Adam Zeller and I had been together for about five months when the first snowflakes of winter began to fall. That same day my sister Ellen called. She was pregnant with her sixth child, and husband Doug would be deployed when the baby was expected to arrive. She wanted to know if I could come and help with the other kids. I told her that I would love to, but I wasn’t sure whether I could. I would need to figure who would take over for me, and of course, I wanted Adam to come along. I told her that I would go my best, I planned to talk to Adam about it that evening.
I ate my lunch alone that day and began to prepare dinner. Every time I glanced outside, it seemed that the snow was much deeper. The snow had fallen like that back in Connecticut, so I wasn’t concerned. Roasted chicken, stuffing, squash, eggplant, and Brussel sprouts were on the menu. Putting the meal together was like second nature to me now. I also made two apple pies. I still had difficulty making a decent crust, but I was getting better.
After finishing in the kitchen, I went down to the basement to get my freshly washed sheets and blanket. I hadn’t anticipated how excited I was going to be when Adam took me in a new position we’d found doing research online. I came so copiously over the folded blanket that washing it was necessary. I had already learned to use two bottom sheets. I had just completed making the bed when I heard a strange howling sound. I looked out the window and saw the snow swirling. A strong wind had picked up. I had not been paying any attention to the weather, so I had no idea that we were expecting an early storm, not quite a blizzard.
The troops trudged in about thirty minutes early. The temperature in the house dropped even though the door had not been open very long. Adam poked his head into the kitchen to say hello before he headed to our room to take a quick shower and change clothes. The others headed upstairs. I got the last-minute preparations completed. The food was done and in the oven staying warm, and the plates were in the dishwasher on the heat cycle; warm plates kept the food from getting cold. Once everyone started coming into the kitchen, I gave each a hot plate with a quarter of a roasted chicken and a helping of stuffing. I let each of them take as many sides as they wanted. All of them complained about the cold, and I found out that the only chores for the next day pertained to taking care of the horses.
While the chicken was a success and everyone said the pie filling waa fabulous, I noticed that most of them left the crust behind. I had to find a better crust recipe. Maybe I just needed to get a can of Crisco. That’s what my grandmother always used. Daniel helped me clean up the kitchen, and David told me that we were having breakfast at eight in the morning and that everyone was expected to prepare his own eggs. Sarah had decided not to have eggs and would make herself something else. He did want me to make lunch for everyone.
I headed off to the bedroom to find Adam asleep with a book in his hands. I was so lucky on so many levels, one of which was that he did not snore. I brushed my teeth, contemplated showering, but I hadn’t done anything strenuous since this morning’s shower, so I crawled into bed after getting Adam under the covers. With the wind still howling, I snuggled up next to him. His gentle breathing lulled me to sleep.
My handsome Adam did not wake me when he got up the next morning to help take care of the horses. My phone alarm went off at nine-thirty. I was surprised that I had slept that long. The air in the house was chilly; I knew that the thermostat was set to sixty-seven, so I hurried into the bathroom and got ready. Daniel was in the kitchen drinking cocoa and toast.
“Is everyone else outside?”
Daniel looked out the window. “Yeah. They’re feeding the horses and checking to make sure there’s still hay for the cattle.”
“Didn’t they bring them into the west pasture yesterday?”
“All but three; we’ve got three we can’t find.”
“Will they be able to survive in this cold?” I was surprised no one said anything yesterday.
“Did Adam tell you that Dad wants him to go up to the north-east section and check on things, including looking for the missing cattle?”
“In this weather?” I was surprised.
“I think the snow is supposed to stop, even though it’s supposed to stay cold.”
I took a deep breath. “What do you think I should make for lunch?”
“I want tacos.”
“Hmmm. Do we have enough taco shells? Let me check.” We did have plenty, so I started work on tacos for lunch. Daniel wanted to help; I let him shred the lettuce while I got the beef and chicken prepared. Daniel started on the tomatoes next. Everything was finished before everyone started to return to the house.
I didn’t say anything to Adam when he got back. All of us laughed and joked. Those who had gone out to take care of things were in an exceptionally good mood, probably because they didn’t have to go back out. After eating, they all helped clean up. Adam pulled me to the side and motioned me to follow him.
Once we were in the bedroom, he turned to me and said, “My dad needs me to check one of the pastures.”
I smiled.
“Why are you so happy about that?” he asked.
I just shrugged a little. “I just love you a little more today than I did yesterday.”
He grinned. “I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me. I need to leave now. I want to get to the cabin before dark.”
“So we need to go now?”
“Yeah,” Adam replied. “I’ve got an emergency bag upstairs with clothes. You need to throw some clothes together now. I want you to come.”
“OK.”
“Pull four sets of clothes. I’ll send someone with a duffle bag.”
Adam left the room, and I hurried to pull four sets of underwear, long johns, shirts, pants, and socks. Caleb came into the room with the duffle, and Daniel followed him with two blankets.
“I’ve been in that cabin in the winter; you’ll want the extra blankets. Stuff your pillows in there, too, if they’ll fit.”
We pushed and shoved and got the zipper closed. Caleb carried the bag to the mudroom where Adam was waiting. The truck was already there thanks to Benjamin, and we were off. I was glad Adam knew the route because I saw nothing but blowing snow. The truck had warmed up inside, and I pulled my coat off. Adam had pulled his off before we started. We bounced over the path, and I noticed that we were between two fence lines only because the top one or two wires could be seen at our sides.
“About how long will it take us to get there?” I asked.
“The snow’s pretty dry, and it’s not falling anymore, so we should be there in about thirty minutes. I’m really glad that you decided to come along. I’d hate to be stuck here with Daniel. He can’t seem to stop talking about the baby. He wants to move to town, so he’ll be there when the baby comes. He wants advice on things, and truth be told, I’m rather jealous.”
“Do you want a baby, Adam?” We hadn’t discussed it. I knew it was difficult for gay men to adopt, and finding a surrogate would mean deciding on which of us would be the biological father.
“I always imagined that I’d have a son,” he sounded a little sad. “Even when I realized I was gay, I figured that I would end up marrying one of the girls I’d meet at cattle sales and having a family. I just never thought I’d meet anyone like you.” He reached over and grabbed my hand.
Squeezing his hand, I looked over at him. When I was a kid, I always imagined I’d have kids. I never thought about how. Several of the men I knew in Connecticut had kids from marriages they had before admitting they were gay. It’s complicated.
“Have you ever thought about fostering a kid or two? Lots of older kids need homes, and we might find one we wanted to adopt.”
An eyebrow moved closer to his midline. Adam was thinking and thinking hard. He always brought his brows together when he was considering an important problem. “Do they ever take foster kids away?”
“I guess they could. Until they’re adopted, they are not legally part of the family.”
“I’d hate that,” he said.
“I’ll look into it when we get back.” Changing the subject intentionally, I said, “You know, my sister is having another one.”
“Doesn’t she already have a dozen of them?” he laughed.
“Six, the last time I counted. We could snatch one of hers; she’d never realize that one was missing.”
Adam shook his head. “You’re out of your mind crazy.”
“My current situation affirms that.”
Forty-five minutes after leaving the house, we pulled up next to an actual log cabin. I saw three head of cattle huddled in the shed next to the cabin. The opening faced south, and the roof overhang meant the snow remained outside for the most part. A snowdrift on the west side of it kept it more protected from the wind.
Adam pulled the truck around and back it toward the opening. “Take the duffle bags inside. I’m going to put several bales of hay inside the shed.”
“Won’t it go faster if I help?” I asked as I put my coat back on.
“You might startle them. Your coat’s bright red. Take a lantern in with you. It’s next to my duffle.”
“You’re the boss.” I did as requested. I struggled some with the door, but once inside, I was surprised at how clean it was. I had expected everything to be covered in dust at least an inch thick. I knew that provisions were dropped off here a few months back, but no one had mentioned a thorough cleaning. I put the LED lantern on the table and looked around.
In one corner stood a set of bunk beds; the opposite corner had a full-sized bed with drawers under it. Between them appeared to be a portable toilet still in its box. Plastic storage boxes lined a wall between a window and the third corner. A wood-burning stove that stood several feet from the wall was positioned in the fourth corner. Kitchen cabinets between the stove and the plastic storage boxes completed the room. There was a sink in the cabinets and a pump handle and spigot next to it.
The room was cold, but it seemed to get colder when Adam came in. He closed the door quickly behind him and looked at me. “Happy honeymoon!”
“Gosh. This is such a surprise.”
“You know what’s even better? That mattress is one of the space foam mattresses. I’ve heard that they are great for fucking.”
“And how are we going to manage that? My balls are frozen solid, and it’s so cold that my dick has retracted to the other side of my bladder.”
“Maybe I can coax it out later. Right now, I’m going to get a fire started. There’s a plastic bucket under the sink if you need to pee.’
“Five stars; I knew we’d only honeymoon in the best place in town.”
“Oh, baby, you haven’t seen anything yet. Take a look at this.” He removed a sheet covering what looked like a short metal barrel with a toilet seat on top. “I built that.”
“What the hell is it?”
“We put this plastic bucket inside the metal one. Put a scoop of dirt in the bottom followed by a layer of peat moss. Now, if you need to take a shit, do it there, then put a layer of peat on top followed by some dirt.”
He seemed proud of it. “Baby, when you decide to market this, and you’re doing your presentation, don’t call it ‘taking a shit.’ OK?”
I was amazed that I could take my coat off and feel comfortable less than an hour later. More amazing was that the cabin had water. I found out that the old cabin that had stood here for more than one hundred years had been destroyed in a storm about fifteen years earlier. David had decided to rebuild it on a concrete slab with professionally produced logs. The old well was replaced with one that was drilled, and the pump was a manual one that drained the water back down to prevent freezing. The only thing the cabin lacked was hot water and a shower; however, a cow trough and hot water from the solved that problem, and a hand pump drained the water from the trough into the sink.
We were prepared to last the winter. Using the top of the woodstove, I made us a meal of spaghetti. I also boiled a bag of frozen Brussel sprouts that Adam had sneaked into his duffle bag. We heard the wind pick up as the light from the window dimmed into darkness, and as I cleaned the pot that I heated the sauce in, Adam walked up behind me and pressed his body into mine.
“It doesn’t seem to matter what it is you’re doing, you are so sexy doing it,” he said.
I felt his boner press into me. “Are you naked?” I reached behind me. He was fully clothed; he had unzipped his pants and pulled his dick and balls out. I felt a tingling sensation in my body. I unbuckled my belt.
I heard him spit into his hand and felt my pants and underwear being pulled down. I felt his wet fingers in my crack and then pressing against my sphincter. I wanted to bend forward, but he held me against him. His lips grazed the back of my neck, and the head of his cock pushed against the opening to my hole. I shuddered as he entered me. He moaned a tiny squeak-like sound. His motion pushed me against the counter. The sensation of his shaft moving into me made me light-headed. The dizziness made me grab the edge of the cabinet. He quickly pulled his cock until it was almost out and then slowly moved it back into me. We’d fucked hundreds of times, but this was the first time he’d made me feel this. My own hardness was being pushed against the cabinet door, and I felt the urge to ejaculate into my briefs. I held on and I fought against it. I wanted him to keep fucking me. The wind seemed to howl louder; his grunting became deeper, more animalistic. I didn’t want to come; I continued to resist. Without warning, he bit my shoulder and pushed into me. He filled me with his seed and kept his cock completely inside me. We stood there without moving, barely breathing.
His arms pulled me more tightly to him. I could feel his dick lose hardness. I tightened my hold, but eventually, it slipped out of me, and I lost our physical unity.
“Sometimes,” he said, his voice husky, “it scares me to realize how much I love you and how much I need to be physically connected to you.”
I turned to kiss him. “It’s strange to think of yourself as less and less you and more and more us.”
“Yeah, is it normal for me to see myself as part of you, or that you are part of me. I’m not even sure if that explains it.”
“For me,” I told him, “I’m still me. I’m happy. I enjoy what I’m doing when you’re not with me. But when you’re with me, even if it is just in the room with me, I’m more alive, happier.”
“Yeah,” agreed Adam. “I don’t feel lonely when you’re not with me, but sometimes there are things that happen that I want to share with you. There have been times when I couldn’t wait to tell you something, and then when I tell you I realize how silly it is, but you never make me feel dumb about it.”
“I don’t remember your ever telling me something silly.”
“Like the reflection of the cloud in the water in that hoof print.”
“That wasn’t silly.” I held his head with my hands and kissed him. “That was one of those beautiful things that catch your eye. You make me see things in the world that I would miss if it weren’t for you.”
I saw his eyes get misty, and mine got misty in response.
Adam swallowed and cleared his throat. “Why don’t we save that pot for tomorrow. I’ve already checked the bed for spiders, and I need you.”
“You need me?”
“Yeah,” he said. “I do.”
“Well, that’s more important than any old pot.”
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