In the dead of Winter
Alta, Finnmark, March 2014
Christmas, the Days of Peace, were anything except that for Eidno. The atmosphere at home was more like an armed truce. Oh yes, his father chatted with him during dinner and during most of the holidays, but his mother and his sister hardly said a word to him, that is apart from the necessary things. He almost started to get used to it, this seemingly eternal veil of hostile silence.
On the other hand: there were pleasant things as well. He had school holidays, which meant he was away from his tormentors for a few weeks. He had plenty of time to be with his dogs and there was the added benefit of seeing Mihkkel very often. This did not mean, that they had time for romancing, because their coach, Eidno’s father, really pushed the training to the limit for the both of them. Mihkkel was a fast learner, being able to hook and unhook the dogs in and from their harnesses in a very short time. He learned how he could pack the allowed supply packages in the most efficient way, do emergency repairs on harnesses, lines and the sled and all the other duties, that were the purview of the handler. The nearer the Finnmark Run came, the more excited they got, their eagerness sparking over on the dogs, who went mad the minute the harnesses were taken out of their storage.
After Mihkkel and his mother had had a long, intense talk with the school principal, life at school initially got more bearable. The principal had issued new, sharper rules to counter harassment, containing sanctions that were no fun any longer. But after a few weeks the effect was gone: the kids just developed more subversive means of hassling, that were not so easily recognized by the teachers and both had to endure the pains of being the main targets again.
But Eidno and Mihkkel started to react differently on it. Eidno did what he always had done: he got angry, just to swallow it again, eating it all up, only to avoid problems with the principal, knowing he had problems enough as it was. Mihkkel however started to study the instigators, observing them into detail to find out what their weaknesses were. He understood, it would be a lengthy process, but it was worth doing it, so he just endured the humiliations for the time being until the moment had come he could strike back merciless.
Not understanding what his friend was doing, Eidno had often asked:
“What the hell are you doing, Mihkkel? Don’t you get mad at them?”
Mihkkel had always answered with a mysterious smile:
“Oh, yes…I get furious about it. But I’m just studying them”.
“What for?” Eidno had cried out.
With another mysterious smile Mihkkel had answered:
“To find a way to turn their own tables against them, my dear!”
But all the misery at school and the unbearable tensions at Eidno’s home were forgotten on this tenth Saturday of the year, a wonderful sunny but very cold Saturday with a thick layer of snow covering the land. It was a superb day for dog sled racing!
The tenth weekend of the year was the traditional start of the Finnmark Run. The real race, for experienced adults and going over twelve hundred kilometers of grueling Arctic land in the coldest time of winter, had started the day before. This Saturday morning the open class started for the less experienced, but they still faced six hundred kilometers. And then the Junior race would start, for handlers under eighteen years of age with two hundred kilometers waiting for them. Exactly that would be Eidno’s racing debut, in other words: he was a rookie!
But that didn’t bother him. Everyone had been a rookie once. He relied on the thorough training his father had given him and the dogs.
After the dogs had all been checked by the race vet, they started to hook them up. It didn’t go exactly as planned. The dogs smelled the snow and the crisp air and, excited by the prospect of lots of fun, were a bit unruly. But in due time they were ready to go. Eidno’s father checked the sled and the dogs a last time and got the two boys together, giving them some final instructions and advice.
“Listen up, guys”, he said, “I’ve seen a number of girls in the race. But don’t be so dumb to underestimate them. It’s not about being boy or girl, but about the ability to handle your team. So, guys…respect those girls as real and potentially dangerous competitors. You got that?”
Both boys nodded and since coaches were not allowed to interfere with the teams during the race, except in emergencies, Eidno’s father disappeared to the background with a “See you boys back in Alta! And have lots of fun!”
A race official gave the sign that Eidno was next to start. Together they brought the team and the sled to the starting line. Mihkkel knew he had to leave it up to Eidno from now on. The two boys looked at each other with gleaming eyes.
“Have fun, my love”, Mihkkel said, giving him a kiss hand, “See you at the first checkpoint!”
Eidno returned the kiss hand and put his snow goggles in place. The only thing that bothered him was, that his mother and sister weren’t there at the start.
But he had no time left for this kind of thoughts when he saw the starting official raising his arm.
When the flag went down, he cried a roaring “Hiiikkke”, carefully aiming the whip high so that he wouldn’t harm the dogs. They didn’t need to be urged on by the whip, they were rearing enough to go by themselves. The lashing sound of the whip was just for show. At the “Hike”-command Migás immediately reacted, galvanizing the other five dogs into action and the sled shot forward.
The dogs were responding magnificently, building up speed. Actually, he had to slow them down a bit. It was no use to have them spend their energy before they reached the city limits. A nice fast trot would do.
He saw the first curve coming up and with a “Haw”-command the swing dogs, the pair in the second row who made the actual turns, started pulling to the left, drawing their team mates and the sled with them.
Nearing the second curve he saw some commotion ahead. Apparently, the girl, that had started before him, had misjudged the curve and now she was beside the trail, her sled wrecked and her dog team in confusion. An official waved a warning flag and Eidno slowed down his team, carefully leading them around the crash site, keeping a close eye on his dogs. He didn’t like the idea that the dogs of two different teams would mix up in a fighting furball. He saw the girl standing next to her sled, crying.
“Fuck”, he murmured under his breath, “What a shitty way to start a race”.
But he was realistic enough to realize, that it simply meant one competitor less. After having passed the spot he brought his team back on speed and soon they were out of Alta, gliding at moderate speed to the first checkpoint in the south over the snow.
“This is fun!” Eidno exclaimed thrilled. All years of learning and training finally paid off.
In order to follow the prescribed trail, he turned off the road and started to follow the frozen river. It made smooth running with the dogs maintaining a steady speed. He passed the ice hotel at Sorrisniva and drove under the river bridge, where he came on an old tractor trail that led to the east-southeast. He knew it was the first climb towards the barren plateau of Finnmarksvidda with a grade of ten percent. So, he took some speed back, more or less allowing the dogs to run at the speed they preferred themselves.
When they reached the top a sharp turn to the right had to be made to turn to almost due south. Eidno marveled at the surrounding country. It was all snow covered and he was glad he had his snow goggles on. Snow blindness was not something he could use right now. Migás had an easy job up to now. Eidno simply followed the trail, that had been made by the teams, that had started before him. Roads were non-existant. It was purely a cross country part of the race. They passed through forests and mountains, the lonely but happy boy and his six dogs.
He had calculated he would need four hours to get at the first checkpoint, a couple of wooden tourist lodges in the middle of nowhere. He made it with a few minutes to spare. Mihkkel had already be driven in by Eidno’s father and was waiting for him with water and new booties for the dogs.
After he checked in with the official, he inspected the paws of all six dogs, finding everything in perfect condition. A vet came by to do the obligatory veterinary check on all dogs and was more than satisfied:
“They’re all fit to go, son. Have fun on the trail!”
While Mihkkel watered the dogs and changed the booties, they discussed the part to the next check point, maps in hand.
“It’s fifty-three kilometers according to the trail description” Mihkkel briefed him, “It’s pretty flat with a crossing of the lake for about ten kilometers. Then it gets rougher, but only for a short stretch, because then you’re in the river valley right to the next checkpoint”.
Eidno did some rough calculations and said:
“I guess I’ll be needing three to three a half hour for that. Maybe a little longer. Depends on the weather on that rough part you mentioned”.
“Oh well, the next stop is the compulsory resting, so the boys can rest. And you as well!” Mihkkel said.
“Yeah, you’ll set it up then: tent for us and cover for the dogs?” Eidno asked.
“You bet, honey!” Mihkkel smiled.
“How many are ahead of me?” Eidno inquired curiously.
“Two!” was the answer.
“OK, then I’ll be checking out and I’m gone again. See you later”.
He checked out with the officials and with a “Hike!!” was on his way again.
He turned south and after an hour reached the ice of a large lake, that he had to cross. Due to the length of the lake, it took him another hour to do the crossing, but the trail was smooth ice, so the dogs just trotted on without losing too much energy. He knew he moved in the direction of Karasjoki, not actually entering the town, but despite that he laughed at the dogs:
“Yeah, boys, you smell home, don’t you?”
He knew that the tough part came directly after leaving the lake. Especially the weather could be unpredictable there on the plateau, but the weather gods appeared to be good humored and he went to the south without noticeable delay. Just before he came at the forest lodge, where he would enter the river valley, he saw one of the competitors that had started ahead of him. The musher was beside the track and was checking one of his dogs.
Eidno slowed down and when he was parallel with the other team, but with a healthy distance to prevent a dogfight, he yelled:
“Hei, you need help?”
The musher looked up. It appeared to be one of the girls and Eidno accidentally looked right into a lovely pair of blue eyes.
“No, he tore one of his booties so just some problems with ice between the cushions. I’ll manage. But thanks anyway”.
“OK…” Eidno said, “Then I start moving again before we have a giant dogfight on our hands”.
She smiled and said:
“Hey, did someone ever tell you you’re kind of cute?”
Eidno blushed and stammered something.
“Shall I give you my phone number, sweetie?” she asked.
Eidno shook his head, first as in “no” but also in amazement: here they were in the middle of Arctic nowhere and this girl was trying to make a pass out of him. He considered very fast what he would answer, but since it looked as if everyone already knew about his being gay, he simply said:
“Sorry, honey, the wrong guy. I’m gay…and actually my boyfriend is waiting for me at the depot”.
“Oh no, shit!”, she cried out in mock despair, “My life is a real mess. Finally, I find my Ice Prince of the Wilderness and then he turns out to be gay. Incredible! Hey, you better go on and see him then. Have a good race!”
“You too”, he said waiving.
“Well, I won’t win it. You’re just in front of me now”, she said.
He waved again and with a “Hike!” his six dogs started working again.
He entered the river valley with hills covering him from the wind from both sides and smoothly he continued his way to the depot.
While progressing through the river valley he noticed that his dogs were tiring. It was to be expected: they had been working for a little over eight hours now through snow and ice. Somewhere one of his sled runners had hit a stone under the snow and now it was loose. If he was honest: he could do with a couple of hours of sleep as well. It was great fun what he was doing, but it made a boy his age pretty tired as well.
When he had the lights of the depot in sight, he knew it was over for today. He came in at the site, another wilderness lodge for tourists, but this time the grounds were full of tents and covers and a lot of people were scurrying around.
“Time for bed, boys” he said to the dogs.
With a “Whooaaa” he stopped the team and threw out his ice anchor. Mihkkel was already waiting for him.
“I’m afraid I gave you some extra work”, he said. He told of the loose runner but Mihkkel didn’t seem to mind. Eidno went to check in with the officials.
When he returned Mihkkel was already unhooking the dogs.
“Hey, Mihkkel,” he asked, “Is my estimate right that there is only one ahead of me?”
“Yeah,” Mihkkel said, “How did you know that?
Eidno told of his encounter with the girl and how she tried to make a pass of him.
“In the middle of the wilderness?” Mihkkel asked, roaring with laughter.
“Yeah, really”, Eidno said smiling.
“What did you say?” Mihkkel wanted to know.
“Well, I told her the truth”.
“And that is?” Mihkkel pressed on, not fully knowing which way the story went.
“Just told her I’m gay and that my boyfriend was waiting for me at the depot. Man, that really cooled her down pretty fast”.
Mihkkel looked with astonished eyes and blurted out:
“You actually told her you were gay?”
“Yeah”, Eidno said with a shrug, “I’ve never seen her before. She might come from Narvik or Harstad or Tromsø. Maybe even from Finland or Sweden. Not that much chance I will ever see her again”.
“Incredible”, Mihkkel said, shaking his head, “Now, you go and rest. I’ll handle the rest. The sled will be fine by tomorrow morning. Don’t you worry. And I’ll check the harnesses and lines after I’ve fed the dogs. Sleep well and sweet dreams about your wilderness nymph”, he added with a teasing smile.
“You little bully!” Eidno growled with a smile of his own.
Before he went into his tent, longing for a warm and soft sleeping bag, he saw his father waiving at a distance, after which the man clearly stuck up two thumbs. Despite his fatigue he sent him a large, beaming smile back.
When he was in his sleeping bag, he set the alarm on his cellular. There would be no long sleeping the next Sunday morning.
Before his alarm went off Mihkkel was already prodding with a good humored:
“Come on, lazy! Time to get up”
“Oh man”, Eidno moaned, “Everything hurts. Hey, you were up already?”
“No”, Mihkkel smiled, “I never got in the sleeping bag. I had plenty to do. The runner was not only loose but also bent. So, I had to exchange it. Would be nice if you don’t ruin another one, because that was our spare runner”.
Eidno got up and took the mug with hot coffee that the still smiling Mihkkel gave him.
“It’s still dark”, Eidno said, “Guess that will be navigation on the compass then, at least the first hours”.
“Can do, honey”, Mihkkel said confident.
Eidno ate some bread and took some glucose, as his father had advised him to do. Together they took the dogs out of their night liar and went to the vet tent for the next obligatory check.
The vet, an elderly man, clearly pass his retirement age, started the check. He clearly liked what he was doing as a volunteer in the race, but Migás had different ideas when he saw the vet.
Eidno gave him a “Down”-command and, petting the dog between the ears said:
“It’s just a check, boy. Be quiet and good!”
“He clearly doesn’t like vets”, the man smiled.
“Oh no, sir, we usually give them as breakfast to him!” Eidno blurted out.
Despite his age the man clearly had a good sense of humor, because he grinned broadly at the joke.
After all six were checked the vet said:
“Well, son, they’re good to go. I don’t know where you found them or who trained them, but you’ve got a top team. My compliments”.
The compliment made Eidno shine with pride and he mumbled a shy “Thank you, sir”.
The vet signed and stamped the veterinary log off and the two boys started the hooking up.
Again they had a little conference over the next stretch of the race, another forty eight kilometers, partly through frozen marshes.
After he signed out with the officials at exactly the right minute, he threw another kiss hand to Mihkkel, pushed his snow goggles in place and he gave his team the command to start moving.
Despite the darkness all went smooth in the beginning. Migás just followed the trail already made by the team in front of him and Eidno perfectly knew where he was. He just had to look at the river, that was on the left of him. After the prescribed distance he crossed the river but there was still the trail he could follow. At a certain landmark he turned land inward as he was supposed to do, at least if he wanted to arrive at the last checkpoint.
The hours passed and the kilometers glided by under the runners, but he somehow got the uneasy feeling the speed dropped. He found that worrisome, since the dogs were rested and fresh. He stopped the team and gave them a fast visual check, but found nothing out of the ordinary. He shone ahead with his flashlight and he thought to see a crossroads ahead. He looked at his route description, which confirmed that there had to be a crossroads along the route.
“That’s funny”, he murmured, “Hey boys, what’s going on? A bit lazy today, are we?”.
He shone over the snow and only then he noticed it: there was no trail. The only thing he saw was virgin snow.
“That means that no other team has been here”, he said to himself, “Now, what does that mean? Am I lost or is there simply no one ahead of me?”
He considered his options. It was still dark, so he couldn’t take his bearing on the sun and determine his position. He could go on with the risk he was lost or he could stay here, losing time, until he could find out where he was.
“Well dad,” he mused with a smile, “I found a mistake in the training. You trained me to navigate on the sun in relation to the time. But…”, he looked up at the many white dots in the ink-black sky, “you forgot to teach me how to navigate by the stars”.
He shrugged. That was something for later consideration. He had to decide now!
He decided to go to the crossroads and wait there for dawn, so that he could determine where he was.
When he arrived at the crossroads, he shone another time over the surrounding terrain. At least it confirmed he was not lost. Directly west of the crossroad was a small river, exactly as both the description and the map said. And he had passed another wilderness lodge about ten, maybe fifteen minutes ago. That fitted was well. But, why was there no trail?
He checked his dogs another time, more to have something to do while he was waiting for dawn than out of necessity. He patted Migás and his neighbor at the front line, the dogs who had to find a secure trail or, by lack of it, break one for the rest of the team and the sled, on their head and said, smiling:
“Well boys, time to get some work done for your food”.
Even for a lead dog the job had its drawbacks!
To be on the safe side he laid his snow shovel ready on the sled. If the snow was really high, he would have to shovel a trail in front of the lead dogs.
Standing on a sled was not exactly warm, but just sitting and wait for dawn was even colder. So now and then he walked up and down the dog team, just to stay warm. But finally, the sky in the east lightened.
He looked around. He was not that arrogant that he debited it to his flawless navigation, probably there was a fair portion of luck involved, but with satisfaction he confirmed he was at exactly the spot where he thought he was.
“OK,”, he sighed with relief, “I’m not lost then. It’s trail breaking time, boys! But were in hell is that guy who is supposed to be ahead of me?”
For this moment it didn’t matter; he would have enough on his hands. He got the team moving again, adjusting the speed to the tempo in which the lead dogs could break a trail through the snow. It was time-consuming, but there was no alternative. Here and there the snow was blown into small hills, too high for the dogs to break. Then he took the snow shovel and gave them a hand. As cold as he had been while waiting for daylight, as hot he was now, sweating profusely under his thick parka, despite the biting cold.
It appeared to take hours, but finally they came on a ready trail, directly leading to the checkpoint. He looked at his map: it was the trail that was used on the first part to the depot and that was used now to return to Alta.
“OK, boys”, he cried, filled with joy to the dogs, “We’re on the trail again!”
But although he was bent on moving on, he let the dogs rest for a while. Only then he set the team at work again, having them trotting in a quiet tempo to spare the lead dogs. At that moderate speed he arrived at the checkpoint.
Mihkkel was already waiting impatiently.
“You took long for this stretch”, he said.
“You bet”, Eidno said, “Suddenly the trail stopped, so the lead dogs had to break a trail. And when they didn’t manage, because the snow was too high, I had to shovel a trail for them. How long did I need?”
“About six hours. I was getting worried”, Mihkkel said with clear relief, “But you’re here. That’s what matters! You want a rest for you and the dogs?”
Eidno nodded.
“OK, then check in. In the mean time I’m going to get you a hot coffee. Oh, and take some glucose. You look if you could use it!”
“Yeah, good idea”, Eidno muttered.
The checkpoint routine was the same: check-in, veterinary check and check-out. But first he wanted some rest for himself and his team. While he sipped at the scorching coffee, Mihkkel watered the dogs, checked paws and changed booties. Then he gave the lines and harnesses a quick look-over and checked on the new runner, but he noted nothing extraordinary.
After an hour of rest Eidno started the last stretch to the finish, another three hours to go. He let the dogs trot at an easy speed. There was no need to exhaust them for the moment. He wanted enough reserve for a sprint, should that be necessary.
After about fifteen minutes he realized himself, that in his tired condition he had forgotten to check on where that one team was, that he supposed to be ahead of him. He shrugged mentally: it didn’t matter. He would be satisfied with being second. Not a bad performance for a brand new rookie, he thought. He smiled at that thought. His father would give him hell for that. The man was a tough trainer, who once said:
“Only the first is important, the rest are all losers!”
But despite his thinking, he caught himself frequently that he was gazing around, looking for the seemingly disappeared other team at the forefront.
“Where is he, damned?” he muttered, “Or did he exchange his dogs for birds?”
When he had been moving for about three hours at the same trot, he discerned the skyline of Alta. Well, skyline is a bit of an exaggeration for a town like that, but at least he knew the finish was very near. But he thought it funny that he hadn’t seen a trace of that other team. The guy couldn’t have that much head start. He really had no idea what was going on.
After about an hour he reached the outskirts of Alta. People started to line up along the trail, cheering loudly.
“OK boys,” he shouted to the dogs, “Let’s give them what they want. Hike!!!”
For another time the dogs reacted as they should: they increased speed in a remarkable way! The crowd got thicker and cheered wilder.
Two curves to go now! He looked behind him. He looked ahead: no other team.
“This is impossible”, he muttered, “No use to think about it now. I must concentrate on the curves”.
The first curve came up. With a “Gee”-command he directed the swing dogs and as a result the rest of the team to the right without any problem. The second curve followed as swift as the first.
He saw the finish.
“Come on, boys”, he yelled, “One last sprint!! Hike!!!”.
The dogs threw themselves in their rigging and the sled shot forward. The crowds along the street cheered like mad. He couldn’t think of anything better than to waive at them so every now and then.
Then he saw Mihkkel at the finish, jumping and dancing excitedly.
“What’s going on?” he asked himself, “Don’t tell me that…”
The official waved the flag: he had done it. He completed the Junior Finnmark Run.
He called out the “Whoa”-stop command and the dogs stopped. Mihkkel came running at him.
“I didn’t see that other guy”, Eidno cried out, “Where the fuck is he?”
“No, dumbo, of course you didn’t see him”, Mihkkel yelled in excitement, “That is what happens when you come in first. You won the damned race!”
Mihkkel embraced him while he was still on the sled and almost buried him in kisses.
“Say that again?” Eidno asked in disbelief.
“You won the fucking race, my love!” Mihkkel repeated.
“But…”, Eidno asked in doubt, “Where is he then?”
Mihkkel shrugged and said with a blinding smile:
“I don’t know. But in any case: he’s behind you!”
Eidno shook his head. He simply couldn’t believe it.
“Jeez”, he stammered, “I won?”
“Yeap”, Mihkkel only said, still with that beautiful smile on his face.
The official interrupted their small celebration when he said:
“Boys, get your team off the street. Number two is coming in any moment now”.
They got the team off the street and while doing so Eidno saw his father pushing his way through the crowd. The man ran towards him, embraced him with his strong arms, taking him in an almost crushing bear hug, saying:
“Goddamn, I’m so proud of you, son!”
“Auww, dad”, Eidno reacted smiling, “You’re crushing me. Hey, I still wanted to stay alive to do the Six Hundred next year”.
But his father maintained the strong hug and said:
“Doesn’t matter, I can always repair you later!”
“Dad,” Eidno said, “Aren’t we forgetting someone? We are a team, you know!”
He looked at Mihkkel, who stood timidly at a little distance.
“Come on, sweetheart!” Eidno said, “You’re in the team as well!”
The two boys embraced each other and the father’s strong arms embraced the two of them. At least the vise’s pressure was now equally divided over both their shoulders.
“But…”, Eidno asked, while he enjoyed the double hug, “Where is this guy who was in front of me?”
His father looked at him with a smile and answered:
“He got lost! And when he found out he got lost, he had to backtrace about four kilometers, losing about three hours in total”.
“Oh shit…”, Eidno exclaimed, “Now I understand why the trail suddenly disappeared and why we had to fight our way through the snow!”
His father nodded, adding:
“He might be lost, but he’s some character. He might have given up, but he insisted on finishing the race, even if he was the last one to come in”.
“Wow”, both boys said in heart-felt admiration.
The ever-tough coach came back on when his father said:
“But we haven’t finished yet, boys, there’s work to do! Come on, let’s get the dogs in the truck so they can rest a bit”.
Mihkkel’s eyes locked with Eidno’s and with a smile he said:
“That will teach these dumb homophobes at school!”
Karasjoki, Finnmark, March 2014
Eidno laid on his bed. He felt as if he had found a whole set of new muscles, he had never been aware of before and, worst of all, every one of them seemed to ache. The same could be said of his bones, who felt if all of them were broken.
“Must be dad’s bear hug!” he mused, smiling at the fond memory.
He felt satisfied with what he achieved. He won his debut race! He was the rookie who had managed to get over the finish line as first. He was incredibly happy with it. And he was grateful for the fact, that they had achieved this success as a team, he, Mihkkel and, not to be forgotten, his dogs.
But despite all this satisfaction and happiness there was still a twinge of sadness over it all. It bothered him, that even at this moment of glory, his mother had seen no reason at all to be at the finish, actually saw no particular good reasons to congratulate him when they got home. Even his sister had defrosted somewhat for a short span of time, enthusiastically embracing him when he came in. But not his mother: she simply kept her distance and, as always since that disastrous day, she kept it in icy silence.
He sighed and wondered if things with his mother might be OK again. It had been going on now for five months, the cold silence and the evident denial of his actual being there. Oh yes, she still said the absolute necessary things, but even these were said in a tone, that was meant to hurt him and aimed at chilling his heart.
“Thank God dad reacts differently!”, he murmured.
Yes, that was a great help. At least somebody in the family was interested in him and supported him. He felt more and more, that it was the only reason, that kept him from leaving his parental house.
He gazed at Mihkkel’s drawing of Migás, that still hung above his bed. He smiled at the thought, that Migás was probably deep asleep now. After he had swallowed his pan of food the dog had rolled up, had put his bushy tail over his muzzle and within seconds had left the world for a while, as did all the other dogs.
“But all in all”, he said softly, “Apart from the problems with mum it has been a great weekend”.
Satisfaction prevailed when his eyes slid from the drawing to the medal, that hung beside it. The fact that he had won four thousand euro in free dog food and another four hundred in free racing equipment was just an added bonus for him. It was the medal that mattered!
“And, of course, the way we will put the tormentors at school in shame”, he thought, but knowing the school principal had excused them from school on Monday to recover from the hard race, this had to wait until Tuesday.
His eyes fell shut…he was so tired he was unable to stay awake any longer.
That Tuesday morning Eidno and Mihkkel walked to their first class of the day with confidence. They were both convinced, that the general attitude would have been changed after their success. While walking through the corridors other kids looked, even stared, at them but none of them said a word. No matter their self-assurance, the minute they entered the class room they found out they were dead wrong!
The whole class was scornfully grinning. The meanest arsonist of that fire of hate aimed against them, a very thick boy, that thick that one might even call him fat, named Erik, said with a nagging voice:
“Look who is there? The fag musher and the fag handler. Well, sissies, you must feel great now, now you won that girl’s race!”
It made the whole class roaring with laughter.
Eidno’s face immediately turned red with anger and he was about to attack the fat boy but a hand on his shoulder stopped him in his track. It was Mihkkel’s hand, who briefly looked at him with soothing eyes and shook his head. But then his eyes turned into ice and he looked around in the class room.
He waited until the laughter died down, observing how the kids were waiting how their bit of “fun”, as they saw it, would develop. It was a rude shock for them!
When the class was silent and all the eyes fixed on Mihkkel, he said with a cold voice, dripping of cynicism:
“Well, well…hear who is talking! Hey, Erik, I didn’t notice you at that girl’s race. Would be great fun to see how many dogs you would need to pull all that fat around. Man, you wouldn’t even get to the first curve. No wonder of course. You already need your mum to bring your fat ass to school each morning and to pick you up in the afternoon to bring your still fat ass home again”.
The fat boy looked at him in shock, recovered somewhat with clearly visible efforts and growled threatening:
“For a little fag you have a big mouth. You better keep it shut before you lose all your teeth”.
Mihkkel gave him an intensely mean smile and his frigid voice said:
“You can try. But you won’t manage to do that. All that sickening fat slows you down so much, that I will have your jaw and nose broken before you have even started with my teeth!”
The fat boy looked at him, at a loss what to do or say next. Eidno saw clear and unadulterated despair and grieve in his eyes. The boy looked away, staring in shock at the blackboard, not saying another hateful word about “winning any girl’s race”.
The rest of the class looked on in horror. Here and there jaws dropped.
Mihkkel looked each of them in the eyes and with the same cold voice said:
“Well, the rest of you is no better. None of you will survive that girl’s race because you all are just pitiful smartphone zombies!”
There wasn’t a kid in the class who had the courage to say a word, only to avoid to be the next victim of such forceful scorning. The class remained totally silent. Nobody seemed to understand what had happened.
His hand still on Eidno’s shoulder Mihkkel said softly:
“Come on, Eidno, let’s go to our places”.
They sat just in time, because the teacher came in. Mihkkel just observed the effects of his words and deeds and was satisfied.
While the teacher droned on Eidno whispered sharply:
“Why did you do that?”
Mihkkel looked at him with a smile and only whispered back:
“I did what I said I would do: I just turned their own tables against them!”
“Let’s talk it over during the break!” Eidno hissed, apparently a bit too loud, resulting in an irritated look from the teacher.
During the break they sat on the stairs, far away from the auditorium. Mihkkel had considered to go there and make the next move in his counter-attack if necessary, but decided that it was no use to provoke problems.
“Shit, Mihkkel”, Eidno said somewhat indignant, “Why did you do that? You know that Erik’s fatness is caused by some illness. You really hurt him! No, you annihilated him!”
Mihkkel nodded, thought it over briefly and said:
“I know he has that illness. I hoped…no, I guess wé hoped that your victory in the race would do the trick, but it didn’t. It was even used against us. So: I figured it was time for more drastic measures. To tell you the truth: I felt deeply ashamed when I did it. It actually hurt me, what I was saying to him. But, sweetheart…he has been trying to annihilate us for about six months now. We must do something to stop him!”
“But he is only one of them”, Eidno said, not fully understanding what Mihkkel meant.
Mihkkel nodded for a second time and said:
“Yes, he is only one of them. But he is also one of the kids who contrived that witch hunt against us. I studied and analyzed it all in the last few months and I found the patterns. Like my mother said: the rest are just dumb reindeers who follow the head of the herd. And I assure you: he is by far at the head of the herd. But something else, Eidno…did they ever consider our feelings?”
Eidno bit on his lip. He sighed and said:
“You’ve got a very good point there! But what if your plan fails?”
“Oh well”, Mihkkel shrugged, “In that case I really hope that our Finnmark Six Hundred will do the trick. But…to be honest, after today I don’t dare to dream of it!”
They didn’t expect it after what had happened, but Eidno’s victory in the race brought a little glimmer of recognition and hope.
When they left school at the end of another tedious and lonely school day a girl was following them. They saw her furtively glancing around, as if she was afraid that somebody would see her. Apparently, she was satisfied, because she started to attract Eidno’s and Mihkkel’s attention by waiving.
They stopped, curious what it might mean. The girl came nearer. It was Aliissa Kristopherson, the same girl of whom Eidno’s sister, long ago in better times, had told she had fallen in love with him.
“Hei, Aliisa”, both boys said, amazed that someone wanted to be near them in the first place.
“Hei, guys”, she said softly, “I eeeuhhh…I justed wanted to say I don’t agree with all the bullshit thrown at you. And besides, Eidno, that was absolutely magnificent what you did at that race. I really liked your flashy way of going over the finish. No matter what others think”.
“Thanks! But, Aliisa, what I don’t understand”, Eidno asked, “If you don’t agree with all the bullshit…why don’t you say something about it?”
She shrugged, obviously ashamed of herself and said in a low voice:
“I don’t know. I guess I’m too scared and too shy to stand up to the guys who started it. Or maybe I was just scared to become their next victim. I really don’t know”.
Suddenly she smiled and in a stronger, clearer voice she continued:
“But it seems you know how to handle them, Mihkkel. I loved the way you devastated that Erik. Fuck, he’s a weak egg himself; but he knows how to stay away from unwelcome attention to that by victimizing others. Well, gotta go now, before they see me chatting with you”.
Without a further word she left, again looking around for danger in the immediate area.
“Funny”, Eidno said, “It seems it is even forbidden to talk to us!”
“I don’t know”, Mihkkel said, “And, actually I don’t care. Maybe she’s just afraid, like she said herself. And it confirms what my mother said”.
“Anyway”, Eidno smiled, “we’ve got some recognition for what we have done last weekend”.
“Yeah”, Mihkkel grinned somewhat sarcastically, “Maybe there is still some hope left for us! Maybe we’re not that unwanted”
Alta, Finnmark, March 2015
The year had passed like some dreamlike hurricane. In retrospect it looked, as if all the days had been compressed into a single hour, so that their participation in the Finnmark Six-hundred was nearing with swift steps.
In order to comply with the regulations for the race they had expanded the team to eight dogs. It was not very easy to fit two new dogs in the tightly knitted dog team but with Eidno’s father’s advice they managed. Of course, Migás had claimed and consolidated his leadership position beyond any doubt, by dominance and sheer physical force, if needed.
Spring had increased both their desires in the same intensity as the flowers had come up on the hills around the town, but with the weather only mediocre there was not much opportunity to do anything about it. Besides: they had enough to do. Apart from the training they started planning. With their final year in secondary school on the immediate horizon they both enrolled at the university and Art Academy in Oslo, they had to do the paperwork to apply for the government study grants and they started looking around on internet for a small, affordable apartment in Oslo where they could live together, appalled by the rents that were considered normal down south.
Summer was a paradise! It was an extremely hot summer, diminishing the chances for dog training, but greatly increasing the opportunities to linger in their own little kingdom along the riverbank, between the spruces and the low bushes. There they dreamed, talked, swam, played, dozed and made love many, many times. At some times it was gentle and tender, at other times it was out of pure lust, hard and passionate. They liked both versions equally!
During one afternoon Mihkkel made a drawing of Eidno, while laying naked in the grass.
“You really keep amazing me”, Eidno had called out, “In a few simple moves with a pencil you put a recognizable person on paper. Man, you are a real artist!”
Mihkkel had smiled shyly and had downgraded the achievement by saying:
“It’s not ready yet. I have some ideas, but I’ll do that at home. But anyway, when it is ready, it will hang over my bed, honey!”
With all the lovemaking Mihkkel’s longing returned at a more intense level than it had been before. He desperately wanted to receive Eidno, welcome him, he wanted to feel how the beautiful, aroused manhood would enter him, not only giving love and joy on the outside of his body, but spreading it in the inside of his body as well. It became a central theme in his dreams and phantasies but, although he wanted to scream it out to simply demand it, he knew he was too afraid to even politely ask it, so he restrained his desire, always saying to himself:
“Later! Later!”
Life at school had turned bearable. No, they were by no means fully accepted. The silence and isolation remained, but the bullying, abuse, humiliations and “accidental spilling of coffee or soup” where things of the past. Erik, the fat boy, was no longer posing a threat to them. He had learned his lesson. Mihkkel had to give another repeat dose of weakness exploitation to another instigator, this time in a full auditorium at midday break, and the boy had actually started crying, losing face in a very spectacular and qrotesque way. The rest of the school wisely kept quiet after that.
Autumn brought increased training with almost all their spare time spent with the dogs and before they knew, it was time for the holidays at the end of the year.
Oh yes, Christmas had passed as another festivity of armed truce at Eidno’s home. He had resigned to the general atmosphere and to the idea that the relationship with his mother was definitely over! Only his father behaved as he always had done: always chatting with him, always supportive and always a tough trainer when it came to dog racing.
But now, on the traditional tenth Saturday of the year, it was racing time again. Eidno started in Alta with his eight dogs-team for a full six hundred kilometers and Mihkkel was his handler in this test of endurance and willpower as well.
Since he started in another, higher class Eidno was considered a rookie again. It irritated him a bit: hadn’t he shown clearly enough what he was capable of last year? But, his father told him, rules are rules, so he accepted it and together with Mihkkel made the final preparations before it was his turn to start. They checked the dogs a last time, said their “Good Lucks” and stole a stealthy kiss, reminding each other about how this would be their big chance to prove at school they were men as well.
After adjusting his snow goggles Eidno sped away with a roaring “Hike!” at the start, just looking forward to a good race with lots of fun, not caring particularly much about which place he would end up when he finished. Finishing this race was more than enough to prove they were made of the right stuff!
Between the Karasjoki- and Jotka Checkpoints, Finnmark, March 2015
Eidno looked at his watch. It had been five and a half hour ago that he had left Karasjoki checkpoint. His home town was the penultimate checkpoint in the race. Maybe that was, what had triggered the sled dog race virus in him. He remembered vaguely he had always been mighty impressed when he stood along the trail as a young man, seeing all these teams run pass him.
At Karasjoki checkpoint they had discussed the next long stretch of eighty-three kilometers but saw no particular problems. The dogs held up just fine as did the sled and the rigging. And Eidno had a home town advantage. He knew the stretch as the back of his hand, knowing that it led over the public snowmobile trail. That didn’t mean that it was a piece of cake: the trail led through high mountains and, as one on his home turf, he knew all too well that the weather could be treacherous.
But he saw no problems. He kept his dogs in an easy-going trot, making a reasonably good speed without exhausting them. It was only a question of another type of management of their strengths and energy. He had already traveled about 480 km of the total six hundred and he was a tad behind his planned schedule, only fifteen or twenty minutes, but now he was on his way to the last checkpoint and then it was right to the finish in Alta.
He grinned at the memory, that he had at least three supporters in his home town. First there had been Aliissa Khristopherson, who stood along the trail, waving and cheering as if her life depended on it.
Then there was Mihkkel’s mother, also waving and cheering. And there was this old man, who he didn’t know. Oh yeah, he had seen him around town, shuffling around with the help of his walking stick, but that was all Eidno knew. Nevertheless, the oldtimer had waved when he passed.
Anyway, he had another hour, maybe an hour and a half to go to the next checkpoint. His eyes scanned up and down between his dogs, the trail and the sky to keep an eye on the weather. He found the race a curious mix between thrilling and tedious.
He left the mountains and started crossing the lake, the same lake he had crossed twice during the Junior run, when it started to snow lightly. It was nothing to worry about: it was March and it was in Finnmark so one could expect snow. He got the tempo up a bit to get off the lake as soon as possible but while being on the last part of the ice the snow became denser and heavier. He adjusted his snow goggles another time and just kept the doggies moving.
Things got worse within a matter of minutes. The wind picked up and before he knew it, a full storm was blowing from the west-northwest, hitting him head on. The snow increased into a virtually impenetrable white curtain, making it very difficult to see. He had to wipe the clumped mass off his goggles every few minutes with his glove. He looked at the snow directly around the sled. It looked as if the runners sunk deeper in it, increasing the friction.
“Oh shit”, he mumbled, “A warm wind! It is getting mushy!”
He noticed it immediately: the dogs went slower, giving all strength to pull the sled through the white mash around them. He wiped his goggles off another time, urging them on. At least he had to get on dry land.
To his relief he reached the far shore but then disaster struck. Not seeing enough, he tried to memorize the land fall from previous year and thought he was pretty close, but he hit the shore on a rocky, sloping part, the slope being perpendicular of his direction of traveling and incredibly slippery.
He felt the sled sliding sidewards in the water, tearing the dog team with it. Eidno fell off the sled and landed with his shoulder on something hard. Sled and dogs partly fell in the shallow water and he heard yelping. He rose and with his feet wading through the water, he unhooked the sled for a short moment and got ashore. With all his strength he started to assist the dogs in reaching dry land as well, more or less by pulling them out. Most of them started shaking the cold water out of their coats, but two simply crashed in a heap in the snow.
Immediately he checked on them: it were Migás and Bennie, the right swing dog, who had gotten the full impact when the sled and the team had tumbled to the right.
“Oh fuck!”, he cried out, “Migás…I’m out of a leader now!”
He tore off his gloves and tied the team on a tree, improvising the knot with the rear end of the rigging. He knew he had to do a detailed check on the two dogs, that were still lying down, but he needed his emergency kit and that was on the sled. For a second time he started pulling, now the sled, and after a lot of effort he had it on the shore and rummaged through it to search for the kit.
He was so pre-occupied with it, that he didn’t notice that Bennie got up again. The dog shook his head and looked surprised to his master, clearly not understanding what he was doing.
When he got back to the dogs, he was relieved to see that there was only one casualty left, but unfortunately it happened to be the dog, on which the whole team depended for guidance and leadership.
He let Bennie walk a few steps, was satisfied with how the dog had recovered and hooked him up again.
The snow kept falling profusely in thick white clouds, propelled by the storm, causing vision to be almost zero.
He took the muzzle strap out of the emergency kit and secured Migás’s muzzle. Yes, Migás was a faithful and friendly dog to him, but being in pain he would snap to everything that came near him. With cold fingers he unhooked the dog with difficulty, no trifle in a screaming snow storm, and started to check the dog, who yelped softly when he touched the right front leg.
“Shit, boy!” he whispered, “It looks like you are out. Come on, let me get you on the sled”.
He lifted the dog and carried him to the sled, laying him on top of it and fixating him with a line from his collar. Then he attached the sled again to the towing line.
“Where do I go from here?” he wondered, “Let’s see what happens if I just start. Maybe Thor will get the hang of it”.
He gave the “Hike”-command and let them go slowly, to see what would happen. But it was very soon clear to him, that Thor, Migás’s neighbor in the front row, didn’t get the message. He’d never seen such a disarray in his team.
He knew damned well it was out of the question to hook up Migás again. He stopped the team and thought the situation over. After some time he murmured despondent:
“Well, no matter which way I look at it: I’ll have to lead them myself”.
He patted the wounded Migás on the head, got off the sled and positioned himself at the head of the team, taking Migás’s empty harness in the hand.
“Come on, boys!” he said more cheerful than he felt himself, “I’ll bring you back!”
He started walking, the dogs slowly following him. The snow kept falling in abundant amounts, falling on the ground and becoming mushy right away. Eidno faltered up to his knees through the slush, the dogs following, wading through it to their chests.
He praised himself lucky in one tiny thing: the race trail was over the public snowmobile trail, so it had big markers at regular intervals. At least he couldn’t get lost, he just had to follow the markers.
Somehow, he lost track of time. The only thing he noticed was, that dusk was falling. Everything was reduced to putting one leg in front of the other, each step in the ever-thickening layers of slushy snow on the ground. He could understand why his feet hurt, but why his shoulder started to hurt like hell was unclear to him.
The storm continued, blowing snow in his face and on the front of his body, clogging his goggles time after time. Regularly he looked behind him, visually checking the condition of the dogs with an increasingly worried face: they tired and were nearing exhaustion from slogging through the chest-deep sticky snow, that was heavy with moisture. He did the only thing he could do, he encouraged them by calling:
“Come on, boys, can’t be long. We can do it!”
His mind numbed from fatigue and cold. It appeared to him, that he didn’t feel his feet and lower legs any longer. But there was this one thought, that seemed to be slumbering on:
“Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to my dogs? It makes no sense. Just to prove a point to these incurable fools at school?”
Time passed. He had no longer any idea how long he had been walking. The only thing he knew, was that any moment now his dogs would lie down and refuse to do another step. They simply couldn’t, they had to be brought in. While walking and stumbling it turned into a mantra for him, that he repeated time after time:
“I have to bring the doggies in! I have to bring them in!”
Desperately he looked ahead of him, in the wide snowy expanses and in the white curtains still falling, the raw wind blowing in his face. Then he saw it: there was light ahead!
“Yeah man…the checkpoint!” he whispered.
He looked behind him where the dogs stood panting and with re-found energy he yelled:
“Come on, boys. That little bit extra can’t hurt anymore!”
And on they went, the boy and his dogs, while the snowstorm continued unabated.
Night had fallen hours ago. Mihkkel started his next round of pacing. For another time he had looked at his watch. He had checked the time so often, that he had lost count. He was getting really worried.
“He’s six hours overdue”, he murmured, “What is happening to him?”
He wasn’t the only one who was worried. Only one team had arrived exhausted at the checkpoint and a fair number was missing. Handlers from other teams and race officials walked around impatiently or were staring into the dark wilderness with equally worried faces, waiting for some team to appear in the circle of light that was radiated from the check point. There even was a rumor, that the organization was considering to stop the race, thinking that the conditions in the storm became too dangerous for both mushers and dogs. But there was nothing official yet, so for the moment the race just went on. But Mihkkel thought it a bad omen, that more and more police and over-snow tractors arrived at the checkpoint, as if the organization was organizing search and rescue teams.
It only served to increase his anxiety and his most negative phantasies started to stampede through his head.
“Where is he? Is he OK? Or is he wounded or sick? Or maybe even…”
“No”, he whispered, “Don’t think that! He is damned good in the wilderness. He’ll manage, one way or another. He’ll find a way!”
His weak attempt at encouraging himself failed miserably. The black thoughts immediately returned and it looked as if they were there to stay, in any case until he had confirmation to the contrary.
He started biting his fingernails, something he had never done before. He peered into the dark wilderness, almost trying to force Eidno to pop up out of the snowstorm by sheer wishing. But there was nothing!
He started his next round of pacing. He couldn’t just sit and wait because waiting started to hurt him physically.
With hope fading he glanced another time to the rim of light around the checkpoint.
“Hey…wait a second”, he muttered. Something was moving.
He looked again, more concentrated now, if he could really see anything instead of just sensing it.
“Yeah”, he said, “There’s somebody coming in”.
“Hey, guys”, he yelled, “There is one coming in!”
Hoping, no…actually praying he ran to the figure at the rim, a black silhouette that walked besides other, lower silhouettes. When he neared the shape, he recognized him, despite the thick crust of snow on the body. There were some traces of the dayglow-orange parka, he knew so well, underneath and strands of wet, long blonde hair coming from under the hood.
“Eidno!” Mihkkel yelled out in relief.
Eidno stumbled on, followed by the dogs, that were stumbling as well on their four legs.
“I need a vet…I need a vet!” Eidno muttered.
“What happened?” Mihkkel asked.
“I need a vet…I need a vet”, was the only reply.
“You’ll get one”, Mihkkel said, “Let me help you!”
He supported Eidno with one arm, while he guided in the dogs with his other free arm. Other handlers came up to help them. When they were safe in the middle of the checkpoint Mihkkel said:
“You had me worried sick! You are at least six hours overdue!”
“It was hell!” was the only thing Eidno muttered in reply.
With the best of intentions to cheer his boyfriend up Mihkkel said:
“Well, you’re not the only one who is overdue. Only one team arrived yet. The rest is still out there. So, honey, there’s still a chance you may win this thing”.
Eidno looked at him with empty, expressionless eyes and said:
“I won’t win this thing”.
“Why not?” Mihkkel asked in surprise.
“Because I stop right here”, came the cold but determined reply.
“But what about school?” Mihkkel said in shock.
For another time Eidno felt as if his brains short-circuited. He grabbed Mihkkel by the shoulders and started shaking him, while he yelled:
“Let me get one thing clear! I won’t put the health or the life of one of my dogs, not to mention a whole team of eight, at stake for the sake of teaching those bastards at school a lesson! Do you get that?”
Mihkkel looked with horrified eyes and open mouth. Then he tore away from the grip on his shoulders, turned around and walked away.
Eidno was only able to stand there, as if he was frozen. He stared at Mihkkel’s back, that was removing itself from him further and further, the love of his life not even looking back once. He kept staring at it until it disappeared into the darkness of the far rim of the forest.
His whole life started to fall apart at that moment. He had sacrificed everything imaginable for Mihkkel, everything that had been important to him. He had given up the race that had meant so much for him, had lost the love of his mother and sister, had harvested the contempt and the hate at school, he had risked the welfare and maybe even the life of his dogs, he had been subjected to the disgust of the parson and he might even be a write-off as far as God was concerned. And now the one, for who he had all endured it, just walked out of him without even looking back at the moment when he needed him the most. Nothing worthwhile was left! There was only emptiness in a vast expanse of freshly fallen snow!
Eidno closed his eyes and the idea impacted like an explosion: he was a looser, he was the boy who was no longer loved by anyone. He was the unwanted! Tears pushed themselves out from behind his closed eyelids and froze on his cheeks as soon as they left the eyes.
Vaguely he felt a hand on his shoulder and a voice said:
“Eidno, are you OK, son?”
It took him effort to look in the direction of where the voice had come, looking into the same steel-blue eyes he had, the eyes of his father.
“He just walked out on me, dad”, he murmured, “He just walked out on me!”
“He’ll get by”, his father said softly.
“No, he won’t”, Eidno said, “It’s over! Now I’m unwanted by everybody!”
His father pulled him against his chest and the boy started crying without any shame. There was just sorrow, that fought to get out all at once.
“I’m a looser, dad”, Eidno whispered between sobs.
“No, you ain’t, son!” the man objected.
“Yes, you said so yourself once during training. Only the first is important, the rest are all losers”.
His father said nothing, but stroked the long blonde hair in a fruitless attempt to comfort his son. Then he said:
“Hey, I don’t know what you have decided. But your coach and your father is taking you out of this race. So, let’s load up the doggies and the gear, sign off with the organization and then I’ll take you home!”
Weary and having no will of his own left, Eidno only nodded, wondering what he had to do at home. There was nothing positive to be expected at home, was there?
Karasjoki, Finnmark, March 2015
Mihkkel’s worries had not ended. To the contrary: they had only increased. Since the school principal had granted them another recovery day from the race on Tuesday, he was only entering the school building on Wednesday, but no matter where he looked, he couldn’t find Eidno.
Thursday was the same: no Eidno. He desperately wanted to go to Eidno’s house to find out what was happening but he knew Eidno’s mother had banned him from there. Besides: he wasn’t sure if Eidno wanted to see him. He was perfectly aware that he had grossly missed the mark that night on the checkpoint and he felt terribly guilty about it. He had thought it over, often in tears, but he couldn’t understand why he had done it and somehow it was actually unclear to him, what he had done. It seemed to him as if another person had done it, not he.
Finally, Eidno popped up at school on Friday, his right arm in a sling.
“Hei”, Mihkkel said, “So, you were actually hurt then?”
Eidno had just looked at him without speaking a word. Mihkkel saw anger and grieve in the blue eyes, a sight that broke his heart.
Yes, they sat side by side in the class room, but only because they were supposed to be. During school Mihkkel kept a close eye on the other students. He was guarding Eidno like a mother hen was guarding her chickens: he wouldn’t accept even the slightest bullying or humiliating remark aimed at his friend. The fool who tried that would be picked apart bit by bit until only a smoldering wreck would remain.
Things even got worse for him. Both were used to being avoided by the rest of the school. But that Eidno avoided him, that was new and painful at the same time. That Friday he sat alone on the stairs, trying to eat his lunch in complete solitude. He had no idea where Eidno was. His friend did his utmost best to stay away from him as far as was possible. Most of the lunch stayed in the bread box. Broken hearts happen to be bad appetizers!
He couldn’t bare it any longer. Closing the bread-box he thought:
“I think it’s about time for an urgent talk with grandpa Eaddji!”
That Friday evening Eidno withdrew in his dog shed. He simply didn’t feel like seeing anybody and he wanted to get away from the cold atmosphere in the house, He actually planned a long seclusion, so he took his sleeping bag with him. He longed to be alone with his dogs, the only creatures who didn’t mind his being gay and the ones who were always ready to listen to him, pointing up their ears as soon as he started to talk to them.
Despite all what had happened in the last week he felt relaxed when he lay in his sleeping bag on the floor. Of course, not all thoughts were happy. Especially his first encounter after the race with Mihkkel bothered him. It actually had made him feel afraid and insecure, not knowing which attitude he should take. As a result, he tried to stay as far away from Mihkkel as possible, not out of rejection but more out of defense, trying to buy time until he was able to sort out his feelings. Funny as it sounds, he started to discuss his inextricable dilemma with Migás, who quietly lay with his big head on his chest, sound asleep:
“You know, Migás, I can’t live without him. But…he hurt me. He really did hurt me bad. How do I deal with it? Just say “It was nice but it’s over now” or…well, …I know it is some parson’s word, but anyway: should I forgive him? What do you think?”
The dog peaked his ears, his eyes still closed and snoring softly.
For the first time since that disastrous Monday Eidno laughed and said:
“Wow, Migás, you really are a big help, pal!”
He contemplated the question for some time, but gradually his mind started to wander off. By the time evening had fallen his eyes fell shut and master and dog were sleeping.
He woke up with a shock. He was certain, that his ears had heard something but he had no conscious idea of what it might have been. Migás woke as well and, as far as his casted leg allowed him, cripple-ran to the shed’s door, wagging his tail.
Somebody knocked at the door.
“Go away!” Eidno whispered, “I don’t want to see anybody!”
He ignored the knock, assuming, that whoever it was, would simply leave. But it wasn’t to be. After about a minute another knock came. He still ignored it. No matter who was knocking, he was a stubborn son of a bitch, because after another minute another knock was heard.
With an irritated look on his face Eidno gave in and yelled:
“Yeah!”
The door opened and someone entered the shed in the pitch dark. But Eidno didn’t need light to recognize the visitor. He recognized the silhouette: it was Mihkkel!
“Can you turn on the light”, Eidno said not too kind, “The button is on the right side of the door”.
Light came on. Eidno saw how Mihkkel was sauntering dazedly, desperately trying to find a suitable bearing.
“Hei…”, the boy said softly, hardly having the courage to look up.
“Hei”, Eidno answered.
A strange mix of anger, relief and happiness, that he was not that unwanted as it had looked like, swirled through his mind and he found it increasingly difficult to hold up his sulking attitude.
“I…”, Mihkkel started softly, still with eyes to the ground, “I…wanted…”.
He stopped talking, took a deep breath as if it would give him courage and restarted with:
“How’s your arm doing?”
It was as if he wanted to avoid speaking other words by changing the subject
“It’s my shoulder”, Eidno answered business-like, “And it’s getting along fine. It’ll heal soon enough”.
He ended with a cynical:
“But what can your eternal looser do for you?”
He tried hard to maintain emotional distance by being that mean, but he felt he was losing the fight with every second.
“You’re not a looser, Eidno!” Mihkell cried out, sighed another time and stammered:
“I wanted to tell you…how…how sorry I am. I can only imagine how much I’ve hurt you. I’m so incredibly sorry about that!”
Without being able to do something about it, the question popped up in Eidno’s mind:
“But why did you do it?”
His voice was no longer mean. It sounded more like begging.
Mihkkel shrugged with forlorn eyes and said hesitantly:
“I don’t know. Believe me: I’ve thought it over from the minute I came to my senses. Well, I should have thought before I did it, not in retrospect. Then it wouldn’t have happened. I really tried to find out why I did it. But it didn’t work out. So…well, you know what I do when I can’t solve it myself”.
“Yeah, you went to your grandfather”, Eidno softly said.
Mihkkel nodded and continued:
“He made me see what might have happened. I came in some situation I couldn’t cope with: the waiting, the worrying. Eidno, I was worried sick, that something terrible might have happened to you. It took hours and hours. It simply went over my head. When you finally came…I was far over the edge. And then…in a split second you threw our plan in the garbage can. Not that this plan was so bloody important, but it triggered something in me. When I became calm again, I knew I had done something terribly wrong. I behaved like a spoiled child, but I spoiled everything without even realizing it”.
With a pleading look in his eyes he looked in Eidno’s eyes and whispered:
“Eidno, darling, can you forgive me? Please?”
While thinking it briefly over, tears welled up in Eidno’s eyes. He sighed and said softly:
“Yeah. I can! And by the way: I could have been a bit more subtle as well. There was no need to grab you by the shoulders and yell at you”.
A reconciling and forgiving smile played around Mihkkel’s lips when he said:
“I guess you were over the edge as well!”
There was a short silence, as if both needed time to sort out their feelings and thoughts. Then Mihkkel said:
“Honey, can you bear it when I sit beside you…like about a week ago, when everything was still good and beautiful?”
Eidno threw his most forgiving and sweet smile to the boy, nodded and struck out his hand in an invitation. Mihkkel came close, took the hand and sat, his head on Eidno’s healthy shoulder. They sat for a while, just dreaming of a second chance for the two of them.
Suddenly Eidno said with a broad smile:
“Quarreling is shit, my love. But you know, making it up is great!”
Mihkell took his head in both hands and they kissed, long and passionately. Then Mihkkel looked at him with heated eyes and whispered:
“I need you!”
Eidno looked at him with great eyes of disbelief and muttered:
“Here?”
Mihkkel just looked at him with burning, seducing eyes and answered:
“I don’t fucking care where. But I need you right now! Besides…”, he giggled, “In March it’s better here than on the river bank, ´cause it is really cold out there”.
Kissing they started tugging at each other’s clothes in an effort to get them out as soon as possible. As soon as that was done the love making really started. It always had been intense, but this evening it seemed that it was even more intense as all times before. Their bodies appeared to radiate warmth and energy.
There was kissing and tongueing, hands grabbed greedily at aroused dicks, fingers stroked damp tips and kneaded heavy, full balls in tight sacks. Mihkkel took Eidno’s purple and wet dickhead in his mouth and started sucking at it. He loved the taste of the precum. Eidno’s was so creamy and sweet. But what he loved even more was the sight of how Eidno always underwent the pleasure with closed eyes to intensify the experience, his lips giving off high, girl-like cooing sounds, audibly punctuating each suck Mihkkel made at the dick.
“This is later!” Mihkkel thought.
He let Eidno’s dick slip out of his mouth and his fingers gently caressed the strands of long blonde hair. He kissed Eidno’s lips softly and then whispered in his ear:
“I know I have to consider your little shoulder handicap”.
“What do you mean?” Eidno asked somewhat dazed.
The only answer Mihkkel gave was an enigmatical smile.
Gently he pushed Eidno on his back and sat atop of him, his tight crevasse just over the towering spruce that stuck up from between Eidno’s legs.
With eyes that clearly showed his feverish state he hissed:
“I want you! I want you inside me! I want to feel your love inside! Just do it, my sweetest!”
Eidno looked at him, a bit apprehensive and with uncertainty in his voice he asked:
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah”, Mihkkel panted, “I want you to devirginize me…I only want it to be done by you. Just do it! Take me!”
He gave Eidno no chance to do something else, nor did he allow time to think it over. His fingers grabbed the hard phallus and placed the flared head against his tightness. Their eyes locked, Eidno penetrated him.
Mihkkel’s face went into a grimace and he clenched his teeth to stifle an outcry of pain, hissing:
“This hurts like hell! Wait a minute!”
Eidno rose without saying a word and walked to a shelf, where he took a small tin can. When he returned, Mihkkel asked curious:
“What’s that?”
“Vaseline”, Eidno said matter-of-factly.
“Where do you use that for?” Mihkkel asked puzzled.
“Normally to protect the dog’s paws against ice wounds. But….”, his eyes got a naughty expression when he added:
“It has other purposes as well!”
Without further explanation he started to smear the jelly on his dick. Then he put his blunt tip back against Mihkkel’s tightness and pushed him carefully inside.
“Slowly, love, slowly!” Mihkkel moaned.
Eidno did as was asked, giving Mihkkel a chance to get used to the feeling. After about a minute Mihkkel nodded and Eidno cautiously entered him deeper and deeper. After the initial pain subsided, Mihkell had a feeling he had never felt before: it surpassed his wildest dreams and phantasies. It was so fulfilling, so radiant with love, that he could hardly grasp it. He relaxed his thigh muscles, causing him to go down and started to bounce up and down, forcing the rod deeper and deeper, feeling every millimeter of gain.
“Oh honey!” Eidno cried, “You’re so warm and soft inside! I love it in there…I want to stay there forever!”
He grabbed Mihkkel’s dick, that jumped up and down in the rhythm of his owner’s bouncing and started to wank it gently in the same tempo. He felt the pressure in his groin rise…he knew it was coming!
“My love, I can’t hold it back!” he said with difficulty between his hard breathing, “I can’t hold back!”
“Then let it come…give it to me…all of it”, Mihkkel panted in response.
Eidno let it come! He threw his head in his neck, trembling and shuddering in release. Blot after blot were squirted in the narrow tunnel. Mihkkel moaned softly when he felt how the exploding, pulsing lance shot the hot flood in him, spreading out inside.
“I’m cumming too!” he wheezed. His tree exploded in Eidno’s hands, spraying his semen all over Eidno’s breast and chin. Fulfilled and out of breath he plunged on top of Eidno’s torso. They kissed intensely, half sitting, half lying.
“Oh sweetheart”, Eidno whispered, “This was the most wonderful time between us!”
“Yeah…it was!” Mihkell confirmed, “I hope you’ll do that many, many times!”
Eidno giggled and said:
“Just invite me in, sweetheart! I’ll be happy to comply!”
Mihkkel rolled off on his back and after they re-arranged the sleeping bag, so that it would cover both of them, they just lay there, chatting, kissing, caressing and generally having after fun.
Unexpectedly Mihkkel said:
“Ups, I almost forgot: my grandfather wants to speak with you”
“What about?” Eidno asked, unable to think of any reason why the old man would like to speak with him.
Mihkkel just shrugged and said:
“You’ll have to ask him, because he didn’t tell me!”
Then they simply embraced each other and holding each other tight they fell asleep after kissing “Good night”.
They woke at first light. Surprisingly they had slept extraordinary well. It could partly be debited to the fact, that their frayed emotions were soothed again. But to their own amazement they hadn’t felt any cold, despite the single sleeping bag, that had covered them. The reason for that became clear when they opened their eyes. There was no better heating thinkable than eight huskies with their thick coats, that lay snugged up all around them.
Eidno managed to sneak into the kitchen and came back with an improvised breakfast of two mugs of coffee and a few slices of bread. Hungry as they were, they devoured it and once that was done, they patted the dogs goodbye and got on their way to Mihkkel’s grandfather.
The minute they entered the small house Eidno recognized the grey-haired man. It was the oldtimer, that had been waving at him when he had sped with his dogsled through Karasjoki.
“I guess I have to thank you, sir”, he said by way of opening the conversation.
“For what, my boy?” grandfather Eaddji asked.
“For waving at me when I passed through the town during the race”, Eidno said.
The man chuckled, the typical old man chuckle, the slightly gurgling sound that seems to come from a place deep in the chest, and replied with a kind smile:
“I figured that I might give some support to my grandson’s boyfriend”.
He invited the boys to sit down and then said:
“How about a nice cup of tea? Mihkkel, I have some problems with walking lately. Would you be so kind to make tea for the three of us?”
“Sure, grandpa”, Mihkkel said cheerful, already jumping up and going to the kitchen.
While tea cups jingled in the kitchen the old man started to observe Eidno for a short while. It made Eidno feel ill at ease. Although the man looked at him with warm and kind eyes, it reminded him of how he was stared at by the parson’s eyes, filled with loathing and hate.
The old man seemed pleased, because suddenly he said:
“Well, well, so you are Eidno?”
“Yes, sir”, the boy replied timidly.
“Mihkkel told me many things about you. One of the things he told, is that you are very courageous”, the grandfather continued.
“Courageous, sir?” Eidno asked somewhat confused, “How that?”
“One must be courageous to face the challenges of the Finnmark Run. Especially when he does it at young age, like last year, when you actually won it, as I was told. And then again this year, an even bigger challenge as far as I have been informed”.
Eidno shrugged and said with a dreary voice:
“Well, sir, this year was not exactly a success. I think Mihkkel told you that as well”.
The man looked at him, his old eyes under the bushy eye brows smiling, took a deep breath and softly said:
“Do you mind if I disagree? I consider it as a great success”.
Now it was Eidno’s turn to stare at the man, in utter disbelief.
“Why that, sir?” he exclaimed, “I gave up!”
The old man slowly shook his head and laid his shriveled hand on Eidno’s, looking in the boy’s eyes.
“No, son”, he said, “You didn’t give up. You showed great courage by starting that race. But you showed even greater courage when you stopped. No, it is not the courage, that makes you plunge into some adventure head over heels. It is another kind of courage. You had it, when you let the welfare of the creatures, that were entrusted to your care, prevail over your own goals and ambitions. That is what they call moral courage! It takes a man to have that courage! And besides, it is becoming a rare commodity in our society! You can be proud of yourself, that you possess this precious quality! So, my boy, next time think first before you judge yourself”.
The old man withdrew his hand and with naughty eyes he cried out:
“Mihkkel, how is this tea getting along? Or are you picking the leaflets yourself somewhere in India?”
A cheerful laughter came from the kitchen, followed by:
“Ready in a minute, grandpa!”
Indeed, Mihkkel returned with a tray, on which three damping tea mugs stood, so they sat and enjoyed their tea. The mugs weren’t even empty yet, when his grandfather asked:
“Mihkkel, would you be so good to get that drum off the wall? The one over there?”
Mihkkel looked at the old man, not being sure if he had understood it the way he was supposed to understand it. He knew which drum was meant: the thing had been hanging on the wall as long as he had been coming to visit his grandfather. Even as a toddler he hadn’t seen it ever used, not even a single time. The old man seemed to sense his silent bafflement, because he insisted with a soft:
“Please, Mihkkel?”
Mihkkel did as was asked: he took the drum off the wall and gave it to his grandfather. The man started tapping it with his fingertips. A low rumbling sound rolled through the room.
“Do you boys know what a joik is?” the man asked with gleaming eyes.
Both nodded: yes, they knew! They had it during their Sami lessons. It was the old, traditional chant of the Sami, from the days before the Norwegian rulers came, rulers who had actually prohibited its use, officially up to the present day, although the singing of joiks was tolerated now. They knew, that the old shamans mostly improvised the joiks, when they performed their ceremonies.
“Not bad, boys, not bad”, the old man murmured with a satisfied smile, “But you forget one very important aspect of the joik”.
They looked at each other. It was all their teacher had told them, so what had they left out?
Grandfather Eaddji smiled and explained:
“The joik is not a song. A song is about something: about a person, or about a bird in the sky or a fish in the river. Or about the spring flowers on the hills or the snow that covers them during winter. But the joik has a soul: it is that person or that bird or fish. It is the spring flowers or the snow!”
Without any announcement the old man started to beat the drum rhythmically and his voice started to chant. In the beginning it was an old man’s voice, squeaky and rasping. But the longer he sang, the more juvenile the voice became, as if it was returning back to the voice, that it had once been: the lovely tenor of a young man. It took all glissandos without problems, made all melodic turns without hurdles, got rumbling deep, just to rocket sky-high in a matter of seconds. It was, as if the voice had left the old body and had started an existence of his own, propelled by emotions of unfathomable depth. The man sang with eyes closed. He looked as if he was in trance. The chant was at times sweet and gentle, then raw, aggressive and violent, so every now and then of a narrative neutrality.
Both the boys spoke Sami, but neither of them understood a word of it. Yes, it was some kind of Sami, maybe another dialect.
But more important was, that they got in trance as well. They were absorbed by the sounds of the low rumble of the drum and the agile, forceful voice. They listened captivated…no, they listened enchanted, both with open mouths. In a way they felt as if they were connected to something they couldn’t understand.
Mihkkel picked it up as first. Without being able to give a reasonable explanation for it, he simply sensed it: it was the old Sami gods, the ones from the times before the missionaries came, that were speaking to him!
As abruptly as the old man had started singing, so abruptly he stopped.
Both boys just sat, their mouths still open, unable to speak. It took them several minutes to recover but then both exclaimed a heartfelt:
“Wow!!!”
“What was it about, grandpa…ooh, sorry”, Mihkkel added a bit ashamed, immediately correcting himself, when he said:
“What was it, grandpa?”
The old man looked pensively for a few seconds and then spoke:
“It is two boys, young and so beautiful, that they must be the sons of the gods from the South, and deeply in love with each other. Alas, many, many people around them do not understand their love and they are met with aversion, silence and hate, the tools used by the ugly gods of the North to destroy their affection. Not willing to give up, the boys fight back valiantly, but it proves very difficult to resist the gods and they are in danger of losing the fight. Now, when the gods of the South saw this, they decided to test the love between the two boys, just to see if it was genuine. They sent a western storm, that came in from over the cold waters of the seas and when it hit land, filled with moisture, it caused a terrible snow storm. The storm caused many, many problems, even so much that it threatened to rupture the love between the two boys. The ugly gods of the North were already laughing in their sleeve, but they laughed too early, because both boys possessed the mettle to say sorry and both were gifted with the superb quality of forgiving each other. The gods in the South saw it and they were moved deeply. They had a meeting and decided to send the warm winds from the South to help the two boys a hand by pushing the gods of the North back to their murky realm over the icy waters. And the gods of the South gave their blessing to the love between the two boys. Now, my boys, if the gods of the South give their blessing to the two of you, then who am I, as a normal mortal, to do something different?”
He took the hands of both boys in his hands and said solemnly:
“Then I can only give my blessing as well!”
The two boys looked at the old man, unable to say a word. Feeling deeply touched by his words, tears formed in their eyes.
The old man sagged back in his chair and sighed. Then he said with a tired smile:
“You boys know what the problem of old age is?”
Both looked in each other’s eyes if the other could find a reply on that unexpected question. Being eighteen the both of them they couldn’t have a clou.
“You get tired faster and faster”, the old man replied smiling, “Singing this joik exhausted me. If you boys don’t mind, I think I’m going to do a little nap!”
Both took the hint, thanked the old man and said their goodbyes. When they were outside again, Mihkkel said:
“It was so beautiful! And you know, at some point I felt that the old gods were speaking to me. Didn’t you feel it?”
Eidno stood and stared at the sky as if he was thinking. Then he said:
“I don’t know if it was that, what I felt. But yes, somewhere I felt a change, as if something deep inside me was radically changing. But if you ask me what it was, I really couldn’t answer it. But what I do know: I really like that old man! No, I love your grandfather. I wished, I had me a grandfather like that!”
Mihkkel smiled at him and with a twinge of sadness he said:
“You have a great father, something that I had to do without all of my life. Come, let’s take a walk”.
He grabbed Eidno’s hand and hand in hand they walked along the street. Here and there disapproving glances were thrown at them.
“Oh oh”, Eidno said softly, “They’re pissed off again”.
Mihkkel just shrugged. Laughing out loud he said:
“What can happen to us? We are blessed by the gods of the South. And as far as them over there are concerned: fuck them all!”
Giggling he added:
“Maybe not such a good idea!”
“I wouldn’t let you in the first place!” Eidno laughed in mock outrage.
“A bit possessive, are we?” Mihkkel said with a teasing smile.
“You bet!” Eidno said decisive, “Almost lost you once. Won’t happen a second time!”
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