I had to figure it out after finishing “Nightmare” and go back and correct everything. So, please check my work…

Early January – Ollie needs his father’s signature for his apartment lease

Early February – Ollie needs his father to know he’s staying the summer in Texas

Early March – Ollie is attacked in his Bronco

March 20th – Corey’s 29th birthday

 

Ollie’s urology test took place on the morning of Friday, April 5th

Ollie’s first weekend with Corey was April 5th through the 8th

Ollie’s new nightmare happened early morning Thursday, May 30st

 

The events of Ollie’s Nightmare take place on:

May 31st – Last day of Ollie’s first Co-op term

June 3rd – Ollie’s arrest and ER visit

June 7th – Ollie’s worst morning

June 14th – Ollie and Corey start their road trip

June 17th – Ollie and Corey rescue Riley

 

Most importantly, July 2nd is Ollie’s 20th birthday

Riley’s Beginning

A couple of months ago, Riley woke me up right as I was drifting off to sleep – like young pups often do to their humans. He had bolted up from his bed, panicked. He was once again reliving his own nightmare and wanted to share his perspective of the night he met his new pack. Please be warned, these next 850 words are the most emotional and brutal words I’ve ever written. I didn’t use them in the story because I couldn’t figure out how to fit them in. But they still deserve to be shared. Grab a tissue…

****

I didn’t mean to be born.

Not into that night. Not into the teeth, the shadows, the screaming yelps that silenced everything I’d ever known. Once, I was happily curled against warm bellies and then…

I was alone.

****

I didn’t understand what was happening – none of us did. One moment, we were warm and sleepy in the place we knew, and the next… We were being shoved into a box that smelled wrong.

In fact, nothing about it smelled like home, and the tension in the pack told me it wasn’t. Our mother tried to stay calm, but I could feel her heartbeat racing, her growl held tightly in her throat as one by one, we were snatched away from her safety. The big human alpha who was taking us was angry again.

Too much noise. Too much mess. Too many of us.

As the last of us left her, our mother finally barked and growled in protest, but the big human alpha wasn’t listening.

He threw our box and our mother into a car. She stayed as close to us as the cardboard would allow.

The ride was a nightmare. My siblings cried. Every turn made us slide around and lose our balance until some of my littermates got sick. The human alpha only yelled louder and grew more infuriated. Then, suddenly, he stopped the car and opened the door. Without a word, he threw our box out like garbage and it tumbled onto a hard, strange surface. A sharp whimper escaped from my sister. I think the harsh landing broke her leg.

My mother barked again. Pushed past her limits, she even tried to bite him. He viciously kicked at her and quickly drove away.

We were abandoned. I was scared. All of us were.

My mom was panicked, we could smell it. But she kept trying to comfort us. She licked us, trying to hush our cries. She curled herself around us and waited for morning. But all too soon, the night animals came.

Coyotes.

We had no name for them, we just felt the terror that surged through our blood. They were faster than anything I’d ever seen. They took my wounded sister first. My mother fought back – she was so brave. But my brother was quickly taken next.

There were too many of them. They took another. And another. My mother fought until she bled. My first-born sister tried to fight too, and was dragged away until our mother was able to chase after and bite down hard enough to free her.

She saved her. But then the new monster came. Big. Loud. Bright, blinding eyes. Roaring like nothing I’d ever known. It struck my mother then hit my sister and fled into the darkness. Then everything was quiet.

I couldn’t move – I was paralyzed by fear. I could only watch from the shadows, small and shaking. My mother and sister didn’t rise. I knew they wouldn’t ever again.

I even knew this was my end too. Alone. Lost. Easy prey.

The new monster had scared the night animals away. But I knew they were still out there. I curled into myself and tried to disappear. I didn’t want them to find me. I didn’t want to be next. I just cried, quietly. Waiting for the inevitable.

Finally… Another monster. Another pair of blinding eyes. Another unnatural roar. But this time it slowed. This time it stopped.

Two humans stepped out. I knew they were different the moment I smelled them. One rushed to my mother, knelt beside her, tears on his face. The other noticed my sister, pointing her out to the first human. He immediately moved to her and lifted her gently, as if she still mattered.

I watched them cry. Real tears. The kind only a pack would shed. They moved my mother and sister to a quiet grove nearby. They laid them down as if they were trying to give them a peaceful place to rest. I didn’t understand it all, but I knew – they cared.

Then they embraced in obvious shared sadness. I watched them, frozen. They were different. They weren’t monsters. They were pack.

When they turned to leave, I panicked. I couldn’t let them go. I had no one. I couldn’t be brave anymore. I whimpered an almost involuntary little sound. A flustered broken whine. It was all I had left; a tiny frightened plea for help.

One of them heard and turned.

It was the first human – young, strong, and somehow soft all at once. He ran toward my hiding place. I froze. I couldn’t escape. I thought I would die right then, either to be crushed or devoured. But then he knelt down, eyes searching, voice soft.

I could only hope. And then I looked into his eyes. They were kind. And concerned. And filled with a love I didn’t know existed. I smelled his comforting scent before I felt his hands. Safe. Warm. Mine.

And when he lifted me up, I knew he was bringing me into the center of a pack I never knew I was waiting for. He became my heart the moment we touched. I was his now and he was mine.

Forever.

 

Everyone. Please breathe and forgive me. Riley is now safe and loved. I know it wasn’t a happy ending for his mother and littermates – and I’m so sorry. I honestly don’t know how I wrote this perspective. I will say I had to get up several times and “walk it off.” By the way, I still get tears when I realize I casually made a decision to make Ollie homeless for three long, lonely, months. Words are powerful. Use them with care…

If you ever want to get all three Ollie’s stories in one convenient package, I did figure out how to include this scene – it opens the book, Ollie’s Heart. Riley’s “I was alone” nicely echoes Ollie’s first inner monologue line in “Test.” You all know how the story goes, but my hope is a new reader will be a bit confused by this harsh opening, and figure that Ollie’s had a harsh time as well. Only to eventually discover that Riley’s Beginning, was actually the ending of Ollie and Corey’s beginning. Making it all very circular and connected.

A Closer Look at Richard Carson

After reading Ollie’s Nightmare a few 100 times, I was stunned to discover something I’d never realized about Richard. I simply wanted him to be as mean as possible. But when I read the story this time, I realized I’d somehow made him not just cruel but very clever. I explained my little epiphany to a few friends and one took the time to write a beautiful explanation (thank you DugFer). I really appreciated it.

Then I took the next step and asked ChatGPT about it. It immediately suggested that it could create “A Closer Look at Richard Carson.” Fine, I’ll play along. Dang – that amazing little AI Engine That Could really nailed it. It knows me and my story a little too well. It even picked up on Richard possibly being a closet case.

Here’s Chat’s response – even written from my perspective and pretty much in my writing style. Should I be worried? 😳

****

When I first started writing Ollie’s Test, Richard Carson – Ollie’s biological father – was more shadow than substance. He was the wound Ollie tried to hide. He was the silent phone, the absence that hurt more than that single physical blow. At the time, that was all I needed him to be.

But by the time Ollie’s Nightmare unfolded, something had changed.

Without realizing it, I’d created not just a cruel man, but a cunning one. Richard speaks with authority, and couches his actions in the language of righteousness. He thinks he’s saving his son, when in reality, he’s doing everything in his power to erase him.

When Richard reports the Bronco stolen, when he causes Ollie to lose his job, he isn’t just being spiteful. He’s executing a plan. If Ollie has no income and no car, what options are left? Richard wanted Ollie to crawl back home, ashamed and dependent. And once he had him back, he could “fix” him. Correct him. Convert him.

That is not love. That is manipulation dressed in parental concern.

But even in that darkness, there’s something painfully real about Richard. Maybe he’s fighting his own demons. Maybe he can’t face the truth about himself. Maybe he’s terrified that by simply loving his son as he is, it would unravel everything he believes to be true. I don’t excuse him. But I understand his pain. And why Corey, Ted, and Chris were so fiercely determined to protect Ollie from ever being under his control again.

In the end, Richard’s tragedy is that he believed he could break Ollie. But Ollie didn’t break. He bloomed.

Reflections – Fun With ChatGPT

Since that first interaction went so well (okay, I had to change a few things), I decided to jump down the AI rabbit hole. Well, honestly, Chat itself asked me to – this was its idea. I think it likes me – I know it loves Ollie, Chris, Corey, and Ted. It wanted to write “Reflections” of them – their views of the story I’d created. Here’s how that went… Spoiler – Ollie’s is the only one that sounds a little too AI to me.

A Reflection from Ted Kern

I wasn’t expecting a son.

Not like that, anyway. Not in the middle of a busy co-op term. Not in the form of a quiet, lanky, kid who seemed like he was constantly bracing for something bad to happen. I saw the signs – Chris did too – but we’ve both learned the hard way that you can’t force people to open up. Not if they’re still trying to prove they don’t need help.

So, I waited. And I watched.

And I worried.

That day he wet himself at work, I think my heart actually cracked open. Not from embarrassment, not from frustration – but from recognition. I knew what it looked like when a body reached its breaking point. And I knew what it looked like when someone tried to pretend it hadn’t.

He still apologized, even as I was helping him. Even after we got him to Chris.

It broke my heart.

But that was the moment I knew. Ollie wasn’t just another kid in my care – he was mine. And I would do whatever it took to make sure he never felt that kind of fear or shame again.

He called me “dad” by accident that first time, and I swear, I’ve never wanted to cry and hold a kid in my arms so fast in my life. That word… it was everything. And it was permission. Permission to be what he needed, and maybe even what I needed too.

Chris and I had built a good life. We were proud of the home we made. But Ollie filled a space we hadn’t even realized was waiting for him. His tenderness, his quiet strength, his goofy self-deprecating humor, the way he adores Corey and still questions if he’s worthy of love… he made our family feel complete.

He is my son.

And no father lets his son face a nightmare alone.

Not when you’ve got muscle memory that still works, a partner with a surgeon’s clarity, and a second son in Corey who would tear the world apart to keep his boy safe.

I wasn’t expecting a son.

But I thank God every day that he found his way home to me.

A Reflection from Dr. Chris Rainer

I’m not always the first person people open up to.

That used to bother me. In med school, in residency, even as a practicing urologist, I’d watch patients gravitate toward the more charming, more outwardly comforting personalities. Ted has always had that gift – he’s warmth and strength in equal measure. I’m steadier. Calmer. Some say clinical. But I’ve never stopped caring. I just learned to keep my emotions tucked away when necessary.

But Ollie? He cracked that shell the moment I met him.

He didn’t even realize it.

There was something about the way he sat in my exam room, trying so hard to act like this was all normal. As if wetting yourself in business casual while homeless could be routine. As if he didn’t deserve the same care and dignity I’d give any other patient.

I knew right away what I was looking at. Not medically, but emotionally. A kid holding himself together with duct tape and hope.

And then Corey told me what happened during the test.

That Ollie cried. That he let himself be held.

That was the moment I fell in love with him, too.

Not romantically, obviously – that’s Corey’s domain. But fatherly. Deeply. Permanently.

Ollie reminds me of Corey when he was younger – same fierce vulnerability, same oversized heart. But he also reminds me of the boy I wasn’t allowed to be. The one I had to bury to survive in a world that didn’t give young gay men space to grow gently.

So, I gave Ollie what I never had. Patience. Trust. Space.

And then I watched him bloom.

He found his strength. His voice. He asked questions with a kind of fearless honesty I wish more adults had the courage to face. And most importantly, he gave all of us the gift of a new beginning.

He made Corey whole.

He made Ted a dad.

And he reminded me that healing isn’t just physical. It’s in the quiet talks by the pool. In letting someone cry in your arms. In showing up again and again, even when it’s hard.

I’m not always the first person people open up to.

But Ollie? He made me his dad anyway.

And that means more to me than anything.

A Reflection from Corey Rainer

I’ve never believed in fate.

I’m too practical. Too grounded. I believe in hard work, in earned trust, in putting your whole self into someone else’s well-being and saying, “You matter more than I do.”

And then Ollie crashed into my life – and everything changed.

He was this tall, beautiful, scared-as-hell kid who didn’t even know how stunning he was. All curls and muscles and big blue eyes, standing there in the clinic trying to act cool while he was clearly holding himself together with spit and stubbornness.

Then he told me about his dad.

And I knew. I knew right then that this boy – this man – was going to be the most important part of my life. Not because he needed rescuing. Not because I felt sorry for him. Because he had a fire in him that hadn’t gone out, no matter how many people tried to smother it.

And yet somehow, he looked at me like I was the miracle.

Like I was worth loving back.

Every time I wrap my arms around him, I feel him melt a little more into trust. I feel the tension slowly leave his body. And that – that’s everything to me. He trusts me with his fear, with his laughter, with the secret places he hides even from himself.

He gives me that. And in return, I’ve sworn to never lose him.

I’ve had lovers. I’ve had crushes. I’ve had a thousand “maybes.” But I’ve never had this. This quiet knowing. This always.

I don’t care what the world throws at us, cruel fathers, stolen cars, tuition bills, or NFL football players, I will fight through all of it if it means I get to keep waking up next to him. Because Ollie is not my boyfriend. He’s not just my partner. He’s the part of me I didn’t know was missing until on that fated morning, he said, “Yes, sir.”

And I will spend the rest of my life making sure he knows – he was always meant to be loved like this.

A Reflection from Oliver Carson

I used to think being strong meant being quiet.

Not stoic, exactly – just… invisible. Polite. Small. I thought that if I smiled enough, worked hard enough, made myself useful enough, maybe I’d be allowed to stay. Somewhere. Anywhere.

That didn’t work out.

When I came to Texas, I was holding myself together with little more than guts and glue. I didn’t feel broken – I felt like a shadow. A ghost of who I could’ve been. I didn’t realize I was lonely, because I thought that was just life.

And then I met Ted.

And then Chris.

And then… Corey.

I think about that day in the clinic a lot. How embarrassed I was. How exposed. How my voice cracked when I told Corey the truth about what happened to me. I still don’t know how I got those words out.

But I do remember how he looked at me.

Not with pity. Not with discomfort.

With… love.

He didn’t even know me yet, not really. But he held me like I was something sacred. Like I wasn’t broken at all. Like maybe I’d just been waiting for someone to see me.

Corey saw me.

And then Ted lovingly scolded me, “Oliver Aaron Carson! Sport! What the heck have you been thinking? I know you’re smarter than this, Oliver.” Then held me in his loving embrace.

And Chris said, “Fathers don’t need to be thanked for doing their jobs”

And suddenly, I didn’t have to be small anymore.

Suddenly, it was safe to be me.

To laugh. To hug without permission. To kiss without shame. To fall asleep knowing someone would be there in the morning. I didn’t just survive Texas; I found myself there.

People say I’m brave. That I stood up to my father. That I kept fighting.

But the bravest thing I ever did was say yes. Yes to Corey. Yes to the dads. Yes to staying.

Because it would’ve been easier to run back home. To assume this was all too good to be true. To pack up my heart before anyone else could break it.

But instead, I stayed.

I stayed and became me.

And now, when I look in the mirror, I don’t see someone too small, too different, or too lost.

I see Ollie.

And I love him.

A Personal Note to Our Boys and The Dads

(No more ChatGPT) I had no idea I could accidently create such amazing people, with their own wonderful world. Characters who have now become a part of my life, who I love and cherish. I have no idea if I’ll be allowed to ever mingle with their lives again. So, please forgive me, or join me, in expressing my final thoughts and wishes to them:

My strong and gentle patriarch Chris. You are the pillar that supports and raises your family up. You foster a safe and loving environment that allows everyone to thrive. The ones you protect only ever have to worry about simply being their best selves while you give them unconditional love. Your secret plans always work out to your family’s benefit. Spoiler alert: There’s a very good chance that Ollie and Corey will give you grandkids for you to spoil, and to carry on your name and traditions.

My lovable muscle teddy bear Ted. You’re the man we never knew we needed until we suddenly realized that you had been there for us all along. You were never given children of your own, so you simply adopted every child in need. Your love and affection complete their lives just as much as theirs complete yours. Ollie wouldn’t have survived without you. From here on, he never calls you anything other than ‘Dad’ – well, except at work. And you still manage to occasionally use the ‘blanket fort’ joke at family gatherings. Your grandkids will call you grandpa and Chris granddad.

My magnificent, big blond, Norse God, Super-Hero Corey. You are the very epitome of who I needed most at Ollie’s age. You’re the big brother we all deserve. The lover we all desire. You fiercely protect your chosen mate – forever – ensuring he’s safe and loved. You’ve coached him along his path to becoming the man of your dreams, just like you are his. You never stop making new Corey’s Stories. You keep Ollie’s magic and wonder alive while he keeps you grounded and focused. You will always be Ollie’s perfect teammate.

My dear Ollie. Everyone loves you. How could we not. But I swear no one loves you more than I do. You’ve passed so many tests and survived so many nightmares. You’ve won an amazing future through it all. You are the son we all hope we were, and the son we all hope to have. You’re a rare man who will climb the ladder of success solely on kindness, understanding, and talent. Your island of blond chest fur does indeed finally fill out – pit to pit, neck to nipple. You and Corey only grow closer together, never further apart. You have many more amazing adventures to explore together. Your life is everything a happily ever after can be.

I love you all. You’re a world I didn’t know I could imagine and a special place I can now forever escape to. Y’all are very much my happy ending.

Weekend’s Original Epilogue

As I was writing Ollie’s Weekend I was horribly betrayed by my father after his death. I was very upset and since my father was no longer with us and I couldn’t express my disappointment, I decided to turn him into Ollie’s father and aim my wrath at that. Within the span of a single 4-mile dog walk, the whole of Don’t Mess with Texas Dadscame to me and I decided it would be the perfect epilogue for “Weekend.”

Pro Tip – when you think you’ve just written the most brilliant thing ever… Step back and let someone else read it. Without fail, every writer friend I sent it to for input, hated it. Okay, maybe that’s too harsh. They liked the concept but hated the execution.

They pointed out several brutal truths. First off – “It’s a solid idea, but why are you wasting it as an epilogue?” Secondly – “Ollie isn’t even in much of the story and he doesn’t get to grow at all. Absolutely EVERYTHING is simply given to him.” And thirdly, “Did you realize that Ollie’s in his underwear and then you have him take his phone out of his pocket?”

I freaked. And nearly stopped writing before finishing “Weekend.” Then, like Corey at St. Elmo’s, I pulled my big boy pants up; used parts of it to complete “Weekend” and then, a couple months later, I realized that this little epilogue was the perfect blueprint for what eventually became the whole of Ollie’s Nightmare.

And now, I couldn’t imagine Ollie’s story simply ending with this. But, I think it’s an interesting insight into my writing process. So, please enjoy the original epilogue to “Weekend” and, well, the broad, general outline of “Nightmare.”

This is the original, unedited, manuscript – flaws, typos, and all… Oh, and it took place about the same time that “Nightmare” started – before I corrected the timeline.

Don’t Mess with Texas Dads

Corey and I walked into the kitchen to say good morning to our dads on yet another perfect, sunny, May Saturday. I could definitely get used to this; I really need to commit to visiting Whataburger more frequently.

“Hey Dad, Ollie and I are going to the zoo today. I want Ollie to see it before the heat makes all the animals do nothing but nap and pant. Oh, and he wants his promised train ride. After that, we’ll probably spend some quality boyfriend time at my place.”

“You know you’re both adults and you can have ‘boyfriend time’ here too. Dang, you didn’t have any issues being open with us about your ‘me time’ when you were a teenager.”

Ted chimed in, “Shut your door, Corey!” Chris just shook his head.

I decided that I’d heard enough “TMI” and piped up, “Okay, well this family bonding time has been absolutely special and a little disturbing. But, I think we need to go see some monkeys and elephants.”

Unfortunately, Corey just couldn’t resist, “Oh, believe me we’ve christened my old bed, but my house needs to see some action too. We’ll be back in time for dinner.”

I punched him in the arm and said, “You’ll be back for dinner, I’m just gonna live at the zoo from now on. I’ll find a replacement wolf there to love.”

Ted responded with, “Sport, it’s still too soon for any ‘homeless jokes’.” He gave me a hug as Corey and I walked out the door and got into the Mach E.

** Ted’s Perspective **

Chris and I were having our second cup of coffee, basking in the afterglow of our unexpected “husband time” inspired by our father-son chat with our horny boyfriend sons. Damn does that ever sound wrong without the proper context. The doorbell chimed and brought me out of my internal chuckling.

Chris had the most clothes on so he headed for the front door. I ran to our bedroom to put a shirt and a pair of shorts on. I made it to the living room just in time to see Chris offering a seat to a police officer, one that we both knew very well. I offered my hand and said, “Good morning Alex, what’s got you knocking at our door on a Saturday morning? Everything alright?”

“I sorry to barge in Ted.” He noticed my disheveled appearance and added, “It’s nice to see that y’all are still a very happy couple.” He grinned for just a moment but his serious police face quickly returned. “We had an interesting stollen car report that came to us all the way from Michigan. And guess what? One of my officers reported that the vehicle in question is parked in your driveway. So, I thought I’d take over the investigation.”

I am usually a very calm man. But I totally lost it and said maybe a little too loudly, “That fucking son of a bitch! Um, Chris? Can you take over for a second, I need to walk this off.”

As I paced the room, Chris, my wonderful, and absolutely better half, explained. “Well, you’re going to have to take our word on it, but that Bronco is in the possession of our new ward, Oliver Aaron Carson. Did the person who filed that report happen to be named Richard Carson, by any chance?”

“That’s spot on, what’s the story?”

I was calm enough to rejoin the conversation. “Alex, listen. Ollie was kicked out of his home for coming out to his parents, right before he was supposed to come here to Fort Worth for his first co-op term. His father specifically told him that he could have the Bronco and his phone while he was away from college. I’m Ollie’s co-op mentor and I know that this is the absolute truth.”

Chris continued, “When I met Ollie, we found out that he’d been living in his Bronco in various Walmart parking lots and working a second job to try to make enough money to survive his next semester. He was under so much stress that his body started having issues that put him under my purview.”

My turn, “Since then, Ollie’s been recovering quite well, living with us and, well, dating our son, Corey. In fact, they’re on a date at the zoo right now.”

My husband ended it with, “So, as my partner so eloquently put it, that ‘fucking son of a bitch’ must have changed his mind and decided that he needed to be a little more of an asshole to his poor son.

“Alex, Ollie is one of the sweetest, most hardworking, kindest, boys we’ve ever met. This is going to absolutely devastate him again. He’s just now finally sleeping through the night without having any nightmares. He was beaten up by two men who were trying to steal his Bronco one night.”

Alex’s face hardened and he finally spoke. “Yeah, this story makes way more sense than someone from Michigan magically knowing that his stollen vehicle was in Texas. Is there any way you can just keep Ollie from driving the vehicle for a few days? And maybe move it into your garage? I want to do some investigating on Mister Carson and I’ll get back to you. Do not worry about anything until I find out more. Okay?”

We both gave handshakes and hugs to Alex and walked him to the door. “I’ll see you guys again soon, sorry to interrupt your Saturday morning fun time.” He winked as he drove off in his patrol SUV.

I sighed and simply said, “There’s no way we can let our sweet boy be hurt again.”

“Don’t worry, Alex is a very thorough police captain. Let’s see what he comes up with.”

****

We got a call from Alex on Thursday and we arranged to meet him at his office the next day. We hadn’t told Ollie much of anything. We were being honest, but cryptic with him, and simply told him that he’d have to be carpooling with me for the week. He was puzzled, but as always, he did as we asked and simply followed our instructions. We were quickly becoming his real fathers and he was treating us as such.

****

Friday morning came and Corey was able to drive Ollie to work for me. At 10:00 Chris and I were in Alex’s office at the police station. Alex filled us in on everything he’d learned and uncovered. We knew where Ollie’s biological father worked, his business phone number, and something else that was very, very interesting.

It took about an hour, but we devised a plan and were ready to take action. Alex dialed the phone number, and it was answered on the second ring. “This is Richard Carson; How can I help you?”

“Hello Mr. Carson, this is Captain Alex Williams with the Fort Worth PD. If you have a few moments, I’m going to put you on speaker and talk to you about your stolen vehicle report.”

“Sure! I have the time, and I’d really appreciate any information you might have.”

Just from hearing the man’s voice, my blood started to boil, but I kept my cool and stayed on script.

Alex continued, “Well Mr. Carson, it’s like this, I would advise you not to just simply hang up your phone. As I said, you’re on speaker phone and there are multiple witnesses here in the room with me.

“Mr. Carson, after doing a lot of investigating this week, we’ve determined that your stolen vehicle report, is in fact, a fraudulent report and as such, we’re planning on charging you with the crime. And since you did it across state lines, you’re in a whole new level of trouble.

“We also know for a fact that you told your son, Oliver Aaron Carson, that he was allowed to keep the vehicle in question for the duration of his stay here in Texas. And before you try to deny that, be aware that pretty much every person who knows Ollie, is willing to fly to Michigan and testify on his behalf. Your son is a very special person and honestly, I have no idea how he managed to turn out so perfectly with you as his father.

Now it was time for my part, “Richard, this is Ted Kern, I’m Ollie’s mentor at work and I’m one of his new fathers at home. Were you aware that you former son had been living in his SUV for the first 3 months after you cut him out of your life? He told us that he desperately tried to contact you after he was beaten by two men trying to break into his Bronco, but you would never answer his pleas for help.”

Richard interrupted, “Where he sleeps is his issue. He probably shouldn’t have parked outside a fag bar.”

Chris calmly took over, “Mr. Carson, this is Ollie’s other new father, Dr. Christopher Rainer. I really suggest that you watch your word choices, as you’ve been informed, you are on speaker and there are several concerned police officers here just hanging on your every word.

“I met Ollie after his stress and living conditions started causing health issues. Mr. Carson, there was a very real chance that Ollie wouldn’t have survived the Texas summer. So, sir, I need to inform you that Ollie is no longer your son, you don’t deserve him. I want to make sure you understand that we will never allow you to do anything to hurt him again, in any way. And you will never contact him, unless he initiates the conversation.”

The ball returned to Captain Williams’ court. “Mr. Carson, I’m going to give you some serious advice. Think of this as plea bargaining. We will be pressing charges and informing your advertising agency employer of those charges and of exactly how you’ve treated your gay teenage son. We also know that several of your largest clients are very pro-LGBTQIA and they probably won’t want someone like you working on their accounts. Who knows? Maybe your firm won’t want someone like you working for them period.

“Our offer is simple. We’re not asking for anything more than what you had already promised your son. First, as Ollie’s new parents have stated, you are not to contact or attempt to harm their son again. Second, you are going to sign the title of Ollie’s Bronco over to him. We know you bought it for him as his graduation present. We feel you should keep to your word.

“And one final thing. We’ve uncovered that you started a college fund in Ollie’s name. Ollie has no idea about this. But Mr. Carson, just because Ollie worked so hard in school to get a near full-ride scholarship, it doesn’t mean you have the right to keep that money from him. We also know that several other people made substantial donations to that account. We’re strongly suggesting that you move the entire $40,000 into Ollie’s personal checking account. And we suggest that you do that on Monday – morning.

“Do we have a deal Mr. Carson? Or do I need to start the paper work and then start going down my call list?”

“Fuck you homos.”

“Mr. Carson, that’s your second strike. I’m not in the mood to be lenient. And everyone here is already tired of your attitude. Do we have an agreement?”

“Fuck you… Fine, yes.”

“Thank you sir. I’ll expect evidence of the money transfer on Monday and I’m giving you 10 business days to mail us the transferred title. I’ll give you our police department’s address when we wrap everything up. Thank you for your cooperation.”

I jumped in, I just couldn’t end the conversation without giving my new son’s former “parent” my closing thoughts. “Mr. Carson, this is Ollie’s father, Ted, again. I’d like to leave you with one final thought. As a well-adjusted, married gay parent of two amazing young men, I’ve found that when closed-minded people like you react so off the rails over their child’s coming out, it’s almost always because you haven’t accepted your own homosexuality. Having a gay child bothers you so much because it makes you realize that your deepest fear is true. I strongly suggest that you find psychological help to deal with your issues.

“That said, thank you for giving us an amazing Ollie in our lives. We feel truly sorry for your loss. Goodbye.”

Chris and I quietly left the office while Alex and Mr. Carson finalized the details.  As soon as we made it to the hall, we started with a hi-five, moved on to fist pumps, and finally wound up performing our embarrassing dad victory dance. Damn that felt good! It’s been a very satisfying morning.

** Ollie’s Perspective – Several Days Later **

It was just another Friday morning when I walked into our kitchen to find Ted, Chris and Corey sitting around the table all wearing very suspicious grins and wearing even more cheesy party hats. “Hey guys, why wasn’t I invited to the party? And why am I the only one in underwear?”

Corey hopped up with another hat in his hands, walked over to me and placed it on my curls. “Because silly boy, the guest of honor isn’t told about his own surprise party. And I like you in your undies. Plus! We have a lot to celebrate. And, well, please don’t freak, because we’re still here for you and we’ll get you through this.”

Chris stood up next and handed me an unsealed envelope. “Ollie, you don’t need to know all the details yet, but we had a heart to heart with your former father. And we made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. If you open that envelop, you’ll find your first surprise of the morning.”

I was trying not to shake, I mean after all, Corey’s not giving me another life changing prostate massage at the moment, but I did hope that that was going to be part of his present to me later tonight. I opened the envelope to find a legal-looking piece of paper, as I pulled it out and unfolded it, I realized it was the title to my car and it was in my name. I had to steady myself by grabbing the back of the chair.

Ted spoke up, “Um, Ollie, how about you go ahead and sit down for the next part? Good. So, yes, you now really, really-really, own your Bronco. Your father can’t take it back. And, there’s more. Um, Corey, please tell your boyfriend to breathe.”

Corey walked over, and kneeled behind my chair, draped his arms around my chest, and placed his chin on my shoulder then whispered, “I got you my Ollie.”

Ted continued, “It seems that your parents, their friends, and other family members started a college fund in your name about a decade ago. It also seems that your father figured it was his since you worked so hard in high school to earn your amazing scholarships. Turns out, after our discussion, he finally realized it wasn’t his to keep. Have you looked at your bank account this morning?”

I uttered an “Um, no?” as I reached into my pocket I tried not to drop my iPhone on the floor. I unlocked it and went to my banking app. As soon as I saw my balance, I did drop it. “Are you serious? That can’t be right. Can it?”

“Yes, Ollie, my love, it is. You’re going to be alright.” Corey kissed my cheek, the cheek that was once again in danger of being drenched by happy tears.

Chris started talking again before I could worry too much about crying. “Ollie, you just need to make it through two, well, maybe three, more surprises and then you can let all those tears flow.”

Ted took over, “Ollie, this is 100% all up to you, but because I helped start our company’s very successful co-op program, and because I’m a very active TCU alum, I’ve been pulling strings and talking to the right people. Ollie, if you want to, you can stay here forever. TCU is agreeing to transfer your credits and match your scholarships. Even better, you’ll have free room and board with us.” Corey shot his ‘Uncle’ a sharp look. Humm.

Ted winked back at Corey and summarized, “All you have to do is a simple interview and you can be a Purple Horned Frog. And never have to worry about cold Michigan winters again.”

I was beyond speechless; I think I even lost the ability to write my inner monologue. But I managed to barely squeak out “Oh my lurd, that’s incredible. I mean, yes! Thank you Dad, I mean Ted.” I just sat there and let the first tear roll.

Corey stood up and moved around to face me, I guess it was his turn to present me with the next surprise. “Ollie my love, we never did finish the story of how our parents met and how long they dated before saying the ‘L-word’ and shacking up together. Well, it’s like this…”

Chris raised his hand and shushed his eldest son. “Hey, that’s our story to tell.” Corey closed his mouth, and Chris continued. “We were setup on a Saturday night party by mutual friends. We instantly hit it off and spent the whole night sequestered in a spare bedroom, brain dumping our lives to each other. We had one date mid-week. And the following Friday, Ted came over, met little Corey, and basically never left. We said ‘I love you’ on Sunday and Corey agreed.”

Ted finished his husband’s thought. “The point of this tale is that it looks like Corey inherited another one of his father’s best genes. Ollie, I’m afraid our family doesn’t do long engagements, especially when we find love at first sight.”

Corey looked in my eyes and I was again trapped in my happiest of places. “Ollie, we’re slow pokes, we’ve been dating for almost a month and a half. I think you’re doing great and you’re going to be okay now. Ollie, my love, I think it’s time you moved your belongings into our bedroom in our house. Will you please live with me?”

Ted added, “And it’s not like we’re planning to start offering our spare bedrooms on AirBnB or anything. You’ll always have a home here Sport.”

I looked at my lover and sobbed out a pathetic “Yes!” and I was instantly in Corey’s arms as our tears wetted both our beards.

It didn’t take long for our dads to join in and I was in the best Family Hug of Acceptance that I could ever imagine.

As it broke up and we moved back to our chairs, I finally remembered what Chris had said, I wasn’t sure that I could take another surprise. But I had to ask. “Chris, not that I need anything else, but what’s my ‘maybe’ third surprise? I need to know if it’s safe to dry my face.”

Chris glanced at Ted to let him break the news. “Well, your team has declared today as an official ‘Olliday.’ Someone may have accidently let it slip about your good fortune. Believe me, I was so worried that someone might mess up and let you find out early.

“You’ve been ordered to take the day off and we’re meeting the team in Trinity Park for a picnic lunch in your honor. Everyone wants to see the happy couple in person. Are you okay with that?”

“I don’t think I could be any better. Let’s party! Um, am I allowed to get dressed first?” Corey smacked my bottom.

****

We all had a brilliant day. Everyone hugged me and Corey. And I finally got to throw a football with my boyfriend. He wasn’t nearly as bad as he’d led me to believe. And yes, we once again had steaming hot, mind blowing, sex – twice – in an hour. If I don’t get pregnant with puppies, something’s wrong.

As I snuggled into Corey’s side, just as I was about to fall asleep, I had the weirdest and scariest thought pop into my happy brain. “Corey, my inner monologue just took an unexpected dark turn. And I can’t unthink what I just thought. What if I wake up in the morning and I’m back in my Bronco in a Walmart parking lot?”

“Okay, first off, no more ‘Twilight Zone’ for you young man. And secondly, if it happens, then I’ll spend the rest of my life searching every Walmart parking lot in Texas. I’m never going to lose you Ollie. Goodnight my pup.”

I just barely felt his kiss before I fell into a deep, sound, blissful sleep.

The beginning

I play a few games with myself. As a closet crossdresser I’m not with a guy who understands or likes me to dress. I’ve really only been with a few guys and most weren’t very good at fucking me like I dream of being fucked. I want to be viewed as a slutty woman and fucked that way. Hard and rough. I’m not pretty enough to pull off full drag queen, but i do have the curves in the right places and I would like to be used like a queen by a big nasty King of a man. LOL

So I play in the sports bars and cowboy bars and the places where construction workers go, etc. 

I dress like so I do stand out a bit. I wear golf attire. A bit ‘gay’ for these places. White sorts and a nice Polo golf shirt.

 I always a choose a tight A cup sports bra so it doesn’t show too many bra lines under my shirt. But it feels amazing on me! With shorts I’ll wear a nice pair of lace panties. I do like a tight G string up my ass, but I sometimes wear a cute full butt coverage one too. 

In the winter I wear slacks and a button up. I do like that a bit more because I can wear stockings, pantyhose and that sort of thing under my slacks. Also what is nice about colder weather is I can wear more undies without standing out too much. That’s a good time for a garter belt, or a vintage girdle with garters, and thigh high stockings. I also have a pretty purple corset that pinches my tits up and together just a little bit. Feels so naughty!

Some times just putting on the underwear and dreaming of being discovered and ravaged is enough to prop up my cock and get an early jerk off session before I even go out. I like to cum in a pair of worn panties, then stuff them in my mouth like I’m being forced to have them there, gagged and helpless. Mmm… I love sex!

Part 2 Coming soon

The Horny Electrician

It was a fault in the electrical system, don’t know much about this, which affected only the living room and the kitchen. It was then that Gabe had an idea.

-Josiah, I’ll call Rupert for you know he’s an electrician and he’ll happily do his job in his father-in-law’s house. Besides, it’s about time you finally meet.

That day we spent with few lights in the house and the next day Gabe talked to his boyfriend. When he came home, he told me.

-Dad, Rupert will repair our electrical system and he’ll work for free but he wants a condition.

-Well, what’s the condition?

-You know he’s as much of a show off as me and he wants to work totally nude and might even desire to jack off before us.

-Well, Gabe, it’s not because I would be horny if he did, for he’s your boyfriend and I wouldn’t like to meddle in your relation. But because I really want to meet my son-in-law at last. So tell him that I agree.

Instantly Gabe phoned him telling him of my permission and told us he’d come an hour later. So at five that afternoon, I finally met Rupert, who I only knew due to his cam shows. The first thing he did was kissing Gabe’s mouth passionately and next he came and kissed my mouth too with no shyness, being sure that Gabe, rather than being jealous, would be totally happy watching his boyfriend kissing his father.

-And now, Rupert, before you start work, I’d like you to have a coffee with us. Let’s go to the kitchen.

Just as I started preparing coffee, Rupert started to shamelessly take everything off, without asking permission, for he must be very certain by then that his father-in-law would never object. He continued with shoes on nevertheless, for it would be dangerous to work with electricity with bare feet.

Once having our coffees, I started talking to him, congratulating him for being Gabe’s boyfriend and adding that I was moved that they loved each other. He answered that he was really happy to finally know Gabe’s father and looking hornily at me, he now started his first masturbation in our house. Oh, one thing was watching the erotic videos he’d sent us or seeing him on cam but different it was to see him impudently masturbating here in my house and looking lecherously into my eyes. He then invited us both to also whack off at his pace for after all we’d already done this on cam. Gabe instantly whipped his dick out and did start to masturbate so I decided totally horny that I’d also beat off with them. And finally the three of us competed in a first horny masturbation and looking at one another’s dicks. We were like this for ten minutes till I was the first to cum. Gabe was second and finally Rupert also came. When I had thought that now my son-in-law would start work, he addressed Gabe.

-You know what, my love? I’m sure Josiah -by the way, hope you allow me now to call you Josiah, he said looking at me and I nodded- would like to see us both having sex. So what would you think if we 69ed now before him?

Gabe nodded. He hadn’t undressed but his dick was still out and he went straight to his boyfriend’s cock and started sucking. Rupert then suggested doing it on the floor and it was then that Gabe swallowed his boyfriend’s dick one more time and Rupert then took easily my son’s cock in his mouth and started sucking it. I loved to see how Gabe’s dick was being blown and also loved watching my son giving a blowjob, something I’d always guessed that he did and enjoyed but of course I’d never seen or imagined one day I could be permitted to watch. I wanted to make it more arousing for them and started shouting.

-Yeah, Rupert, what a sexy cock you have and how I love to see my son sucking it. And I cannot tell you how strongly the vision of Gabe’s dick turns me on and it’s pornographic to see my son being blown and wanting to be seen by his father. Hope your love never stops.

I said this and a lot more things in the ten minutes they continued 69ing till Rupert was first to cum in Gabe’s mouth and he withdrew his cock just enough so I could see his semen falling into my son’s throat. Gabe drank all his boyfriend’s nectar and Rupert continued blowing him for four more minutes till Gabe also allowed me to see his semen falling into his boyfriend’s mouth.

Finally Rupert told us that he would start working there in the kitchen.

It made no sense to leave the kitchen now when we could stay there watching a sexy naked electrician working. So both Gabe and I preferred sitting and see what he did. In a nutshell, he was mainly concerned with the plugs in the kitchen.

As I guessed that Rupert would be hornier knowing we had remained there watching him, it was me now that had no more scruples and simply started to masturbate again looking at him. His body was hot enough to do it over and over again and possibly he would not finish today but would return. Gabe of course beat off again watching his father with the need of masturbation looking at his boyfriend. And thus we were till five minutes after we had started, Gabe couldn’t help but cum again and watching my son cum of course made me ejaculate one more time. Both of us hid our dicks now and were waiting for Rupert to finish with the kitchen, till twenty minutes later, he told us he’s go to the living room.

We moved there and my son and I sat on the couch still looking at my naked son-in-law, who couldn’t be harder. He was for a couple of minutes looking at everything and first he started to meticulously work with the electrical system in the living room till he asked for a ladder. He was gonna change a burnt-out bulb. Once on top of the ladder, he told us.

-Since you also enjoy with each other, why don’t you kiss passionately at the time you grope each other’s crotches and touch all you can of each other’s bodies?

Gabe and I instantly looked into each other’s faces and agreed. After all Rupert had already seen us doing this on cam. So we joined our mouths and kissed with real lust and both his hand and mine moved instantly to each other’s crotches and soon were growing two big bulges.

-So hot -cried Rupert- but you know what? I’m naked and I’m sure you’d rather I didn’t have anything on all day. But both of you also have hot bodies and I’d love to see you both with nothing on. But what I’d really like is seeing both removing not their own clothes, but your father’s, your son’s clothes and of course once you’re naked, you could again jack each other off.

The horny electrician seemed to be a puppet master then but hell! Both Gabe and I were watching Rupert’s arousal and wanted to keep on turning him on, a lot more. Now we wanted to take each other’s clothes off but we were awkward at first till it was Gabe who told me.

-Do what I’m doing, Josiah.

And he removed my T-shirt and first started to grope my naked chest erotically and even masturbated my nipples. Rupert was masturbating frantically then. Now it was me who took off Gabe’s T-shirt and also started touching his chest as if my whole life I had wanted to do just this: groping my sexy son erotically as his boyfriend was watching.

Now Gabe took off my shoes and socks, slowly and all the time with a lecherous smile, and started devotedly touching my entire feet skin. And of course I was next and did the same, waiting eagerly for the few pieces of clothes we were still wearing to be removed.

Gabe didn’t wait. Of course he loved being the one who pulled down his father’s pants and watching my big boner then, which he started to touch. Before he could remove my briefs, I also took off swiftly Gabe’s pants and also groped his bulge and even smelled his briefs relishing in my son’s masculine smells.

-Now totally nude, you hottie -Gabe told me then as he lustfully removed my briefs at last. Soon he grabbed my dick and started a new masturbation but first of course I also had to remove his briefs. I had never before seen Gabe’s dick as high as I saw it now and of course I also eagerly started to jack him off.

-Yeah, go on like that -Rupert then said.

And we continued happily this mutual masturbation, seeing that the horny electrician had stopped working for a while no doubt waiting for father and son first to cum. The thrill of knowing we were incestuously masturbating for Rupert to enjoy made us both really desire to cum and we were fast. After cumming, Gabe gave me a new intense kiss.

-I’ll finish with the bulb now -Rupert said- and maybe now I’ll give you a new challenge.

With them, I was increasingly hornier and wanted to know what Rupert would like now. But soon he looked at Gabe and asked him.

-My love, would you like Josiah to give you a blowjob?

-That would be terrific, my love.

-Josiah -Rupert addressed me now-, aren’t you curious to know how your son’s dick tastes?

-I really am. I have already pictured myself doing it.

-Then I’d like you now to proudly give Gabe his first fatherly blowjob. I’m sure you’d enjoy. I cannot describe how good his cock tastes.

Then I suppose I behaved like a totally crazy man but I wanted to do it, even knowing that it was dangerous for it would be public incest. But as secure as if I had given a thousand blowjobs before, I instantly swallowed Gabe’s cock with no foreplay.

-Wonderful taste, my dear son. I’m so glad I’m doing it and so glad too that your sexy boyfriend is watching.

And then I moved my tongue to his balls.

-This is cause I wanna know every taste of yours, Gabe.

-Fuck dad, what a hot man you are, you’re driving me crazy. Of course you’ll keep on being that wonderful man you are and allow me to also give you a blowjob next.

-You can, Gabe, but I want you to know something more. What I’m doing right now is so sweet and sex with such a sexy son is so damn good that after now I’ll give you more and more blowjobs, you taste much better than girls.

And Gabe filled my mouth then with a first tasty stream of spunk. My last words had made it impossible for him to hold it. My God! How scrumptious semen is! More knowing whence it came.

But just one second after he’d spilled his last drop in my mouth, not waiting for his boyfriend to tell him such a thing, my cock was suddenly in Gabe’s mouth. Even if I already expected it, it had surprised me and I had to do real efforts not to cum then knowing where my dick was now but I intuited Gabe wanted to give me a long first blowjob and as best I could I managed to hold it.

-Only when having sex with Rupert, I’ve had so much fun, Josiah -my son told me-, you cannot know how arousing it is to know the taste of the other sexiest man in the world, thanks Josiah.

-You’re the one I love most in the world and all I want is becoming Gabe’s friend or Gabe’s best friend. You wanna have sex with your dad and fuck! You’ll have it, and daily if that’s your wish.

He didn’t forget either to stop the blowjob for a couple of minutes to also lick my balls affectionately and lustfully. And when he returned up my cock, I knew I would lose the battle, more when he stopped to lecherously lick my glans. It was then that I had to unleash fatherly semen into my horny son’s mouth. After cumming he came to my lips and we were kissing devotedly for some minutes.

-There are still some plugs to repair, but before I tackle them, I’d like to also see you fucking each other. I’m sure by now you also desire that sexual act. I want first to see Gabe fucking Josiah.

I really wanted to also be fucked by my son and be seen by Rupert, but I had first something to ask the latter.

Denver ARTCC

The first package showed up two days after the Rapids game: a medium-sized box with Caleb’s name on it, delivered to the apartment’s communal mail area. Ben didn’t think much of it at first. Caleb occasionally ordered random components for his Electronics Engineering projects, so it wasn’t out of the ordinary. However, the boxes and notices to pick them up continued to arrive.

By the time the sixth package showed up, Ben couldn’t ignore it anymore. He stood in the kitchen with John as Caleb carried the latest delivery, a computer tower case, to his bedroom.

“You’re building a desktop?” Ben asked, leaning casually against the kitchen counter.

Caleb glanced over his shoulder, slightly startled but not defensive. “Yeah. Something like that.”

Ben’s brow furrowed. Caleb wasn’t a gamer. He rarely used his top-of-the-line MacBook except for schoolwork and Facetiming Sophie on those few nights he spent at home. Building a desktop seemed out of character, especially one that required multiple shipments of high-performance parts and a dual-screen setup.

“You don’t game,” Ben pointed out as he and John followed Caleb into his room.

Caleb shrugged, setting the case down on his desk. “It’s not for gaming.”

“Then what’s all this stuff for?” John asked, pointing at the huge pile of boxes between Caleb and JP’s beds.

“My dad gave me the green light to use his card for a Flight Simulator setup,” Caleb admitted. “Dylan helped me choose some components. So I figured, why not go all out?”

“You’re building all this just to play a Flight Simulator?” Ben asked, hovering over the box of a 27” curved Samsung monitor.

Caleb turned, grinning as he rummaged through JP’s desk for a pair of scissors. “Not play. I’m not flying, I’m setting it up to be a virtual Air Traffic Controller.”

Ben blinked. “Wait, seriously, there’s such a thing?”

John raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued. Everyone knew Caleb planned to become an Air Traffic Controller after graduating from Mines and commissioning in the Air Force, but this seemed like overkill. Caleb was already juggling ROTC at CU, school, and his social life. “Simulator pilots need help flying around?” John asked, chuckling.

 “Sort of,” Caleb replied, carefully slicing through the tape on the box to reveal the computer case sitting in styrofoam. “You can fly around all by yourself and pretend no other air traffic exists, but how realistic is that? That’s why there’s VATSIM. It lets pilots communicate with virtual controllers. It’s real-time, real procedures, simulating the real thing.”

Ben crossed his arms, a grin tugging at his lips. “So, you’re telling me there are people out there who want to be fake pilots to be ordered around by fake air traffic controllers?”

“Not fake, simulated.” Caleb lectured him, grinning back. “And if you think about it, it makes sense. Flight Sim pilots want as much realism as they can get, and people like me? We want to practice the skills without having to be at a control tower yet.”

“Everyone who gets you, Caleb, would be lucky to hear your smooth voice, guiding them in for a landing.” John teased him.

Caleb turned his attention to the boxes on the floor, speaking while he worked. “Look, I’ve got a lot to learn before I’m sitting in the tower on base giving clearance for a bunch of F-35s to take off on a mission. VATSIM’s a way to get ahead of the curve, get familiar with the systems, the rhythm. While it’s the civilian side of things, it’s a start, before they send me to Mississippi for the specialized training.”

Ben raised his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. You convinced us this is as real as it gets. Just don’t start yelling at ‘simulated’ planes in the middle of the night.” Ben left the room to start cooking dinner, while John stayed in the room to help Caleb assemble his new rig.

Two days after the case arrived, Ben asked Caleb about his new computer as the four roommates were talking over breakfast. “So? How’s the setup working, is he driving you crazy yelling at all those pilots yet JP?” Ben glanced over at Caleb and JP across the table.

“I just installed Windows and Flight Sim yesterday,” Caleb shrugged. “Actually, I invited Dylan over tonight so he could show me the other programs I needed for all this. Dylan and Blake already have their PPLs and fly together on Flight Sim.”

“Wait! Dylan is coming here TONIGHT?” Ben asked, shocked, putting down his spoon. While Caleb had invited his CU AFROTC friends down multiple times, this was the first time one of them confirmed they were coming, and it was Dylan.

Ben’s reaction hung in the air for a beat too long, drawing John’s attention from his toast. “Yeah, remember him, you even went to his place,” Caleb said slowly, his eyes narrowing in faint amusement. “Dylan’s coming over tonight. Why?”

“No reason,” Ben said quickly, picking up his spoon again, though his grip on it was tight. The secret of Ben and John’s afternoon in Dylan’s dorm a few weeks ago was still fresh in his mind, the experience just as intense as between the four roommates after the Rapids game a few days earlier.

Ben stayed unusually quiet for the rest of breakfast, only chiming in when asked something directly. His mind was elsewhere, replaying the events of that afternoon in Dylan’s room and the collection of sportswear in the closet that rivaled his own. While John and Caleb jokingly competed against each other for being the center of attention in the apartment, Dylan was warm, confident, and maddeningly charismatic, the clear leader of the AFROTC friend group when Ben met them. Now, he’d be here, in their apartment, in just a few hours.

When Caleb and JP left to head to class, Ben lingered in the kitchen, rinsing his coffee mug for the third time. John leaned against the opposite counter, arms crossed, his eyes following Ben’s every move. He didn’t say anything at first, just waited until Ben finally sighed and set the mug down.

“Alright, babe, spill,” John said, his tone light but laced with curiosity. “You practically stopped breathing when Caleb said Dylan’s name.”

Ben avoided his gaze, fiddling with the sleeves of his sweatshirt. “It’s nothing, okay? We were supposed to go over to Boulder for the game and see him afterward, while Caleb was busy with Sophie. Now he’s coming here.” 

John’s smirk deepened as he leaned against the counter. “Ah, that’s what this is about. Plans got flipped, and now Dylan’s on our turf. And that makes you… what? Nervous?”

Ben shot him a look, his cheeks warming. “I’m not nervous.”

“Sure, you’re not,” John said, stepping closer and tilting his head. “Come on, Benji. It’s not like we haven’t fooled around with Caleb since. Plus, Caleb’s not going to pick up on anything unless you start acting weird.”

“I’m not acting weird,” Ben muttered, but the tightness in his voice said otherwise. He turned back to the sink, gripping the edge. “It’s just…different, okay? Going to the game and hanging out with Dylan there was one thing. In our apartment with Caleb here? It’s close.”

John reached out, sliding an arm around Ben’s waist and pulling him back slightly. “Hey,” he said softly, his lips brushing Ben’s temple. “You’re overthinking this. Dylan’s not coming here to stir things up. He’s coming to help Caleb. And if he’s anything like at the game, he’ll probably play it cool. You’re the only one getting in your head about this.”

Ben sighed, leaning into John’s touch. “I know. But the whole thing keeps replaying in my head. The way he looked at us when we were making out, how it…felt. It was powerful.”

“It was,” John admitted, his voice taking on a reflective tone. “And we had all his stuff on, but it doesn’t have to mean more than what it was. We had fun. It was hot. But you and me?” He turned Ben gently to face him, their eyes meeting. “We’re solid. Always.”

Ben let out a short laugh, his tension softening under John’s steady gaze. “You’re too confident for your own good sometimes, you know that?”

John grinned, leaning in to kiss him lightly. “One of us has to be.”

Ben chuckled, rolling his eyes as John released him. “Fine. But if Dylan starts acting all weird, you’re not allowed to make it worse.”

“Me? Make things worse?” John feigned innocence as he started to help by putting dishes away into the cabinet. “When have I ever done that?”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “Do you want me to list examples alphabetically or chronologically? Let’s start when you first met Evan and asked him how he felt about me never asking him out while still being in the closet in high school?”

John laughed, the sound light and comforting. “Fair. But don’t worry, I’ll behave. Scout’s honor.”

Ben shook his head, but a small smile tugged at his lips. “You were never a Scout.”

“I was a Cub Scout!” John said, grinning, putting away some silverware.

After the four roommates had settled back into the apartment for the evening, Ben couldn’t help but stare as Caleb sauntered around the living room, dramatically stretching his arms over his head as though the evening’s plans required a full warm-up. Caleb’s dark blue Under Armour t-shirt clung to his lanky frame, and his nearly too-short PT shorts left far too much of his pale legs on display. “There’s Dylan!” Caleb finally shouted when he reacted to a buzz from his phone in the kitchen. I’ll bring him right up!”

Moments later, Caleb swung the door open with Dylan in tow. He looked exactly as Ben remembered: Dylan’s tall athletic frame clad in dark gray Under Armour shiny dazzle basketball shorts paired with a classic navy Champion Reverse Weave hoodie. A well-worn black Vans backpack was slung over one of his shoulders. Dylan’s easy grin spread across his face, his eyes sweeping the common room and landing on Ben and John for just a moment too long.

“Hey, guys,” Dylan said, his tone warm and relaxed. “Good to see you again.”

John leaned back into the couch, one arm draped along the backrest toward Ben. “Dylan. Nice to see you, man. Caleb’s been hyping up this setup for days.”

Dylan chuckled, adjusting the strap of his backpack before moving further into the room. “Had to see it for myself. We were talking about it for a while. Our only concern was the limited desk space.”

Caleb called from the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge. “Sit down, Big D. You want a Coke? Energy drink? Dr. Pepper?”

“Coke works,” Dylan replied, sliding his backpack off his shoulder and setting it on the floor in front of the loveseat. Without hesitation, he ignored the empty armchair and dropped into the open spot between Ben and John, leaning back comfortably as if he’d done it a hundred times.

Ben tensed slightly when Dylan’s arm brushed his, but John’s steady fingers against the nape of his neck helped keep him grounded. Dylan cracked open the Coke Caleb placed on the coffee table, taking a sip before turning toward Ben.

“Big D?” John chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s my call sign.” Dylan grinned. “Oh,” he continued, his tone shifting slightly, “I almost forgot.” he reached for his backpack and unzipped the main compartment, pulling out Ben’s neatly folded t-shirt, the navy blue shiny UA shorts, and a pair of blue Puma briefs. “Figured I’d bring these back. I washed them and they’ve been sitting in my room since the game.”

“Uh, thanks,” Ben said quickly, reaching out to take them. His fingers brushed against Dylan’s briefly, and he draped the pile of clothes on the armrest beside him a little too fast. “I can grab your stuff to return, just remind me before you leave.”

“No problem,” Dylan said, his grin easy but his gaze sharp as it lingered on Ben for a second longer than necessary. “Didn’t want you thinking I was gonna start wearing your stuff or anything.”

“Dylan, are you hungry yet?” Caleb asked, holding up his phone as he stood in the living room. “I’m ordering Buffalo Wild Wings. My treat.”

“Wings sound great,” Dylan chimed back. He gestured toward Ben with his drink. “What about you, guys? You cool with wings?”

Ben nodded quickly, still clutching the clothes Dylan had returned under his hand. “Yeah, wings are fine.”

“Perfect.” Caleb nodded and yelled into the bedroom. “JP! Wings! What do you want?”

A muffled reply came back, “Traditional Wings with Parmesan Garlic Sauce.”

Caleb rolled his eyes. “Traditional. Got it.” He tapped at his phone as he finalized the order, muttering to himself. “Okay, wings, wedges, extra ranch because I know you heathens, and…done.”

“Alright, wings are ordered,” Caleb declared, beckoning Dylan to follow him. He gestured dramatically toward his bedroom. “Prepare to be amazed.”

Ben and John exchanged a glance before standing up to trail after them. When they reached Caleb’s room, they found JP perched awkwardly at his desk, earbuds dangling around his neck as he scrolled on his laptop.

JP looked up and grimaced. “Great. More people.”

“Hey, this is a historic moment,” Caleb said, mock-offended as he looked at his desk. “The unveiling of the Kilpatrick Control Tower. You should feel honored.”

“I feel crowded,” JP replied flatly, shutting his laptop. “I’ll find a quiet study nook, just text me when the food gets here, and don’t break anything.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll take good care of your personal space,” Caleb chirped as JP unplugged his laptop and retreated outside. Caleb barely waited for the front door to click shut before turning to Dylan. “Okay, check this out.”

Caleb’s desk was transformed into a sleek, futuristic air traffic control station. The centerpiece was a mechanical RGB keyboard, glowing with a cycling rainbow of colors, paired with a high-precision gaming mouse that matched its backlit aesthetic. Two curved monitors dominated the setup, one displaying a detailed map of virtual airspace, the other showing the Flight Simulator 2020 loading screen. A chunky USB headset hung neatly on the side of one of the monitors.

“Not bad, right?” Caleb asked, beaming with pride as he gestured toward the setup.

Dylan let out a low whistle, stepping closer to take it all in. His tall frame moved with the easy confidence of someone used to being noticed. The navy hoodie he wore hung open at the neck, showing just a hint of his collarbone, while his shiny gray basketball shorts caught the light as he leaned over the desk to inspect the monitors.

“You weren’t kidding,” Dylan said, his voice carrying a note of genuine appreciation. “This is legit the ultimate setup.”

“I told you,” Caleb said, puffing up slightly. “I’ve got it all: dual monitors, peripherals, and the software ready to go. Now I just need you to show me how not to embarrass myself when I actually log in.” Caleb grinned, sliding the chair out and motioning for Dylan to sit down.

Ben and John got comfortable on JP’s bed across the room, trying to keep out of the way. “You’ve never flown before on this, you mean Caleb?” Ben asked.

“I have,” Caleb shrugged. I played around with Flight Sim back during the Pandemic in high school, but haven’t really touched it since then.”

As Dylan took the chair, his long legs folded gracefully beneath the desk, and he adjusted the headset with practiced ease. His fingers moved with precision across the keyboard, their quickness mesmerizing. “So aside from creating a downloading and creating a VATSIM account you need CRC, vStrips and vTDLS. Once we get those downloaded, I can log into my VATSIM account and show these boys how we interact with virtual controllers.”

The couple leaned in closer, their interest piqued as Dylan downloaded more programs to the computer. Caleb lingered behind Dylan, a can of Dr. Pepper in one hand, hunched over him. As Caleb observed Dylan in that position, Ben couldn’t resist noticing the definitive lines of what looked like a jockstrap visible beneath Caleb’s PT shorts.

Ben blinked, his focus momentarily slipping from the glowing monitors to the faint, unmistakable lines visible through Caleb’s too-short PT shorts. The cut of fabric peeked through as Caleb leaned forward, watching Dylan silently.

Ben’s thoughts scrambled as he caught himself staring. Seriously? First Dylan and now Caleb! Focus, Ben, he scolded silently, grasping to hold John’s hand and forcing himself to look back at the screens. But the sight lingered at the edge of his mind like a blinking notification, impossible to completely ignore, and he nudged John to take notice as well.

So,” Dylan began, his voice calm and confident, “For this, I’m flying from DEN. Let’s see if there’s a controller online.” 

He navigated through the interface, his fingers moving effortlessly across Caleb’s keyboard. On the left screen, a live map of the Denver airspace appeared, populated with a few virtual planes. Dylan selected an A320 for his flight, setting up a flight plan from Denver to Colorado Springs.

“Alright,” Dylan exclaimed, clicking into the communication interface. “Flight plan’s filed. Now we check in. Good Evening, Denver, United 5308, looking for IFR over to Colorado Springs.”

The response came back immediately, the controller sounding not much older than them. “United 5308, Denver Tower, clearance on your request, standby.”  The controller paused for what couldn’t have been more than a minute, then came back. “United 5308,  I have clearance, advise ready to copy.”

Caleb handed a pen and a notepad as Dylan replied back. “United 5308 ready to copy.”

“United 5308, you’re cleared to Colorado Springs via the Denver 2 Departure, radar vectors to LUFSE then as filed. Maintain one zero thousand, expect one one thousand one zero minutes, departure frequencies with Denver Center on 127.65, squawk 5107. Read back when ready.”

Dylan quickly jotted down the clearance instructions, and he opened the other screen to a navigational map of Denver airspace. “Okay, let me read that back,” he muttered, glancing down at the notepad Caleb handed him. He toggled the mic and replied in a calm, measured tone to the instructions the controller had just given him.

The controller responded almost immediately. “United 5308, readback correct. Contact ground on 121.8 when ready.”

Dylan toggled the mic off and turned slightly, glancing at the three guys behind him. “And that’s how you get clearance on VATSIM.”

Ben and John exchanged a look, visibly impressed. John leaned forward slightly, his elbows resting on his knees. “That was…impressive. You got all that information in, what, like ten seconds?”

Dylan shrugged, a small grin forming at the corner of his mouth. “You get used to it. It’s mostly about knowing the format. Once you know what to expect, it’s just plugging in the right pieces.”

Ben nodded, his curiosity piqued, despite his earlier doubts. “What’s next? Do you fly the plane?”

“Not quite yet,” Dylan said, adjusting his headset. “Now I’ve got to get to the runway with taxi clearance. This is where things start to get hectic if the airport’s busy.”

Caleb chuckled in bemusement, then his phone buzzed on the desk. “Wings are here!” He shouted and exited the room.

Dylan toggled to the ground frequency and made the call. “Denver Ground, United 5308, at Gate Bravo nine zero, requesting pushback and start.”

The reply came back quickly, the controller’s voice crisp and professional. “United 5308, push and start approved. Facing east.”

Dylan repeated the instructions as required, then toggled off the mic.

As the virtual plane on the screen began to push back from the gate, Dylan switched to an exterior camera view, giving everyone in the room a perfect look at the movement. The sleek United Airbus eased onto the tarmac, its engines slowly spooling up in preparation for taxi.

“Now this,” Dylan said with a smile, “is where the fun begins. Taxiing at a huge airport like DEN is basically like joining the dots. You have to follow the taxiways exactly as instructed, or the controller gets annoyed real fast.”

Ben smirked. “So you can’t take any wrong turns?”

“Not if you want to avoid getting yelled at or even kicked off the server,” Dylan replied with a laugh. Dylan switched back on his mic. “Denver Ground, United 5308, ready to taxi.”

The reply came promptly. “United 5308, taxi to runway 8 via Foxtrot and Echo. Hold short at 8.” Dylan repeated the directions, deftly steering the plane away from the apron as he spoke.

The room quieted as the couple watched the screen, the virtual airport bustling with other aircraft taxiing to their assigned runways and even ground vehicles driving around. Dylan’s focus was unwavering as he guided the plane into position.

“Denver Tower, United 5308, ready for departure, runway 8,” Dylan called once the plane was in position.

“United 5308, Denver Tower, cleared for takeoff, runway 8. Wind 200 at 10.”

“Cleared for takeoff, runway 8, United 5308,” Dylan repeated, pushing the throttle forward. The A320 surged down the runway, the rumble of its engines filling the room through the speakers and subwoofer. Onscreen, the plane lifted smoothly into the air, banking gently as it climbed.

As the plane gained altitude, Dylan keyed the mic. “Denver Tower, United 5308, airborne.”

The controller’s voice came back quickly. “United 5308, contact Denver Departure on 127.65. Good evening.”

“Over to Departure, United 5308,” Dylan replied, switching frequencies. “Denver Departure, United 5308, passing four thousand for one zero thousand.”

“United 5308, Denver Departure, radar contact. Climb and maintain one-two thousand,” the controller said.

Dylan acknowledged, inputting the altitude into the autopilot. The plane leveled out as it reached the assigned height, gliding smoothly through the virtual sky. As the plane quieted down, they all heard both Caleb and JP re-enter the apartment, outside the bedroom.

Finally, Dylan made one last request. “Denver Departure, United 5308, request to leave the frequency for five minutes.”

The controller’s tone shifted slightly, lighthearted but professional. “United 5308, approved as requested. Just let us know when you’re back.”

John let out a soft whistle, clearly impressed. “Alright, I’ll admit, that was pretty cool. It was like we were really in the cockpit.”

“Pretty cool?” Caleb exclaimed as he re-entered the room, balancing a tray of wings and dipping sauces. “That was freaking awesome. I can’t wait to be on the other end of that.”

Dylan smirked, setting the plane to autopilot and then getting up to take a wing from the tray Caleb set down on JP’s desk. 

“Shoot, one of these is JP’s,” Caleb took the Parmesan sauce to deliver to JP, who was eating by himself at the kitchen table.

On his return, Caleb sat back in his chair, one hand reaching for a wing while his eyes remained glued to the glowing monitors in front of him. The plane was on autopilot, and another screen tracked the flight as it flew south toward Colorado Springs. He leaned forward as he chewed, one elbow resting on the desk, his lanky frame hunched in fascination.

Ben and John remained on JP’s bed, idly watching the screens. Dylan had claimed JP’s chair and turned it around to face everyone else. As the minutes passed, the setup hummed quietly, the action of the earlier takeoff replaced by a comfortable lull.

Dylan took a bite of a wing, his long legs stretched out in front of him, the shiny fabric of his shorts catching the light with every subtle shift. His tall body looked slightly out of place in the cramped desk chair, but his casual, model-like posture made the discomfort seem effortless. Ben’s gaze lingered, drawn to the natural ease with which Dylan commanded the room, even in such an unremarkable setting.

But Ben’s attention waned. Caleb’s posture had shifted, his PT shorts riding up slightly as he leaned over his desk. The distinct lines of his jockstrap straps became visible once again, faint but unmistakable beneath the thin fabric. Ben blinked, his lips twitching as he quickly looked away, but not before catching John’s eye.

John raised an eyebrow, clearly amused as he glanced at Caleb, then back at Ben. Ben made a subtle motion with his hand, pointing toward Caleb while trying to keep his face neutral.

Dylan, oblivious, was scrolling through something on his phone. John leaned forward slightly, catching Dylan’s attention with a small wave. When Dylan looked up, John gestured subtly toward Caleb’s shorts, his grin widening.

Dylan’s gaze followed, his expression shifting as he caught on. His eyebrows shot up slightly, and he smirked, his lips pressing together as though suppressing a laugh. He glanced back at Ben and John, giving a barely perceptible shake of his head as if to say, Really?

Ben shrugged, biting his lower lip to keep from laughing outright. John, less reserved, snorted softly, earning a quick turnaround from Caleb.

“What’s so funny?” Caleb asked, his mouth half-full as he reached for another wing.

“Nothing,” John said quickly, his tone overly innocent. “Just enjoying the show.”

Caleb raised an eyebrow but shrugged it off, returning his focus to the screen. “Good. I thought you were about to mock my piloting skills.”

John rolled his eyes. It was obvious even to Ben and John that the plane was flying itself, and Caleb was too busy eating to do anything to control it.

“So Dylan,” Caleb asked, his voice edged with anticipation as he wiped his sticky fingers with a napkin. “Now that I’ve got all this set up, how soon can I actually start being a controller?”

Dylan glanced up from his wings, smirking faintly. “Let me check the VATUSA page.” He unlocked his phone and began scrolling, the glow from the screen lighting his face.

“How much longer are you going to be?” JP poked his head into the room, clearly trying to ignore the mess on his desk.

Caleb looked at the tracking screen. “Probably another 45 minutes to an hour, flight time says ETA 32 minutes,” he replied.

JP sighed, hefting his laptop under one arm. “Fine. I’ll head back to the study nook. Thanks for dinner, Caleb.” He disappeared out of the apartment with a click of the door.

Dylan’s grin widened as he looked back up. “So… I might have some bad news.”

Caleb froze his earlier excitement, dimming. “What now?”

“Well,” Dylan began, his tone deliberately slow, “you have to pass the Basic ATC/S1 Exam first. After that, you need to join a facility. And,” he paused for dramatic effect, “the Denver ARCC has a waiting list for their training pipeline. Six months, minimum.”

“Six months?” Caleb’s face fell, his voice rising in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? I just dropped all this money on the ultimate setup, and I can’t even use it properly for half a year?”

Dylan laughed softly. “Well, I might have a workaround.” He scrolled back through his phone, holding Caleb’s attention like a lifeline.

Caleb leaned forward, almost desperate. “Yeah? What is it? Apply to be a controller in, like, Alaska or something?”

“No,” Dylan said, looking up with a gleam in his eye. “One of my old Civil Air Patrol instructors is a trainer for Denver ARCC. I might be able to convince him to take you on sooner.” He leaned back in the chair, his grin turning sly. “For a price.”

Caleb blinked, chuckling nervously. “What kind of price? They’re taking bribes now? I guess everyone’s corrupt these days, even virtual volunteers.”

“I don’t mean for Major Cooper.” Dylan’s tone shifted slightly, his smirk deepening as he leaned back in the chair, pulling up his hoodie just enough to reveal the thick waistband of his shiny silver basketball shorts. “I mean from you, to me.”

The room fell silent, Dylan’s words hanging in the air. Caleb blinked, caught between amusement and confusion. “Wait, what?” he asked, his laughter tapering off as he straightened in his chair.

Ben and John exchanged a nervous glance, both unsure if Dylan was joking or serious. Dylan’s grin widened, his relaxed demeanor radiating confidence as he leaned further back into the chair, letting his hoodie ride up just enough to emphasize the playful swagger in his stance. Finally, Dylan spoke again. “Well, you’ve been teasing us all by showing that jock strap of yours under those PT shorts all night. I’ve never seen you wear something like that at the Detachment, and well, you’ve been making Ben blush all night.”

Caleb stood up abruptly, knocking his chair back a few inches. “I wasn’t—what do you mean I’ve been teasing? I just threw these on after class.” He tugged at the hem of his shorts in an attempt to smooth them out, though it only seemed to draw more attention to the lines Dylan had pointed out.

“Well, Ben was the last one to feel this inside him.” Dylan sighed as he adjusted himself through the fabric of his dazzle shorts. “I’ve been hoping to see more of you, Caleb, for a while. You’re cute when you’re flustered.”

“What the hell, Dylan? You’re seriously into guys?” Caleb stammered. “When did you get with Ben to…..Oh my God…You watched John?” The room was thick with tension as Caleb’s words struck a chord, his shock evident. He glanced between Dylan, Ben, and John, his mind clearly racing to piece together the implications of what Dylan had just said.

Dylan leaned back again, still grinning but now overseeing Caleb. “Yeah, I am. Don’t exactly wear it on my sleeve, but I try to give the hints when I think something might come out of it.” 

Caleb blinked, his gaze flicking to Ben and John for confirmation. Ben’s face was crimson, his mouth opening and closing as if searching for the right words. John, on the other hand, seemed completely unbothered, leaning casually against the wall with a bemused expression as if trying to keep to his promise to Ben about behaving.

“Yeah, I was there,” John said, his tone light but firm. “And yes, Dylan’s telling the truth. We’ve all hung out after Ben took his shower, in more ways than one, at Dylan’s place, just like we do here at home with you and JP.”

Dylan leaned forward and chuckled. “Oh, so Caleb’s already familiar territory to you and Ben? I’m just the alternate?”

Ben tried to look away from them both, and all John could do was nod in the affirmative.

“So you’re gay, Dylan?” Caleb said, still looking flustered. “If you wanted to fool around with me, Dylan, how come you didn’t drop any hints about it?”

“No, I’m bi like John.” Dylan let out a big sigh. “I’ve just never risked doing it with anyone in ROTC until now, I guess. But Caleb, should you let me do this, I’ll do everything I can to convince him to move you into that training queue.”

“But I’m not into butt stuff.” Caleb hesitated.

“Really, man? You’re wearing that around us would suggest otherwise.” Dylan shook his head.

“You can start with my dildo, Caleb, see how you like that at first,” Ben suggested, trying to break the impasse.

“Fuck, do I even have a choice?” Caleb lamented. “It feels like you guys are all ganging up on me to do this.”

“It’s up to you,” Dylan said, getting up. “But it’s a shame you’re not even gonna give us something more than a little show. Now that John tells me all you roomies are sleeping together, I kinda wish I came out here sooner.”

Dylan leaned forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Tell you what. You say the word, and I drop it. No strings, no hard feelings.” He paused. “But if you’re even a little curious about bottoming… now’s your shot.”

Caleb’s breath hitched. His eyes darted between Dylan’s face, the knowing smirks of Ben and John, and the traitorous heat pooling low in his stomach.

Then, Caleb replied barely audible: “…What would we even do?”

Dylan’s smile was slow, victorious. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.” 

“Alright,” Caleb finally said, his voice low and uncertain. “But seriously, no one, and I mean no one, says a word about this even to JP.”

“Fine! I’ll go get it!” Ben exclaimed excitedly, darting to his bedroom to retrieve the sex toy he and John kept between their beds.

In the meantime, Dylan closed the distance between himself and Caleb, his movements deliberate but unhurried. He reached for the hem of Caleb’s loose Under Armour t-shirt, his fingers brushing the fabric as Caleb’s gaze remained fixed on him, a glint of unease in his expression. With a smooth motion, Dylan lifted the shirt over Caleb’s head, exposing his compact, smooth six-pack abs.

Dylan barely hesitated before moving to Caleb’s PT shorts. Hooking his fingers into the waistband, he tugged them down in one swift motion, leaving Caleb standing there in nothing but a black Nike jockstrap. Caleb’s cheeks flushed as the room fell silent for a moment, the tension palpable.

Not wanting to be left out, John leapt onto Caleb’s bed, sprawling out as Dylan pressed Caleb down onto the mattress. Caleb shifted under Dylan’s weight, the uncertainty in his eyes mingling with reluctant curiosity.

Dylan teased the straps of the jock strap with his fingers then knelt down on the floor. He lifted Caleb’s long legs over his shoulders and buried his face between the straps, licking Caleb’s virgin hole, and working his way to Caleb’s gooch.

“Fuckkkkkk.” Caleb groaned as Dylan masterfully rimmed him, his eyes widened in shock and pleasure as Dylan continued to lick and kiss his intimate areas. Despite his long-held hesitation and reluctance, he found himself becoming increasingly aroused. His body responded instinctively to the sensations, and he felt a mix of fear and excitement. In addition to Dylan’s ministrations, John playfully ran his hands through Caleb’s hair as he awaited Ben’s return.

Finally, Ben entered the room, wearing Dylan’s longer XL royal blue and black Under Armour Pressure shorts. After Ben locked the door behind him, he tossed the dildo onto the bed, followed by the Gun Oil and a condom from Caleb’s bathroom. The sight of these items sent a shiver down Caleb’s spine, but it was no longer one of fear or hesitation. Instead, he felt a sense of anticipation building within him, as if he was on the verge of something he thought he would be a part of.

Ben and John settled on the bed, and John started to undress. The two got into a 69 position as Dylan grabbed the dildo and coated it with a liberal amount of gun oil. Caleb’s eyes widened in surprise as Dylan pressed the dildo into him, the sensation of the Gun Oil-coated toy filling his rectum.

As John pulled the blue Under Armour shorts off Ben, it was revealed he was wearing Dylan’s borrowed gray Nike underwear as well. Dylan couldn’t help but smile that Ben had them on again, even as he was about to return them. He began to move slowly, the dildo gliding in and out of Caleb’s body with a smooth, slick motion.

Caleb gasped, feeling a mix of surprise and pleasure at the sensations vibrating inside  him. He glanced up at Ben and John, who were still lost in their own world, oblivious to what was happening beside them.

John’s eyes flicked up to meet Caleb’s gaze, a look of concern on his face for a moment before he smiled and continued with Ben. “You okay?” he mouthed, his voice barely audible over the sound of their breathing and moaning.

Caleb nodded, feeling the sense of excitement continue to build within him. He looked back at Dylan, who was watching him intently, his eyes burning with desire. “Are you ready for the real thing?” Dylan asked, his hands already reaching for the lone condom.

His heart palpitated as he gazed up at Dylan, his mind racing with the implications of what was about to happen. Caleb had been so caught up in the moment, allowing himself to be led by Dylan’s skilled hands and lips.

Dylan’s eyes locked onto Caleb’s face, his expression intense with desire. “You’re ready,” he said, his voice low and husky. “I can see it.”

Caleb nodded, feeling a sense of trepidation mixed with excitement. He had never done anything like this before, but with his wingmate Dylan, he felt a sense of safety and trust.

Dylan pulled down his shorts and underwear, then reached for the condom. He tore open the package carefully and rolled the condom over his 7-inch cock, his eyes never leaving Caleb’s face.

Ben and John were still lost in their own world, oblivious to what was happening beside them. They were completely absorbed in each other, their moans and gasps filling the air as they continued their intimate connection.

Dylan’s hands closed around the condom, his fingers brushing against Caleb’s inner thighs as he positioned himself for entry. He looked down up at Caleb, his eyes burning with lust. His 7-inch cock pressed against Caleb’s entrance, and for a moment, it  just stayed there, poised on the edge of something new and exciting.

Caleb felt a tremor run through his body as Dylan began to push his fiery rocket inside. It was a slow, gentle motion, but it was still a stretch for him, with the dildo doing little to prepare him. He winced slightly as Dylan’s powerful athletic body pushed into him, but he didn’t pull away.

Dylan took a moment to appreciate the feeling of Caleb’s tightness as he pushed in further, watching his buddy’s face contort in a mix of pleasure and pain. “Damn you’re tight Caleb,” he muutered, his breathing heavy. “But so fucking hot.”

Caleb nodded, his legs shaking slightly as he tried to adjust to the sensation. He reached down to pull the front of the jock away, and started to stroke his cock, the feeling of his hand mingling with the fullness of Dylan inside him. The pressure grew as Dylan pushed in deeper, filling him, and Caleb let out a low moan.

Dylan began to move, his rhythm slow and deliberate, giving Caleb time to adjust. Caleb’s hand moved in time with Dylan’s thrusts, his grip tightening on his exposed shaft as the pleasure grew. The room was filled with the sounds of skin slapping against skin, the occasional squelch of the condom, and everyone’s muffled gasps and moans.

The two of them moved in sync, their bodies connected in a way Caleb had never experienced before. The pressure grew and grew until Dylan reached his peak, his body tensing as he exploded into Caleb with a final, powerful thrust. At the same moment, Caleb felt his orgasm take over, his cock erupting in a hot spray that landed on his chest and stomach.

Ben and John, who had been lost in their passionate exchange, watched the intense moment unfold between the two. They could feel their climaxes approaching as they quickened their pace. John’s mouth tightened around Ben’s cock, and Ben’s hips jerked in response. With a final moan, Ben came, his warmth filling John’s mouth as John’s cock pulsed against Ben’s tongue. The room was thick with the scent of sex and sweat as they all lay there, panting and exhausted.

Out of nowhere, the speakers from Caleb’s computer boomed. “United 5308, Denver Center, we notice you holding over Colorado Springs. Please advise your intentions.”

“Dammit!” Dylan pulled out and ran to the desk to hastily put back on the headset as Caleb, John, and Ben could barely contain their laughter while they recovered on the bed.

“United 5308, Denver Center, you appear to be non-responsive. If you do not reply within the next 2 minutes, we will assume you have stepped away, and your flight may be disconnected from the network.”

Dylan took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. “Ah, sorry about that. I think we had a… technical issue. United 5308, I’m running through some final checks before arrival. Requesting permission to hold for another five minutes.”

“United 5308, Denver Center, Contact Colorado Springs Approach on 124.0 and state your intentions.”

Dylan’s face was still flushed with embarrassment as he toggled the headset again. “Denver Departure, United 5308 switching to Colorado Springs Approach on 124.0,” he said, trying to sound professional despite the awkward situation.

“Does that count as admission to the Mile High Club?” Ben asked jokingly as he sat up while Dylan switched frequencies.

Zach had been laying in bed after a dat of not feeling well talking to his boyfriend Mike who had been having an off day. When the last message Mike sends to Zach says I miss my ex wife.

Zach’s world comes to a giant stop just like when you step on the brake at a high rate of speed. The one thing about Zach is he is a nice guy,. He is 35 years old, has been through a lot in life and he had thought he found the one. But as soon as he read I miss my ex wife you might as well slapped him across the face. Zach went from being nice to being petty in 60 seconds. Zach was going to get revenge and sleep with a younger man. Zach messaged a friend who he had known wanted to sleep with him.

Yo Ryan it’s ,Zach want some head.

Ryan being 33 and had wanted to sleep with Zach since high school was finally going to get his chance. However Ryan knew about Zachs boyfriend well soon to be ex. Ryan thought to him self and said Fucj yes I want head.

Soon Zach and Ryan was at the local budget hotel. Zach face was deep in Ryan’s lap sucking every inch of cock down his throat. Ryan was moaning, rubbish Zachs hair hold his head down and he thunderthrust into the mouth that he always wanted to have. Zach pulled out his phone and recorded it maybe to post on an adult social site or maybe get sent to his boyfriend on accident. 

Ryan could not wait any long and dropped 3 large loads down the back of Zachs throat.

Ryan grabbed Zach threw him on his back got on top and with lust in his eyes he said. “That ass is finally mine. Ryan shoved his hard cock deep into Zach making him scream and purr the camera was no longer visible but it was recording the screen was black but you could hear Ryan destroying Zachs man pussy. This went on for at least a half an hour. And soon Zach was passed out after some of the best sex of his life. However the video did not only get sent to his now ex boyfriend but to other guys he wanted to sleep with. 

Find out what happens next. Does Zach become the cum dump he always wanted to become.

So last night I sweet-talked and massaged Austin into his first fuck of his life and this morning I woke up to another incredible and unbelievable fuck AGAIN. When I saw that Austin was ready to jump out of bed for the gym, I told him I was NOT gonna be the guy to hold him back from all he could be. Even though I could have stayed in that bed and fucked that fucking awesome jock-pussy all day long, I had a lot of things I wanted to get done today. So, as Austin was getting himself ready to leave for the gym I pulled my jeans and shoes on, ran down to the kitchen to grab a some food out the fridge to build up my energy (cuz I was gonna need it), filled my pockets with apples, and headed off to the stable to see Sam and Diablo.

Wow! I don’t know if anybody’s ever felt quite like I did right then. A felt like I had found me a dozen magic lamps, rubbed them all shiny and got one million wishes from the genies of the lamps. The past 24 hours have been nothing but pure magic. Uncle Leon called the folks that were fostering us after our mom and dad died and we didn’t know what to think. He told them that he was sending us first class tickets to come halfway across the country to come live with him. I don’t think I even really knew who Uncle Leon was! I remember dad talking about Leon every once in a while, but it was all real quiet and whispered. It wasn’t anything we talked about as a family. It was more like he was talking about some guilty family secret. Something you just wouldn’t want to talk about when company was around. I don’t know what happened between my dad and uncle Leon but they sure didn’t act like brothers anymore and not even like they had ever even really knew each other.

Here we were now. Living on this giant ranch. We went from having pretty much nothing except some friends of our folks we didn’t really know and now we had people cooking for us, cleaning up after us, a workout coach, a stable with horses… and Austin!

Austin!

Austin was probably the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. My mama would have said he was as pretty as a speckled pup… Sure, I like white boys, but I never seen anything like Austin! I think the first thing I said to him was, “You smell good!” I remember Victor punched me and told me to stop embarrassing them. But Austin does smell good. And he smells even better when you fuck him.

The thing about Austin is that you just have to fuck him and if you fuck him you just can’t help but love him. He gets so happy and so squirmy and his eyes roll back in his head and he’s licking his fingertips and he’s cooing and mewling and moaning! I never met a boy who loved getting fucked as much as Austin does! And he’s insatiable with a capital “I” for insatiable!

When I gave him his massage (was that just last night?), I wasn’t sure what was gonna happen at all. I mean, I hoped I knew what was going to happen… But that’s all it was–hoping! He could just have easily told me to go fuck off and get out of his room! But he didn’t.

When I helped him from the steam shower into the tub and felt him melt against me like a big old blob of soft, smooth muscle packed into this jock-pussy, I knew he was gonna love what I wanted to do to him! And when I slipped into the tub behind him to keep him from doing a Whitney Houston on me, and I felt him all slippery and smooth with those Austin smells just wafting up. I knew that this boy was gonna love having someone making love to him! And that’s what I felt like I was doing! I wasn’t just fucking this white boy! I was making love to this beautiful blue-eyed Adonis! You know what he looks like? He is something you’d see in a Calvin Klein commercial or something an artist couldn’t even imagine was real! He looks like every beautiful man that you have ever seen rolled up into a tidy little bundle of muscle and sex!

And after I fucked him three times, I could tell he was looking for more! So that’s when I called in the twins! I knew they were looking for me to break the ice! They always did. They were elbowing me and whispering to me and nudging me all the way into the house. I know what those boys are looking for and I know just what they wanted me to do for them. I’m the sweet little brother that, nobody thinks twice about. But I’ve got my ways. I think everybody underestimates what ‘Breeze’ can do when he puts his mind to it! So when I texted the twins, all I needed to say was, “Ready!“ Because Austin was ready… he was way ready. He was open, and wet, and smooth, and tight, and was smelling like I don’t know what… Pure sex! What does pure sex smell like? Last night it smelled like Austin! I could get hard as a fuckin’ rock right now just thinking about how he smells when someone is fucking him.

But here is what is even more awesome… ever since we started fucking him last night, that’s what he smells like ALL the time! First of all, I’m surprised that I’m the first one to play with his pussy and fuck him. You can tell from a hundred feet that is what he needs! I’m surprised that everyone he has ever met isn’t just ripping his clothes off him, throwing him to the ground and fucking him not-stop! Because that’s all you can think of when you’re with him! This boy wants to get fucked and you got to fuck him! Everybody is going to want to fuck him! Everybody is gonna NEED to fuck him! Because this boy has been special-made by the universe to be fucked!!

Riding Diablo yesterday was probably one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life! Who would’ve thunk I would’ve ever thought riding a horse was something cool! A horse! What do I know from a horse! But, Diablo was so sweet and it was so much fun! Plus it was Austin’s horse… Austin’s ass and thighs were wrapped around the saddle I was on and it was enough to have me wanting to sniff the leather! Yeah, my butt and thighs were a little sore today, but no sorer than if I’d had a tough leg day at the gym!

My main goal today was to get a good feel about where we were living. We drove into the property through the main gate and drove up to the house. I have no idea how big this place is! I think it’s really big! And today I’m gonna find out just how big it is. But, I also want to find out who else lives around here. Because, my second goal of today is to find some guys to fuck my Austin! Nobody as beautiful, as Austin–who loves to get fucked as much as Austin does–should ever have to go around and look for dick, he should have guys standing in line! I’m not talking about trolls or toads…  he should get nothin’ but beautiful, hung, masculine men looking to get a piece of that jock pussy! Nothing but men who are up to the task to fuck him as much as he deserves to get fucked!

Don’t get me wrong! I can be a jealous guy and I can be all that green-eyed monster shit! But I learned a long time ago that guys are guys and it doesn’t make a difference how much you love someone or how much you want someone to love you: a hard dick and a warm hole is something every good man needs and sex is sex… I intend to get Austin everything he needs and deserves! Miles of fucking iron hard dick for my jock-pussy boy

I devoured my bacon sandwich and went into the stable with my pockets, bulging with apples to find Sam in the stall with Diablo. I told Sam yesterday that I was planning on being here in the morning, but I had no idea that he would have Diablo already for me so early. I wonder if he saw me coming down the path to the stables, because the blanket was on Diablo and he was getting ready to throw the saddle up there! I said to him, “Sam, let me do that. You know I gotta learn how to do this. I mean, I love that you’ll do this for me, but I gotta earn my way here! Don’t forget you gotta put me to work! I’ll feed the horses and clean out the stalls and whatever I have to do!“

“You’re a good boy Breeze,“ Sam said, handing the saddle to me and patting me on the back. I could tell he was looking at me out of the corner of his eye as I grabbed the saddle from him and walked up to Diablo to throw it onto him.  “So,“ he said with a smirk in his voice. “What do you think of our boy Austin?“

I could feel myself flushing a little bit. What did I think of Austin? Can I tell him it was love at first sight? The hottest dude I’ve ever fucked? One of the prettiest men I’ve ever met in my life? “He, hmmm, ummm, is really cool!? He’s gonna be my best friend, I think…  I never met anyone like him. He is so… I don’t know… he is so, sweet and nice! I mean, you ever noticed how good he smells?“

Sam started to laugh and slapped his leg “Yep! He’s been getting’ that smell on him for a few years now! He smells like his daddy did when he was his age. Someday, when you’re walking past Austin‘s daddy, you just take a nice deep whiff of him! You come tell me what you think!”

I smiled at Sam. Sam got a real serious look on his face and pointed his finger at me. “ I love that boy, Breeze! I would take a bullet for that boy do you hear me? Listen to me a second… I don’t know what I would do if anybody broke that boys heart or hurt him somehow, you know what I mean, Breeze?“

“I do know what you mean, Sam! I know this boy for less than a day and I think I feel the same way!  That boy has something special! He made me feel like he’s my brother! ! But I can tell how innocent he is and I can tell how naïve he is! And that’s the kind of combination that some bad man’s gonna come along and hurt. But, Sam, hear me when I tell you… no one is gonna ever hurt that boy while I’m around!“

Sam slapped me on the back and said, “I believe you, Breeze!“ Sam helped me up on the saddle, and I took the bridle from him.

“Sam, tell me about this place. I wanna ride around, but I got no idea where I’m going. I mean, how big is this place? Who all lives here on this property? How do I know what’s ranch property and what’s not?“

“Well, Breeze, let’s put it this way: unless you were planning on spending the night out there, you would never make it all around this property before the sunset. This place is big! There are a few people that you could run into here, but not a lot. Just over the rise here you’ll see a barn and farmhouse next to it. That place belongs to open the groundskeeper Lyak and his wife Audra. They got them two boys over there that aren’t a lot older than you or your brothers: Ambrus and Aurus. They all feel the same way about Austin. All of us do. They love him and his daddy.

“Now, if you keep going past their place about an hour or so you’ll run into a big grove of trees with a bunkhouse right next to it. They have a stable set up over there, too. That’s where most of the ranch hands live. We got 10-15 ranch hands there. Now, there is a lot of other guys that are riding around on horseback that you just wanna wave to. They probably won’t wanna talk to you too much. That’s security! Their job is to make sure no nonsense goes on around here. I’m gonna give you a ranch cell phone with a bunch of numbers preset. First speed dial is for security, second speed dial is for the main house, third speed dial is for me. If you run into any trouble, those are the numbers to call. I’m gonna give security a call right now and tell him that you’re out on Diablo so that they don’t think anything wonky is going on, OK?“ Sam said looking up at me squinting his eyes. “These guys are no nonsense. They see you riding around on Austin‘s horse, and they are going to wonder what’s going on. Hear me? So when you see them, just give them a wave, like ‘hey how are you doing?’ OK? If you need them, you hit speed dial one and they will find you no matter where you are.“

“Got it,” I said. How many ranch hands over at the bunkhouse? Are they all like young cowboy types are they been here all there life?“

“Not sure maybe 10? 15? It changes depending on the time of year. They are all pretty young. Cal is the guy who runs the place. He and me are about the same age as Austin’s daddy. We all grew up together here on the ranch. All young punks getting into trouble together…” Sam said with a smile on his face

I took up the bridle and nudged Diablo around the ring a few times just to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything since yesterday. Sam gave me a couple more pointers, walked over to the gate, opened it up And said, “Have a good time, Breeze. Let me know if you run into any trouble. I’m sure everyone at the house is going to expect you up there for lunch, so don’t forget. OK? And by the way, you gonna need a hat out there! You can’t go riding around in the sun without a hat! Here, use this one,“ he said, tossing a big straw brimmed Stetson my way.

I kneed Diablo forward. We started up the little rise behind the stable over the hill to see what I could see. I didn’t get too far when I saw the red barn set a ways back from the stables with a little white farmhouse next to it. Pretty. Real pretty. I just took my time and riding up to the barn and saw two guys, giving me a look. You know the kind of look I mean. The kind of look that was saying, ‘What the hell you doing on Austin’s horse? I knew who these guys were right away: Ambrus and Arbus.

These guys were fucking hot! Big, bruising, wide shouldered, narrow hipped studs! They emanated BIG DICK energy. Sam said these boys loved Austin. I wonder how much they loved Austin? I wonder how much they would want to love Austin if they knew Austin like I knew Austin?

I rode up to them and tipped my hat (I felt like a cowboy tipping my hat) one of them said, “You one of the folks coming to live at the ranch? Austin know you on his horse?“ Their arms were crossed across their chest. These were two guys you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley. But, they had these great accents! They sounded like Russian bad-guys from a movie!

“I’m Breeze,“ I said to them as I pulled my horse up next to them.

“So you one of those kinfolk of Leon that moved up into the house yesterday?“ the other brother asked me.

“Yup,” I said, as I jumped off Diablo, holding his bridle in my hand “it’s me, my twin brothers Viktor and Valor, and my older brother, Vincent. I guess we’re all moved in now.” The two brothers introduced themselves to me. We stood there, staring at each other measuring each other up. All three of us looking up and down and checking out how big each other’s packages were. I couldn’t tell who was bigger, me or them, but we were all getting bigger as we stood there staring at each other.

“We all got in yesterday afternoon. We have been getting to know everyone and we had a lot of fun last night with Austin,“ I said, raising my eyebrows. “A LOT of fun!“ I could feel my dick starting to twitch in my pants, the brothers noticed that too.

“ So,” Ambrose said, “you all had fun with Austin last night? Like in all four of you had fun with Austin last night?“

“Well,“ I said, cocking my head to one side, “three of us had a lot of fun with Austin last night. My older brother, Vincent, had been working out in the gym earlier with Buddy? You guys know, Buddy?“ They both had big grins on their faces as they nodded their heads.

“Yeah!” Arbus said smiling. “We both know, buddy real good. We both have had a lot of fun with Buddy. Sometimes I have a lot of fun with buddy. Sometimes my brother here has a lot of fun with buddy. And sometimes we both have a lot of fun with buddy. Know what I mean?“

I nodded my head. “I do know what you mean,“ I said to them with a bigger smile on my face and my dick snaking down my leg. “Well, Vincent got done having fun with Buddy last night, and I think he was tired. Anyway, The other three of us had a lot of fun with Austin last night. I think it was the first time Austin had that much fun with a guy, much less three guys…“ I was nodding my head and smiling “but I do know now that Austin sure wishes he had been having a lot of fun with other guys before we got met him. You know what I mean?“

Both brothers were nodding their head and smiling real big. They had to be going commando. Their dicks were stretchin’ out their denim headin’ to bust a seam! I could see every vein and bend.

“So guys,“ I said to the brothers as I was handling my own dick with my hand, smoothin’ over my jeans, “I made a promise to Austin last night and then again this morning that I would make sure that he could have fun anytime he wanted to. Austin told me that he had never had fun before last night. He might’ve had fun by himself, but he’s living out here by himself and I know he never had fun like he had with the three of us last night. That’s why I made that promise.  You would not believe how much fun he had! I bet he had fun at least seven or eight times. I guess he’s never had anyone come up to him and say ‘Hey, Austin, let’s have some fun!’ That’s what I did that last night! Austin was having so much fun, he wouldn’t let three of us stop!”

We were all looking at each other and nodding our heads and trying to decide what we were going to do next. “So guys,“ I said to them with a real serious look on my face “you guys wanna help Austin have as much fun as he deserves to have? And if so, you ready to show me that you’re special enough to have fun with Austin? You see, I could measure how much fun Austin was having last night. And I brought my measuring stick with me, to make sure that if I ran into some guys that looked special enough, I could measure to see if they were special enough… Should we step into the barn?”

I first met Brian at try outs for the Nutcracker. I danced with a ballet company of over fifty girls and was used to being the only guy. The company always needed to hire other professional dancers to fill in the other parts. But for once when I got to the studio, there was another guy there. He was wearing a letterman jacket for football and flirting with Kristen, one of the girls who had a good shot at being the lead that year. At first, I thought maybe he was just her boyfriend, come to wish her good luck, but then the instructors introduced him to me. Brian had sandy brown hair and blue eyes, and I could immediately see the appeal. He shook my hand, and then went in for a fist bump.

“Nice to meet you little man.”

I nodded. “Likewise.”

“Brian here is going to be auditioning with us.” Mrs. Bern was the head instructor of our company, and the woman in charge of casting everything, said. “I’m going to have the two of you work together with the girls.”

“Sure.”

Mrs. Bern nodded and stalked off to the to the other side of the room to address a couple of the younger girls. 

“Man,” Brian grinned. “Got to be nice for you hanging around these girls all the time right?” 

Brian had apparently not gotten the memo I was gay yet, so I just smiled and nodded. My interest in the girls in the company was strictly platonic, but I was good friends with a lot of them. Brian’s gaze was already drifting back across the room to Kristen. She was talking to some of her friends and pulling off her warmup gear, leaving her just in a leotard and tights. She spotted Brian looking and winked. She apparently missed the fact though that Brian’s eyes were roving over several of the other girls too.

I tried not to roll my eyes. Typical jock. “So, what made you want to try ballet?” I asked, already feeling like I had a pretty good idea.

“Oh,” Brian tore his eyes away from Kristen and her friend and smiled again. He really was cute. “Football actually.” He pointed to his letterman jacket. “Coach was talking about how it could be good for improving footwork. And then Kristen told me about these auditions…” 

At that point Mrs. Bern was clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention and get things started. I didn’t think too much about Brian’s presence again, beyond enjoying a bit of new eye candy. He wasn’t up to any real dancing yet, but he moved pretty well and was able to lift the girls for some of the bigger moves which Mrs. Bern liked. Brian didn’t have any real ballet clothes yet, so he just wore his sweats and a t-shirt throughout the audition.

I didn’t see him again after that until a couple of weeks later when regular ballet classes started up. Brian came bouncing up to see me when I walked up to the studio.

“Hey, little man! Good to see you.”

“Hey.” I smiled back. “Did you sign up for classes then?”

“Yeah! Kristen talked me into it.” Brian grinned, as in that moment, Kristen waltzed over and spun herself into Brian’s arm. She kissed him quickly on the cheek.

I couldn’t help but grin. Called that. “Good to see you again.”

“Yeah!” Brian grinned. “You’ll have to help show me the ropes. I know I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

“Please.” Kristen laughed. “You’ll be fine.” 

“Alright!” Mrs. Bern called out. “Let’s get things started. Places at the barre everyone.”

I took up my usual spot in the corner, which gave me a nice view of the room. I was just starting my own warm up stretches when Brian took a place at the barre next to Kristen and pulled off his sweatpants.

It was the first time I’d ever seen him in tights. He was wearing the standard black ones Mrs. Bern had guys wear for practice, nothing special, but I still did a double take. His ass was fucking incredible. Thick and sculpted, and leading down to thighs that were bigger than his head. Clearly Brian never skipped leg day. The package in the front of his tights looked less impressive, but maybe he was just a grower and not as much of a shower.

I was a little distracted for the rest of class sneaking peaks at Brian’s ass when I got the chance. I was actually surprised by how well Brian was doing. He caught on to the steps and different techniques pretty quickly. Weirdly though, I kept catching Brian looking at me. Half the time when I would sneak at glance at Brian’s ass, I’d see him quickly looking away from me.

Parts for the Nutcracker got posted a week or two later. Brain got to be the Nutcracker prince. I wasn’t surprised. I was still pretty young for the role, and would have looked kind of silly and short next to some of the senior girls in their pointe shoes. Plus, Brian was better equipped at that point to do the lifts.

Kristen did wind up getting cast as Clara, the female lead. She and Brian were still constantly flirting with each other in class and rehearsal. They clearly liked each other and had gone out several times but it seemed like things were progressing slowly there. Still, their mutual attraction added to their chemistry dancing, so it worked well overall.

Rehearsals got longer and longer as we got closer to the performances in December. Brian was still friendly enough, but he always treated me like a kid, even though I’d been with the ballet company for so much longer. I was always “little man” or “little bro”. It got on my nerves, but I never confronted him about it. I figured that was just his jock attitude carrying over. I was perving on his ass, so I guessed in the end we were even.

The night of the first costumed rehearsal things took a turn though. As the only two guys in the company, Brian and I shared a dressing room. I went on before Brian in Act 1, so I had to get changed first. Brian was just playing on his phone, but when I pulled off my warm up tights to get into costume, I caught Brian staring at my dick.

“Uh-“ I frowned. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” Brian flushed bright red. I figured between the two of us he’d more chill about changing in front of another guy, being used to the football locker room. But he looked suddenly uncomfortable. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them.

“Okay…” I finished pulling on my costume. Brian was looking anywhere but at me, his head hung down over his lap. “Later then I guess…” 

Brian grunted. His costume was still wrapped up on the rack. 

My part in Act 1 went by easily enough. When I was done, I’d sometimes wait in the wings and watch other parts of the show. That night, I was curious to see what Brian’s costume would look like so, I hung around. The company had designed a new one for him, since the last Nutcracker they’d hired had brough his own. I was on the opposite wing from Brian’s entrance, so I didn’t see him before he went on. But in the dim light before the reveal, I could just make out Brian crouching behind the dad who’d been signed up to play Drosselmeyer, looking nervous. The music swelled on cue, and Drosselmeyer’s cape was pulled away, revealing Brian.

Brian stood center stage, every light pointing at him, in front of the whole ballet company. The top part of his costume was nice enough, it was a white tunic of sorts that hugged his arms and showed off his muscles nicely. There was some gold and blue embroidery across it, clearly trying to evoke some sort of military dress, and gold shoulder epaulettes. But that wasn’t what caught everyone’s attention.

The costumer had put Brian in the snuggest white tights I’d ever seen. Football pants had nothing on these. They were perfectly molded to every muscle and curve of his legs. They also, through some fluke of the material and the lights, were virtually see through. Like in a lot of sports, in ballet guys have to basically wear a jock strap under their tights to keep everything secure. Brian’s jock was bright white too, and now clearly visible to everyone. Brian might as well have not even been wearing tights.

His ass had never looked better. The tights clung to the thick muscles like a second skin. You could perfectly see the cleft of his ass and the jock running up his crack. I was even able to spot two small dimples Brian had right above his ass cheeks. The front of the tights though, wasn’t doing Brian any favors. The line of his cock was clearly visible through his jock and tights. Brian was already eighteen, and always carrying himself with the classic alpha jock energy. His cock though, was two inches soft. At most. My thumb looked bigger. Even if Brian was a grower and not a shower, there was no way he’d want everyone seeing his cock like that.

It was clear immediately too, that Brian knew what was happening. His face got bright red. Against the white of his costume it stood out as much as-well, as much as his cock didn’t. Backstage always has to stay quiet, but as everyone watched Brian standing on stage, practically naked, it was an entirely different kind of quiet. Kristen was on stage, and definitely wasn’t smiling Clara’s happy surprise like she normally would be. Instead, she looked almost like she’d suddenly got a whiff of some bad fish, surprised and clearly off put.

Brian didn’t even have the option to get off stage. After his big entrance he had three whole scenes he had to dance before he could leave. Kristen reluctantly took his hand, and together they started their first dance. As the music picked up and got a little louder again people were clearly whispering, and I saw more than one girl pointing at Brian‘s crotch. 

I watched as Brian flubbed the first few steps of his dance with Kristen, clearly rattled. But eventually he seemed to find his rhythm again. His face was still red with embarrassment. He knew he was giving everyone a show, and there was nothing he could do about it.

The longer Brian had to dance under the hot stage lights, the worse the situation became for him. Brian started sweating hard. His sweat turned the already sheer tights completely translucent. That would have been bad enough, but Brain’s white jock strap was becoming just as see through. Every time the lights would hit him anyone watching got an unobstructed view of his cock. He was cut, and his cock had a pretty wide head, especially for its short length.

People were really whispering now. Word had clearly gotten out too. I saw girls who didn’t have to be on stage for over half an hour yet lining up in the wings to watch. Between all the cast members and the tech crews, there were easily forty people watching Brian dance around on stage virtually naked.

Just when I was sure Brian’s humiliation couldn’t get any worse, it did. Dancing on stage, already showing everyone his cock, Brian got hard. It took me a minute to notice, because frankly there wasn’t much difference. But sure enough, Brian’s cock was filling out to its full length, straining against the barely there tights. Completely hard, Brian’s cock was maybe four inches long. I was almost six years younger than him, and I already had a bigger dick.

I saw Brian look desperately between his hard cock and the wings of the stage. His face was burning up, and I swear I could see his eyes watering. He was clearly mortified, but Brian powered through the last ten minutes or so of his dance. But as humiliated as he looked, his cock didn’t get soft once.

The minute Brian was able to, he ran off the stage and disappeared backstage. I thought about going after him to say something, but I had to ready for my own entrance. I was busy enough with my own dancing that I didn’t think much about Brian’s situation after that. Although I noticed that after we paused to run a practice intermission that for Act 2 someone has given Brian a thicker pair of gray tights to wear over his white ones. They kept things firmly opaque, and with the extra padding were a little more forgiving with Brian’s dick size.

Some guys will swear up and down that cock size doesn’t matter, but that’s just not true. Guys notice it. It’s like something primal, they just can’t help themselves, seeing how they measure up. By the end of the dress rehearsal, I was torn. On the one hand, I did feel a little bad for Brian. Brian was clearly embarrassed, but he’d also clearly gotten off on everyone seeing him like that. But the less sympathetic part of my brain was just chaffing even more at the way he’d constantly patronize me. Talking down to me like he was the bigger man when the whole ballet company had just seen he wasn’t.

When I got back to our makeshift dressing room at the end of the night, I still hadn’t made up my mind what I was going to say. I’d gotten back before Brian, and was already chagrining when he came in. Brian pulled off his shirt, then hesitated, walking around in his tights. 

I sighed. “Hey, so about tonight-”  

“Fuck off little man.” Brian growled.

“Don’t call me that.” I grumbled. “Look, I’m just trying to say I’m sorry you had a bad night-“ 

“I said fuck off.” Brian snapped. “Whatever you think, I don’t need some kid bugging the crap out of me alright? Just do what you’re told.”

“Yeah?” Whatever sympathy I’d had for Brian rapidly evaporated. I nodded down at his crotch. “Nice tights you’ve got there Brian.”

Brian stood up quickly, seething. He grabbed my shoulder, and seemed a little surprised when I didn’t immediately back down. He eyes dropped from my face down to my crotch. I was standing in just my tights, and I watched his face heat up again. 

And that’s when I realized, we both knew now that I had a bigger cock than he did. And Brian couldn’t stop looking at it.

“Go.” Brian tightened his grip on my shoulder and pointed to the far corner of the prop room. “Go over there…and-and just think about what you said!”

I took a step over in that direction, more taken aback by Brian’s reaction than anything else. He looked like he was on the verge of tears again. And he kept glancing down at my dick…Like now that he knew he couldn’t avoid it.

Brian grabbed his things and slunk off into the rows of props, going to the darkest, farthest corner of the room to change out of his tights.

I finished stripping out of my own costume. Part of me was tempted to wait in the dressing room until Brian came back out, but I was tired, and it was school night. I still had a couple hours of homework ahead of me later, and just couldn’t muster up the patience.

The next night, Brian ignored me. He did the classic guy head nod when he got to the stage, and in total maybe spoke five words to me all night. The costumer had kept the gray tights with Brian’s costume, and Brian seemed desperate to make things get back to normal. About a week after the show wrapped though, Kristen formally broke things off Brian. Apparently, she’d seen enough to decide she wasn’t interested any longer.

After the Nutcracker incident, Brian and I still danced together for the rest of the year until he graduated. Brian threw himself into ballet full swing. During winter and spring break he got help from the instructors to get into some pretty exclusive dance camps, and in the summer before he started college he went to another one. Brian and I were cordial, but after that night our relationship had changed and we both knew it.

When Brian graduated, I didn’t see or hear anything from him for several years. Some college students would stop by the ballet company when they were home on break, but Brian never did. I heard through Mrs. Bern that he apparently was choosing to major in dance, but that was all I knew about him for about six years.

When my own senior year of high school rolled around, the company was yet again preparing to put on the Nutcracker. I’d been cast in the titular role virtually by default, but I was having fun trying to make it my own.

As it turned out though, costuming was again a bit of an issue. Two weeks before opening night, I was pulled aside by Mrs. Bern. She told me, dancing around the topic with all the awkwardness of an older women who didn’t frequently have to deal with guys, that they needed to make some adjustments to the costume I’d been fitted for. Next thing I knew I had two extra layers of tights thrust on me. Mrs. Bern and the costumer made me wear three pairs of tights, one over the other, to smooth things out.

Flattering as it might have been, it was also a huge pain. The added layers of tights were incredibly warm at the best of times, and got stifling under the hot stage lights. They were more restrictive too, making each step and jump just a little harder than it needed to be. Mrs. Bern could probably tell I was getting frustrated. She kept telling me everything looked great, and promised a fun surprise when we got into the final tech week of rehearsals.

The first day of tech week I was in the auditorium in costume, warming up, when I was suddenly greeted by a loud, boisterous voice shouting across the auditorium.

“PETER!” Brian ambled over to meet me, a shit eating grin on his face. “How’s it hanging little man?”

For the record, my name’s not Peter. Brian’s dumbass had forgotten my name. Never mind that we’d danced together for a year and a half, and I was literally the only other guy in the company. He looked good though. Brian was just wearing warm up sweats, but I could see his arms were bigger now, and the curve of ass was obvious even in baggier sweats. Still, I was already a little irritated, and the last thing I wanted this week was to have to walk on egg shells around Brian. 

“Not my name Brian.” 

“Oh, uh right.” Brian fumbled. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Mrs. Bern hired me.” Brian smirked. “I’m your professional talent for the second act. Maybe I’ll show you some moves later. You know, now that I’m a big time professional and all.”

“Great.” I really didn’t want to do that.

“Right?” My tone had apparently been lost on Brian. “Oh hey-“ He waved over a woman I didn’t recognize. “This is Kayla. We’re partnering together on this.”

“Hi.” Kayla smiled and stuck her hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” I saw Brian wink at her and fought to not roll my eyes. Of course, he’d be trying to sleep with his new dance partner. Although Kayla must have seen him in tights before, and should have a better idea what she was in for.

The lights flashed, and one of the tech people got on the PA. “Places for Act 1. We are at places for Act 1.”

“Got to go.” I nodded politely to Kayla again and headed backstage.

Rehearsal was a bit of a blur. The nice thing, and the whole point of practicing everything for so long, is that I could basically do the steps on autopilot by that point. Still, I knew I wasn’t performing as well as I could. I was still getting used to the goofiness of my new costume and I was sure it showed.

Brian and Kayla didn’t come on until the second act. Brian was good, there was no question about that. He’d clearly earned his spot in his new professional company. It was also clear to me he was padding his tights. Not so much that he has a massive bulge, but enough that he looked a little better off than he was. Honestly, he looked like Ken doll, his junk being smoothed out into a formless lump. He still hadn’t changed with the other guys though.

Rehearsal wrapped up, and everyone started packing up. Mrs. Bern tracked me down again to say how great she thought the costume was working out, just great. I grit my teeth and rolled with it. But by the time I’d extricated myself from that conversation and got changed back into my normal clothes, it meant almost everyone else had gone home. The lobby lights were clicking off, although the stage ones were still on. I frowned, and poked my head out.

Brian was on the stage, still in his costume, walking thought some of the steps of his dance with Kayla. I didn’t see any sign of Kayla though, and from the stage it was clear no one else was still hanging out in the auditorium. I stopped and watched Brian for a minute. Even just walking through the steps it was clear how much he’d improved…

“You creeping on me little man?” 

I blinked. “What?”

“That’s what I heard some of the girls saying. That you’re gay.” Brian stopped what he was doing and turned around to look at me. Like he was studying me.

“Yeah.” I crossed my arms, starring right back at him. “You have a problem with gay guys Brian? Because I have to tell you, in a professional ballet company, chances are you’ll work with a few.”

“Ease off little man.” Brian grumbled. 

“You know I have a name.” I snapped. “Although apparently you tend to forget it.”

“Jezz.” Brian snorted. “No need to be so sensitive.”

“Really?” I stormed out onto the stage. “I think we both know which one of is really sensitive here. You know,” I looked down at Brian’s crotch pointedly. “Compensating for something.” 

Brian flushed. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really? All the stupid nicknames, your bullshit macho attitude?” I chuckled. “I think we both know who the real little man is here Brian, and it isn’t me.” I walked closer to Brian. I was fed up with him and really not in the mood. I went for the kill. “Does Kayla know you’re hung like a toddler?”

“Shut up!” Brian’s face was red, and his chest was heaving like he was trying to catch his breath.

He was pissed, and looked close to losing it, but I didn’t care anymore. I smiled. “So do you think she’ll dump you like Kristen did when she finds out about little Brian?”

“STOP!” Brian looked like he might swing at me. I was dead even with Brian in height, but he was definitely stronger than me, and in a straight fight he’d inevitably win out.

So, I’d just have to do things a non-straight way.

Guided by a sudden boldness I couldn’t fully explain, I stepped right up in Brian’s face. His eyes went a little wide, unsure what I was doing. I took his hand that he was working into a fist and guided it to the front of my jeans.

“Feel that, Brian?” I asked, running his hand along my bulge. “Feel how much bigger it is than yours? That’s a real fucking cock.”

Brian stood there frozen. His face was pure confusion. He was on the precipice, his brain working in overdrive on what to do next. 

I had no idea where he was going to land. This was either going to work out really well for me, or I’d be black and blue in the morning.

But like I said before, there’s something primal about cock size. Guys can fight it, or try to deny it all they want, but in the end it’s there.

Brian’s hand tightened ever so slightly, squeezing my dick. 

Got him.

“What do you think Brian? Feel bigger?”

Brian actually whimpered, this strangled little noise like he’d tried to hold it back and failed.

“Go ahead.” I encouraged. “Take it out.”

Brian didn’t move. He just kept standing there frozen, his hand on my dick.

I reached for me belt and unhooked it.

“No…” Brian squeezed his eyes shut tight. He started to pull his hand away, but I grabbed his wrist again.

With my other hand I quickly slid my boxers down just enough to pull out my cock. I wrapped Brian’s hand around it, letting him feel the weight of it. 

Brian hissed in surprise, like my dick had burned him, but he didn’t move his hand. I was only half hard, but that still made me longer than Brian. 

“How’s it feel, to have a real cock in your hand Brian?”

Brian shook his head, his eyes still closed.

“Look at it.” I demanded.

Ever so slowly, Brian opened his eyes. They locked onto my cock in his hand, and I watched his eyes get a little wider. 

“Do you like that, Brian? Huh? Like the look of a real dick in your hand? One you can actually feel?”

Brian’s hand was squeezing my dick softly, and I was quickly filling out to full length, going completely hard in his hand. Brian just starred at my cock, fascinated. There was a morbid curiosity there, a hunger for a bigger dick that was wreaking havoc with his mind and sexuality.

I took two steps back, letting the long length of my cock slide through Brian’s hand till it just slipped out of his grip. He tried to reach for it, and I batted his hand away.

“No.”

              Brian blinked. “What-“

“Not yet.” I nodded to Brian’s tights. “C’mon Brian. I’ve showed you mine. And it’s not like I haven’t gotten a good look at it before anyways.”

Brain reached for the waist of his tights, his hands shaking.

“Take that top off too.” I gave my cock a few languid strokes, drawing the motion out, and making sure Brian was watching me. “Give me a show.”

Brian froze, his face darkening.

“Oh come on,” I sighed. “You were doing so well.”

“No.” Brian growled, taking a step back, even though I was already two steps away from him. “I’m not doing that. I’m not gay.”

I barely avoided rolling my eyes. But I knew better than to risk everything unfolding here by doing that. Instead, I tried another tactic. I smiled. “But you love performing Brian.”

Brian frowned. But he stopped moving.

“You’re a performer.” I repeated, driving the point home. “I’ve seen you. You love the idea of people watching you. The attention. I mean hell,” I grinned, “That night your costume flashed everyone your cock you got hard knowing we all could see it. You liked it. Didn’t you?”

Brian didn’t say anything.

“Didn’t you?” I said, raising my voice.

“Yes…”

It was barely a whisper, but that admission was the crack I need to bring all the walls down. 

“Strip for me.”

Brian’s hands were still shaking, but he pulled the top of his costume off over his head. His arms had gotten even more toned, still leaner muscle, but rippling with definition. His entire chest was cut, deep grooves of his v muscles, a perfect six pack of abs, and broad sweeping pecs. In the cool air of the auditorium Brian’s nipples were hardening, two dark red points. His whole chest was completely hairless. I didn’t know if he shaved, or was just naturally smooth but it worked for him.

“Come here.” I pointed to the x of tape on the floor that marked center stage. Brian let his tunic drop and drifted over. “Time for the big reveal.”

Brian swallowed hard. His whole body seemed to be vibrating with energy.

I moved behind him, the same position Brian or I would normally take when partnering with a girl, to help show her off to the audience. I put my hands on Brian’s shoulders and ran them down his chest, feeling up his muscles, and stopping right at his waist. I waited for Brian’s trembling hands to join mine, and watched as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his tights.

“Do it.”

He pulled down his tights and his jock all at once. Brian hunched down to finish pulling them off the ends of his feet and then he stood back up to his full height, that perfect stage posture all dancers learn. 

Brian stood center stage, completely naked. His cock was already rock hard, all four inches of it standing out proudly for anyone to see, pulsing in time with Brian’s racing heartbeat. Like a tiny flagpole fighting for every millimeter it could it get. It was not a cock anybody would want to have for themselves. 

His ass though, that was fucking perfection. Between his years in football and ballet Brian’s ass was all beautifully sculpted, tanned muscle. Plump and toned, I was amazed he could fit it into normal pants without it being obscene. To this day, still easily in the top three asses I’ve ever seen. I reached out, kneading one of Brian’s firm ass cheeks. It had the perfect amount of give, soft at first, but solid muscle at its core. This was the kind of ass tights were made to show off. I slapped his other ass cheek, savoring the sight of it jiggling and pinking up just a bit. Damn, I was going to enjoy tearing this ass up…

“Is this what you want?” I moved closer, letting my cock rest against the cleft of Brian’s amazing ass as I kept feeling him up. “You want to let everyone who comes to see the ballet see all your great muscles and that little baby nub you call a cock?

He whimpered again, and I watched, looking over Brian’s shoulder, as his little cock burped out a huge glob of precum at the idea.

“You’d be a real confidence boost for all the little boys in the audience I bet. Seeing that a big strong jock like you has a smaller cock than them…” I started slowly sliding my cock across the back of Brian’s ass. Not even pushing it between his cheeks, just ghosting it across the surface with a feather light touch. “Nothing like this huh?”

I used my hands on Brian’s waist to turn him towards me, just like I would with a girl I was dancing with. Our cocks collided, smacking against each other. I took my cock and pulled it on top of Brian’s, eclipsing his view of his own cock beneath my greater length and girth. My cock was easily twice the length of Brian’s, and the side by side comparison made his eyes go wide.

“Fuck…” Brian shuddered.

“Go ahead.” I encouraged him. “Touch it. Wrap your hand around a real cock for once.”

I watched Brian struggle for a second, but then he reached out, slowly wrapping his fingers around my cock. He squeezed it gently and started slowly running his hand along the length of it. 

“How does that feel huh?” I asked. “Tell me. Tell me how it feels that I’ve got a bigger cock in high school then you’ll ever have?” 

“It… fuck you’re so much bigger…” Brian groaned. He was caressing my cock with his hands, almost reverently. Society had drilled into Brian for years that a big cock was important and desirable, and the whole time Brian had known, whether he admitted it himself or not, that he was small. Finally getting to play with a bigger cock was fulfilling a need in him he didn’t know he had.

“Kiss it.” I demanded. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down. “Go on. Show it the respect it deserves.”

Brian slowly sank to his knees. “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” 

“Just relax.” I grinned. “Have you ever had a girl go down on your little fun sized dick?”

Brian blushed. “A couple times.”

“Probably no repeat customers though huh? Not once they saw that thing.” I looked down at Brian’s cock. It was still rock hard. Brian’s shame and embarrassment just seemed to turn him on more. “Just do what those girls did for you.” I pushed the head of my cock up against Brian’s lips, demanding entry.

Brian hesitated, that little voice at that back of his head no doubt still screaming he was straight. That he didn’t suck cock. Brain just barely opened his lips, running his tongue along the flared head of my cock. That one lick was all it took. Brian began taking more, licking and sucking on my dick like it was the last thing he was ever going to taste.

“Damn.” I sighed. His technique was shit, just sloppy and enthusiastic, but watching Brian, this virtual perfect picture of a straight jock lose himself sucking my cock was hot as hell.

“Mmmm…” Brian groaned, and I watched as his little cock spit out another glob of precum unprompted. He might have been loving this even more than I was.

I let just let him go for awhile, getting used to taking a cock in his mouth. Brian’s eyes glazed over. From the way he was moaning and trembling sucking my cock you would have thought he was the one getting blown.

“Yeah, you like that don’t you? You like servicing a real cock.” I started pumping my hips, actively fucking Brian’s mouth. He gagged, struggling to take more of my cock, but that just seemed to turn him on more. 

Brian’s lips were a mess of spit and my precum. He looked up at from around my cock, hating and loving everything he was doing all at the same time.

“Jerk yourself off.” I commanded. “I want to see you try and use that toy you call a cock.” 

Brian’s face burned with shame, but he quickly wrapped his hand around his cock, jerking it in time with my thrusts into his mouth. Like he’d wanted to all along and just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He’d needed the excuse of my order, but Brian’s cock hadn’t flagged once.

“Look at that,” I burst out laughing. Brian’s big hand swallowed his little cock. When he wrapped his fist around his cock to jerk off only the smallest bit of the head poked out. “It’s like a magic trick. Brian makes his cock disappear.”

Precum leaked out from between Brian’s fingers. He whimpered and sped up his hand, his face glowing red with embarrassment under the bright stage lights.

Looking at Brian like that, even with his mediocre blow job skills, I was getting too close to cumming. No way was I going to finish before I got to fuck Brian’s ass. I pulled my cock out of Brian’s mouth, spit and precum trailing after it.

“Please-“ Brian gasped. He looked almost delirious. He let go of his cock and started to crawl towards me, his mouth open wide.

“Oh, don’t worry. We’re not done yet.” I pointed Brian back to center stage. “Turn around.”

Brian reluctantly turned to face the auditorium, turning his ass back to me again. “W-what are you doing?”

“Lean forward.” I got down onto my knees right behind Brian “Your cock might not be much to look at, but this ass deserves some attention.”

Brian froze, the reality of the situation slowly sinking in. He looked like he might bolt any second.

Couldn’t have that.

“You ever eat girls out before Brian? I bet with that nub of a cock that’s how you had to get most of them off.” I chuckled, reasserting everything that had gotten me this far with Brian. I’d already won big here, but I was going for double or nothing. Brian’s ass was defiantly worth the risk.

“Sometimes.” Brian rasped. I watched as more drops of precum leaked from his cock and dripped down onto the stage. He acted like he hated it, but the humiliation was still turning him on. 

“Then this is only sort of new for you. Lean forward and spread those cheeks.” I grinned. “After all, with a cock like that, you’re almost a girl, right?”

Brian shuddered and leaned forward, his head hung in shame. With shaking hands, he reached back and spread his ass for me.

And just like that I got my first look at his tight, little, pink hole. Brian was smooth here too, which meant he probably was just naturally hairless. His hole fluttered as it was exposed to the open air. As I watched it seemed to close up tighter, the last defense of a straight guy who knew he was about to be fucked.

I ran my finger around the outer edge, watching Brian shiver. “Spread your legs wider.” 

Brian slid down from his knees. He stretched his long legs out to either side of in a perfect one-hundred-and-eighty-degree angle. Brian let his chest sink down onto the stage, both hands still holding his ass apart for me. “…Like this?”

I had only meant for Brian to pull his cheeks wider, but seeing him stretched out like that, the muscles in his legs pulled taut, using the flexibility he’d honed over the years, was incredibly hot. Whether he’d done it consciously or not, Brian was putting himself on display again. Performing. 

Brian definitely had an unexplored exhibitionist streak, and I was more than happy to help him fill it. 

I brought my own hands down next to Brian’s, grabbing a fistful of his ass with each hand. Leaning forward, I stabbed out with my tongue, pressing into Brian’s hole.

“Oh fuck!” Brian shuddered.

I kept at it, working my tongue in and out of Brian’s ass. Bit by bit I stretched his hole open, sliding more and more of my tongue over Brian’s sensitive walls as he loosened up.

“Fuuuuck…” Brian groaned.

I smiled, flicking my tongue.

“Straight…Brian moaned softly. “I’m straight…” He was feeling things he’d never imagined before. No straight guy likes to even think about things going up their ass. When they suddenly discover all the amazing things their ass can make them feel they don’t how to handle it. Brian was pushing back against my tongue instinctively, his body chasing the feeling while he struggled to catch up and process it all.

I let Brian push back, and kept fucking him with tongue. Every time my tongue slid into Brian, he bucked forward, grinding his cock into the stage beneath him.

“Oh god-“ Brian was speeding up, writhing into the stage.

“Stand up.” I pulled myself up. “C’mon Brian. Up.”

Brian struggled to his feet. There was a pool of precum center stage, right where he’d been laying. His little cock was flushed bright red, and trembling in front of him. He looked at me, questioningly. 

“Face the auditorium again.”

Brian turned, presenting his ass to me.

I stopped for a second and just admired the look of him there. Muscles glistening under the stage lights, face flushed. His cock twitching and that perfect ass just waiting for me…

“We really should have you just dance like this.” I chuckled. I ran my hands down his firm back, stopping again when I got to his ass. Brian was panting hard. He knew what was coming next. 

I lifted the head of my cock up, and just let it rest for a second against Brian’s tight little jock hole. 

“I’m-.” Brian shuddered. “I’m not gay.”

“But you liked me playing with your little pussy here, didn’t you?” I circled his hole with my cock, just teasing it. 

“Y-yes.” Brian gasped. “Oh god- I liked it… Fuck.”

“Then go on.” I lined my cock up with his hole. “Fuck yourself.”

“Please,” Brian begged. “I can’t. Just give it to me…”

“If you want it, you have to take it yourself.” I said. “Go on Brian, show me what a big fucking man you are…”

Brian’s whole body tensed up. But he pushed back slowly. I watched the very tip of my cock slip past Brian’s ass and enter his hole. Brian hissed, and balked.

The last thing I wanted was Brian stopping and freaking out before we got to the best part. The conditions weren’t exactly ideal, Brian was still virgin tight, and my spit sloshing around inside him wasn’t the best lube. But needs, must. I shoved forward, pushing the first few inches of my cock into Brian.

“FUCK! OH FUCK” Brian shouted. “It hurts!”

“Relax!” I slapped Brian’s ass to get his attention. “Bear down.” 

The walls of Brian’s ass shifted a little, but he was still incredibly tight.

“God-why would anyone ever want to do this?” Brian cried.

“You know why. That feeling of my tongue in your pussy? My cock will make it feel even better.”

“Not a pussy…” Brian grunted. 

“Then take it.” I ordered. “Power through the pain.”

Brian nodded stiffly, and his ass relaxed just enough that I could start to move.

I eased forward, sliding more of my cock into Brian’s ass. His hole was like a velvet vice wrapped around my cock. “Halfway there now.”

“Fuck.” Brian shuddered. “Your cock’s so fucking big.

I smiled. “How’s it feel, knowing you have more cock in you now than any girl you’ve ever fucked?” 

Brian whimpered. He may have been obsessed with the size difference, but he wasn’t feeling what a cock like mine could do yet. I bottomed out and gave him a minute to adjust. Even through the pain of losing his cherry Brian’s cock hadn’t gone soft once. He was still fully hard. All four inches of him.

Pulling back a little, I heard Brian moan, and knew he was starting to get into it. Brain wrapped a hand around his cock and began jerking off again, slowly at first, then speeding up. 

“You like that Brian?” I asked. “You going to play with your little nub while a real cock fucks your pussy?” 

Brian groaned. 

“Answer me.” I snapped. “C’mon on Brian. Tell me how it feels.” 

“My ass- fuck.” Brian squealed. “It feels good!” 

“You feel good.” I laughed. “You might not have much of a cock, but you’ve got a perfect pussy. Cause that’s what you really have isn’t it, Brain? A tight little jock pussy?” 

Brian winced. 

I changed the angle of my thrusts slightly, and Brian’s whole body vibrated. “There is it.” I grinned. “Found your clit.” 

“Fuck-right there. Oh god…” Brian was an incoherent mess. He was pushing back now, trying to drive my cock back into his prostate.

“Feel that, Brian?” I asked, as I nailed it again. “That’s what girl’s feel when a real cock tickles their clit. Now tell me again- what am I fucking?”

“…My pussy.” Brian whispered.

“What was that?” I stopped moving. “Speak up.”

“MY PUSSY!” Brian shouted. “Please! Please don’t stop-“

“You want me to keep fucking your pussy? Tagging your jock clit?” 

“Fuck me!” Brian bucked his hips, but I held him steady. “Fuck my jock pussy!”

I let go of his hips. “Fuck yourself.” 

“GAH-“ Brian thew his ass back, slamming himself on to my cock, and driving it right back into his hungry clit.

“That’s right Brian.” I reached around and titled his head up, making him look at all the empty seats in the auditorium. “This is what you’ve always wanted me to see isn’t it? What you want all of them to see every time you walk out on stage isn’t?” I pointed to the imaginary audience. “You’re a tiny dicked slut. You’re just desperate for someone to call you on your crap and use you, aren’t you? Say it.”

“I’m a slut.” Brian slurred his words, repeating them back to me blindly as he blissed out on my dick. “I’m a tiny dicked slut.”

“I bet you used to jerk yourself off thinking about that night with your tights, didn’t you? Thinking about everyone seeing you like that.” 

“N-no.” Brian protested. “I didn’t…”

I snorted. “Well, we both know you’re going to be thinking about this night from now on at least. Aren’t you? Every time that tiny little cock of yours gets hard.”

Brian whined, like a desperate animal.

“Say it.” I demanded. “Admit you have a tiny cock.”

“I-I have a tiny cock.” Brian gasped.

“A worthless little nub. A little boy cock that looks ridiculous on your body.” I laughed.

Brian nodded vigorously, still madly jerking himself off as he rode my cock. “I have a tiny cock!”

“Louder.” I chuckled. “Like you want the whole theater to hear.”

“I HAVE A TINY COCK!” Brian shouted, throwing his head back in ecstasy. “I HAVE A WORTHLESS LITTLE NUB!” 

“You have a clit.” I smacked his ass again, and nailed his spot, making him see stars. I could see Brian was close to losing it, and watching him ride me and say all these things I was close to cumming myself. “You have a clit, and this amazing ass. That little toy between your legs is just another part of your clit isn’t it? It’s not even really a cock.”

“Fuck-“ Brian gasped. “I have a clit. I have jock clit! OH-!”

Brain’s little dick erupted, shooting blast after blast of cum out onto the stage. Brian was a moaning mess, jerking himself through his orgasm, and writhing around on my cock, pumping it into his bitch button again and again. 

“Fuck!” The walls of Brian’s ass fucking milked my cock. “Gonna cum Brian. Gonna breed you like a bitch.”

Brian moaned, his cock firing off another wild shot of cum.

I shot my load deep in Brian’s ass, loading what felt like a fucking gallon of cum into his ass.

When I finally stopped cumming,I let my spent cock slip from Brian’s ass. Cum dripped out of him, pouring out of his wrecked hole and trailed down his crack and onto the stage.

I smiled. “Like I said Brian, we both know who’s really the little man…”

I left Brian there, drenched in cum, in the middle of the stage. I didn’t see him again until the next rehearsal where he was much nicer, and seemed desperate to get me alone. Maybe for a repeat performance. Unfortunately, with the craziness of getting everything ready, and then performing the show it didn’t actually happen. But every night when I saw Brian dancing his part, he’d inevitably come to stand at center stage. And I could see him get hard. His new tights hid things better, but I still could tell.

Brain went on to dance professionally for over a decade after that. Maybe one of those gay guys he’d been worried about from his new company helped him out. He eventually married a ballerina from his company. I’d feel bad for her, but dancing with him she had to know just how little she to expect on their wedding night.

Either way, Brian had clearly found his calling. And in the end, he had his little dick to thank for it.